adam g Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 So I cannot get women to take me seriously. It's gotten to the point where I have lost my sense of humor and have no desire to leave my house besides for work. I have failed in every single attempt at dating and now stay home even when my friends are begging me to go out and meet people with them. I used to be very active and talked to lots of people. Now I fear rejection so much that it seems I would rather stay in my cave until it turns into a grave than strike up a conversation with a stranger. This seems okay in the short term (each night I stay in depressed) but on the long term it has left my very empty and with no confidence. I go out from time to time but it is usually at a bar and I only talk to people I already know. I am afraid to even say hello to people and think that I am a fraction of the man that women want. I have no idea what to do. I have gone to counseling and it hasn't worked. My family and friends think I have gone crazy and are slowly giving up on me. How can I end this self-fulfilling prophecy? It seems I just expect things to go bad so I can have something else to hold against myself.
BCCA Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Start by starting up conversations with women, where you tell yourself that you just wont ask for their number. Just make a conversation, and walk away without getting all 'pick up' on them. Just get yourself to be able to talk without it HAVING to end in 'maybe we can hang out sometime'. Youre probably making a common mistake,and immediately elevating the girl above you. You come up to them weak and meager, almost like youre not worthy, and they pick up on it and then assign no value to you. No one wants to feel like theyre taking one for the team, and dating the guy no one else wanted. Also, dont make the mistake of setting your sights on one girl, surround yourself with as many women as possible. Tell yourself youre not settling for anything less than a great girl, and let any rejections roll of your back, as best as you can.
MN randomguy Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Yeah, you've gotta quit putting so much importance on women. Tell yourself that you're not dating for eight months, even if Jessica Alba tries to molest you. develop interests of your own. Learn to have fun without women. Eventually you'll be talking with girls because you're interested in the subject at hand. You'll be cool and confident. Then they will try to molest you and you won't know why, because you're not even trying.
Lights Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Yeah, you've gotta quit putting so much importance on women. Tell yourself that you're not dating for eight months, even if Jessica Alba tries to molest you. develop interests of your own. Learn to have fun without women. Eventually you'll be talking with girls because you're interested in the subject at hand. You'll be cool and confident. Then they will try to molest you and you won't know why, because you're not even trying. I don't normally like to jump in and denigrate other people's advice especially when I'm not even involved, but this is dangerously poor advice. I know it because I've lived this way before, and I'm not really that much different than the original poster. Not that any of the stuff listed a bad thing to do, but it's silly at best to think that it'll have any effect on how women treat him or how he feels about his own abilities to get the sorts of responses he seeks. It makes some rather horrifically naive assumptions: - That the person in question can realistically expect someone as attractive as a celebrity-type to take any form of direct sexual action with him (..."even if Jessica Alba tries to molest you") in the course of daily life. If the original poster was in such a situation, would he really be asking the particular questions he did? - That having fun without women results in there being girls around to talk to because one has interest in the subject at hand. Does anyone really think that will necessarily happen even if, say, the environment in which said subject is involved is male-dominated? - That personal interest in any given subject, whether or not one enjoys it on one's own or not, is going to somehow automatically cause cool confidence in social situations with women. Just plain false. No amount of personal interest in your kendo practice, African history research project, or for that matter Call of Duty 3, is going to magically make you cool and confident when a woman of interest passes by at the bus stop and make her want to "molest" you on the spot, to borrow MN Randomguy's words. Now, at no point am I saying that one should not have fun on one's own. But one should not be naive enough to think that the things one does while spending time alone necessarily has anything to do with the results one gets in one's time around other people.
You'reasian Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Now, at no point am I saying that one should not have fun on one's own. But one should not be naive enough to think that the things one does while spending time alone necessarily has anything to do with the results one gets in one's time around other people. I can agree with this - which is why I believe one should have fun on their own and instead of chase women. Instead of taking kendo, do kali or judo (more practical) - instead of researching african history - learn how to speak french so you can get by in certain parts of africa in your next vacation there - instead of playing call of duty 3, sign up for the nearest IPSC competition Who cares if it attracts women or not, get into your own interests and go deep.
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