KikiW Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 My husband of 13 years and I are separating and are very amicable. We both want 50/50 custody and are working hard to hammer out an arrangement that works for us. There are a lot of issues we are chipping away at, but right now we are co-habitating so the custody issue isn't a problem. Obviously the living arrangements will change, so I am trying to prepare as much as possible. Does anyone else have a similar custody arrangement with an amicable former-spouse? How has it worked out? Are there any issues you wish you had known might come up so you could have an agreement in place? Do you do the week on-week off, or does one take care of after school, flip weekends kind of thing? Just trying to do things as well as we can. Thanks for the input!
2sure Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I have several friends who have/have had this kind of arrangement. It seems to work well when the kids are little. I thought that shuffling them around would hurt their sense of routine, stability, etc. ...but the kids seemed to get used it it, and two homes fairly well. But when they are older and have after school schedules, friends, etc. it seems to fade away and they are more at one parents than the other's. I dont know anyone who has had it in place more than 2 years. It seems like a great idea. The closer you live to each other the better.
Intricategirl Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I'm in the middle of an amicable split, but we don't do 50/50. I was a SAHM before the split, and he had a full-time job. Though this will be changing very soon (I'm looking for work), right now, it makes sense for them to be with me more than with him. The good news is, because it's amicable, if I get a job where I need to work evenings or weekends, I know that he'll work with me to be available to watch the kids. Also, right now, he's in a 1bd apartment, so it's difficult for him to do overnights with them. He's shopping tonight or this weekend, and going to pick up some futons or klick-klack sofas for them to sleep on, so that should make it easier too. Because as it is, I'm still stuck around town having to do the bedtime routine with them on his weekends. I guess my best advice would be that if it's amicable and you are able to sit down and work through all the issues, then don't worry so much about making it a perfect 50/50. Come up with something solid, but agree that if there needs to be some variation, the other will try to accommodate that. A few days ago, I started looking at our schedule and got irritated that he gets several days around Thanksgiving, while my holidays are single days. Then I came to my senses and realized that I don't really want to stop a man who cares so much about his children that he wants more time with them.
Author KikiW Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Thanks so much, it's good to know it does work out - hopefully we stay on track
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 A few days ago, I started looking at our schedule and got irritated that he gets several days around Thanksgiving, while my holidays are single days. Then I came to my senses and realized that I don't really want to stop a man who cares so much about his children that he wants more time with them. Good idea Intricate - allow the relationship with the kids to be as strong as possible. I have a hard time getting my head around how people do it amicably - I don;t know how I could possibly do it, But, in reality, if you have kids, it's really the only way to go - to get over the personal anxieties and resentments... I know of a couple of families where the (now apart) parents live close by one another (like walking distance, or a just a little further than that), and it seems to work very well for them. Good Luck!
Intricategirl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I know of a couple of families where the (now apart) parents live close by one another (like walking distance' date=' or a just a little further than that), and it seems to work very well for them.[/quote'] I've got every reason in the world to hate my ex. Instead, I feel sorry for him, and I'm pretty sure that the new relationship he jumped into won't work out. And I haven't been this happy in years. It's such a relief to not be around him. I said it elsewhere here, he's a good man and a good father, but a lousy husband. And the funny thing is- I still get to be around the good parts of him, and the new girl is so anxious to pick up the one part I couldn't stand. Total win for me. We briefly considered living in the same apartment complex, but some co-workers talked him out of it. Oh well. We are still in easy walking distance of each other.
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