RogueAC Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Well, after a string of super bad dates and a several month single hiatus, I am back dating again. I met someone recently (about a month ago) that makes me melt -- at least so far -- and I am really nervous about it. Butterflies and good nervous but I am also nervous about screwing things up and not being objective and recognizing red flags. My ex really did a number on me and I am terrified of going through that again or potentially hurting someone else. I am scared that the ex and the breakup that brought me to LS will always haunt me. How you built trust and let someone new in?
Treasa Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Well, for starters, you have to realize that not everyone is going to hurt you. Yes, some people are, and some people will do it intentionally. And there's nothing you can do to stop it. All you can do is be who you are, and try to be a positive person. You'll attract like-minded people that way. I think it takes far more energy to worry and be scared about what might happen than it does to get over someone hurting you.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 You know, after my divorce, I was just so sure I was going to do it "right" this time. I didn't want to get hurt, I didn't want to waste my time. I found a great guy - but it's like I was looking for any reason that things couldn't work out. It was really tearing me up. Well, I talked it all over with my mom and she said a lot of things, but this really hit me: "I believe in just going with your heart, even though you might get hurt, it is worth the adventure." Don't cheat yourself of something that COULD be good because you're too worried about what COULD go wrong. You could miss out on a lot. Just go with it. If you DO get hurt, it just gives you an opportunity to grow - it's not going to kill you. But if you never take a chance at all, you'll never get to experience heaven.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Have you read Oscar Wilde's " de profundis"? I was reading it the other day and a passage came to me that really made me open my eyes. If you look at my signature, I have the passages as a reminder when ever I think about my ex. Past relationships shouldn't be something that controls you, rather you have to ask yourself how you would want to view them.
jedidriver Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Hi Not really offering any advice as you seem to be in the same position as me and I started a thread yesterday http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t186173/ Was hurt about 2 years ago and got loads of support from fellow loveshack users. This new girl I have met is great but I think I have a problem in trusting and letting someone in so that I won't get hurt again. I've only really starting feeling insecure this week mainly because things have been going really well. My big worry is that because I have developed this insecurity she will pick up on this and I won't be myself around her. All I can keep telling myself is to be positive and what will be will be. Keep us posted + good luck
Lucky555 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 WOW, yeah women can definitely pick up on it. You should just give it a try. i can tell you this over and over but it sucks being hurt before. HOWEVER if your ever going to be happy you have to just give it a try. Ask her out, enjoy time with her, laugh, ect. Just live! Just maintain the normal relationship stuff and let it be! You can't predict the future.
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