I feel like there's still a chance but I don't know how to fix it

[JQ1027]

So me and my girlfriend have been going out for 16 months now and just a week ago she told me that she doesn't feel the same anymore. She told me that she doesn't love me anymore and in actuality she started feeling like this a month ago. The sad thing is I know why this happened, I neglected her, ignored her sometimes and didn't treat her the way she should have been treated. I just caused her so much pain that she couldn't give anymore. So we decided to give our relationship another chance since last week but last night we talked and she said she doesn't feel like anything has changed. She says she feels the same way she did a month ago. I've done everything, I treated her like a princess, I've tried to do new things away from the norm. taking her out and buying her things. But she says its still the same. But what makes me so confused is how it is when we hang out. It just feels so right when we cuddle and I hold her in my arms, it feels like things are perfect. Just the other night I was over at her house and we watched tv, and laid there in cuddling and making out. I thought for sure things were changing, but last night I asked her if we were making progress and she said no. So I asked her what about the night we spent together, and she told me she didn't know, she told me it was just the norm. so automatic that it just happens. But it just doesn't seem right to me, doesn't there have to be some feelings there? Doesn't there have to be some feelings when we kiss? It is driving me crazy and I refuse to believe that she doesn't love me anymore, I still think somethings there. So back to last night, she says she doesn't want to do this anymore because she is afraid that it gives me false hope and that she doesn't want to hurt me again (I was devastated the first time she told me that she didn't love me anymore). But I keep telling her I can take it, I can bear it because I feel that if we keep trying the bond we have between each other will mend itself. I know it might not be better in a week, maybe not a month, and maybe not for a while. But she is the greatest thing thats ever happen to me and I am willing to wait for her. But I do not know if that is the best for both of us. I don't know what to do. Should I leave this part of my life behind and move on? Or should we try to work things out, and try to salvage our relationship? I would do anything in their world to be together, but I don't know if she wants that. She tells me she wants it so bad, to just love me again. But does love really just disappear like that. Isn't there something still there? I just wish it would just happen, that her just wanting it would make things better again. I don't know where to go or what to do. I just know I want her back.

 

Its really true, you never know what you have until its gone.

[monkeymaid]

wow, i am sorry for the situation you are in. ...well, if you really want the best chance at having her for real, you need to let her go. it sounds crazy and bizarre, but if you tell her you agree, and that she needs to find out what she wants and you give her all, and i mean ALL the space she needs, then that is the best way to get her to come back to you. its not 100% but if she does, then shell be commited to you more than ever and if she doesnt, then you have your answer and you can move forward amicably. ....the worst part about these situations is when you find yourself in them, the best thing to do is to remove yourself from them to gain perspectivce, then once youve regained your grasp on reality and let go of your little fantasy world, you can work the problems from an educated point of view. i hope ive helped you even a little bit, good luck!

[stillupset]

i agree with monkeymaid. i really think u should give her space. at this stage, the more you try to force the relationship to work, the more she'll think she's being suffocated and you'll push her away further. respect her wishes and give her lots of time and space if you truly love her.

[ExRadioDJ41]

Then again, sometimes when someone pulls away, it's because they start to develop an interest or feelings in someone else, right? So by letting her go, he's really giving her permission to totally persue another relationship? And then by not spending any time at all, he's giving her the opportunity to ween herself from the relationship with him.

 

But it's clear you are smothering her even without intentions to. Spending an evening with her, then giving her a three degree on whether she feels any change of heart, can't possibly be a good plan. But in my opinion, you need to spend "normal" time together. Not normal like it is now. But normal how it was when you started. When you started your relationship, she found things that interested her in you. That's what you probably need to bring back.

 

Don't settle for all of the normal things you've been doing lately. They aren't working. Go out with her and do something a little different. Create some new memories together. Then don't smuggle her with questions about if things are better or not.

[Jay34]

i think we all tend to think of all the things we did wrong, you probably didn't do as much wrong as you think you did, just give her space.

[PinkRibbon]

I can feel your frustration and confusion because all you want to do is make things better beween you and the person you love. But if the other person in the party of two offers nothing up other than what you are doing is not working then it is time to try something different. WHAT what you not tried? Time apart and I mean 2 weeks of no contact, no pressure, no cuddling. You are a ghost you're gone for 2 weeks. You get a piece of your sanity back to regroup and review the situation.

Gives her 2 weeks to hopefully miss you. Mostly gives you both some peace of mind.

 

What have you tried out of the ordinary?

[sucre8095]

Wow! At first I thought I had wrote this post. I am going through the exact same thing except after being married for 13 years and 4 children. I just wanted to tell you I've behaved exactly like you have for the past 4 months and it isn't working. I wish I could give myself this advice too, but everything I've been reading has led to giving them their space. Smoothering is what we do when we tell them we love them. I can't explain it, so I'll let someone else do it. But if you can keep her in your circle and leave a normal life with your daily life without seeming desperate or needy, I think things will work out better. Just know that at least you can still kiss your girl. What I would do just to kiss my wife? Be strong and try to hang in there. My thoughts are with you.