WhyYesThankYou Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I broke up with my bf 6 weeks ago (my decision) because we wanted different, incompatible things. After we split, I went overseas for a month. Have been back for two weeks and haven't been in contact with him. He's tried phoning me twice, but I've ignored both calls. Tonight I came home and found a note and a CD in my mailbox. The note said that he worries, because I haven't contacted him, that I never really cared about him. And he says he hopes that the NC is because I'm just looking after myself (by which I think he means maybe I'm not contacting him for a "good" reason, i.e. not ready or don't want to because it's over, as opposed to I never liked him). But the kicker is the CD. He's a musician, you see, and writes some really good stuff. The CD has two tracks on it: one tortured-sounding instrumental song, and one with lyrics. The one with lyrics is about how he knows things were complex but he misses me terribly. I've been really good about NC (well, I mean I haven't actually contacted him. I've been e-stalking him, checking out his facebook, etc), but my resolve is weakening in the face of his music. He's really good, and I know it's sappy but there's something awesome about a guy writing and performing a really good song about how much he misses you! What do you think? Should I: take pity on his poor, tortured, beautifully sensitive artistic soul, and tell him that yes, I cared about him very much, but I decided to end things because we want really different things, and even though he's a great guy, it's just not going to work between us? orplug my ears, dispose of his Siren-like CD, chant "NC NC NC NC" to myself continuously, and vow never ever again to hook up with guys who are such bloody skillful singer-songwriters, since I can't resist their luscious lyrics? Thanks!
JadedHeart Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Work out? What do you mean? If he's such an artistic wonderful soul why break up with him?
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Work out? What do you mean? If he's such an artistic wonderful soul why break up with him? Because he wants us to be exclusive, and I don't. He feels very strongly about monogamy, and I'm polyamorous. I'd like him to be part of my life, but he only wants that in an exclusive relationship. That's what I mean by "incompatible." I ended it because we just couldn't find any way to make things work, so a clean break seemed like the best/only option. So... if anyone out there is interested in a lovely, beautiful, musical guy who cooks well, likes to cuddle, and wants an exclusive relationship, let me know.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Because he wants us to be exclusive, and I don't. He feels very strongly about monogamy, and I'm polyamorous. I'd like him to be part of my life, but he only wants that in an exclusive relationship. That's what I mean by "incompatible." I ended it because we just couldn't find any way to make things work, so a clean break seemed like the best/only option. So... if anyone out there is interested in a lovely, beautiful, musical guy who cooks well, likes to cuddle, and wants an exclusive relationship, let me know. That's messed up, but you know what for your honesty I cant blame you. Did he know you dont like to settle down? In the end he'll be fine trust me the next chick who'll get him wont let go. and he'll be better off.
kizik Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I broke up with my bf 6 weeks ago (my decision) because we wanted different, incompatible things. After we split, I went overseas for a month. Have been back for two weeks and haven't been in contact with him. He's tried phoning me twice, but I've ignored both calls. Tonight I came home and found a note and a CD in my mailbox. The note said that he worries, because I haven't contacted him, that I never really cared about him. And he says he hopes that the NC is because I'm just looking after myself (by which I think he means maybe I'm not contacting him for a "good" reason, i.e. not ready or don't want to because it's over, as opposed to I never liked him). But the kicker is the CD. He's a musician, you see, and writes some really good stuff. The CD has two tracks on it: one tortured-sounding instrumental song, and one with lyrics. The one with lyrics is about how he knows things were complex but he misses me terribly. I've been really good about NC (well, I mean I haven't actually contacted him. I've been e-stalking him, checking out his facebook, etc), but my resolve is weakening in the face of his music. He's really good, and I know it's sappy but there's something awesome about a guy writing and performing a really good song about how much he misses you! What do you think? Should I: take pity on his poor, tortured, beautifully sensitive artistic soul, and tell him that yes, I cared about him very much, but I decided to end things because we want really different things, and even though he's a great guy, it's just not going to work between us? orplug my ears, dispose of his Siren-like CD, chant "NC NC NC NC" to myself continuously, and vow never ever again to hook up with guys who are such bloody skillful singer-songwriters, since I can't resist their luscious lyrics? Thanks! Dude, I just made a whole album full of songs about how much I miss f*ckin miss my ex GF. So I feel ya. Rather, I feel for your ex BF. I've often wondered if my ex has ever heard the songs about her that are out there on the Internet. The ones I wrote about her. This post makes me feel like maybe she has. Anyway, you shouldn't contact him back. I've fantasized about giving my ex the completed CD - which is about to drop in like a month - but I'd never actually do it. Reason being that there's no point. The damage is done. And I think she SUCKS.
kizik Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Work out? What do you mean? If he's such an artistic wonderful soul why break up with him? BTW, I've often wondered this about my ex and why she broke up with me. The conclusion I've come to is that some people are incredibly foolish, and are unable to appreciate the good things they have.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 BTW, I've often wondered this about my ex and why she broke up with me. The conclusion I've come to is that some people are incredibly foolish, and are unable to appreciate the good things they have. ...Theory of cognitive dissonance? Also some women cannot appreciate good men and vice versa so they subconsciously mess things up. It's sad but it does happen.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 That's messed up, but you know what for your honesty I cant blame you. Did he know you dont like to settle down? In the end he'll be fine trust me the next chick who'll get him wont let go. and he'll be better off. You're right that he'll be better off with someone other than me - obviously - if he wants a one-guy gal, he needs to go and find that. What makes it sad and difficult for both of us is that there is a lot of compatibility there that both of us have wanted, but neither of us had found with anyone else. I'm not one for the myth of "the one and only," but it is tricky on this planet of 6+ billion people to find those with whom we have that sort of samewavelengthness. So to find it and have to give it up because someone (me) is a freak and doesn't want an exclusive relationship sucks, and seems like a bit of a cruel joke. Glad you can appreciate my honesty about it, even though you may well have different views. As for whether he knew - I didn't tell him at first. I have a primary partner, and I date other people, but I don't tell them straight away about the polyamory because most people aren't into it. Usually I only have a few dates with them and then we decide - as you do - that it's not working out. So I've gotten to meet some new people, which is good, and then it ends, which is usually what happens anyway with dating. It turned out in the case of this guy that we both liked each other very very much, and once I found that out and realised that he wasn't going to be one of these "three date" guys, I told him - and then the difficulties began. The direction this thread seems to be taking is that crazy girls don't appreciate you wonderful singer-songwriter guys enough. Probably true! Or, well, we do, but there's other things going on too. Kizik - would you care to share a link to some of your tunes? I'd like to hear your music - if that's not asking for too much personal revelation.
eiithan Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Go NC. I usually tell people to get closure first, but this case I don't think he quite understands your preference in dating/relationship no matter what he says. Frankly, as a person who is committed to monogamy, I don't either. I don't think you should give him a false hope, that perhaps you would change. I dated a writer once. By the time I was a part of his circle. Something occurred and I left the group, and some time later he sent me his manuscript before publishing. I sent him a thank you email. He sent me back a lengthy email. It was a mistake. Years later, I became a filmmaker. When my ex broke up with me, I made an experimental video piece reflecting my personal narrative. It also included some footage of myself. At the final critique, my classmates said the acting seems real. I started crying. I just couldn't help myself. Before I moved out from the town after the breakup, I gave a copy to my ex. Now I think about it, I am not sure why I did. By the time it seems like the thing I should do. Honestly I don't think one short film was enough to release all internal pain I carried. But it was my way of dealing pains for sure. I can guess your ex is in disbelief and pain. And he does what he does best to cope with his emotional upheavals. I cry at Mozart's Requiem Mass in D Minor not only because it is an incredibly beautiful piece but also his last work completed before the illness and other ailments ended his life. You can appreciate his art. At the same time, you can also be aware of the pain embedded. Sometimes, that's how we pay our respect, I guess.
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