lance.dark Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 So here's one: What if after a night of enjoyable intimacy (some kissing, a lot of touching and holding hands, and sleeping together[no sex]) she tells you a a few days later that she only sees the relationship going to friendship and nothing else? I'm sure a decent number of guys have had this happen. What do you think happened? The guy did something wrong? She got cold feet, etc?
bluechocolate Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 What do you think happened? The guy did something wrong? She got cold feet, etc? Why did anything have to happen or go wrong ? Maybe she's just not that into the guy.
Author lance.dark Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 A valid point, but then why would she spend the night doing that? It didn't seem like she was uninterested ever, even in the morning.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Maybe she was just looking for some fun. Isn't ready to commit to anybody yet.
Tony T Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 So here's one: What if after a night of enjoyable intimacy (some kissing, a lot of touching and holding hands, and sleeping together[no sex]) she tells you a a few days later that she only sees the relationship going to friendship and nothing else? I'm sure a decent number of guys have had this happen. What do you think happened? The guy did something wrong? She got cold feet, etc? If guys were so fricken stupid they would just go along with it. It something women pull...and when they see you have no problem with being friends it drives them up a wall and they want you more than ever in other ways. Men just don't get it! Of course, there are exceptions.
fishtaco Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 A valid point, but then why would she spend the night doing that? It didn't seem like she was uninterested ever, even in the morning. That's dating. It's called mixed signals. Happens very often. She's using the guy as a boyfriend substitute. She wants attention, she wants to feel wanted, she doesn't want to be lonely. The guy was there to give all that to her for free. He was her emotional tampon, and nothing more. Anyway, any women that would do all that but not have sex with the guy, is someone that needs to drop immediately. Now it's perfectly fine for a woman to not want or be not ready for sex. But then they shouldn't go there. If they do, that's a GIANT red flag. Women will throw mixed signals at men all the time, it's something we all need to get used to. But the larger the discrepancy between hot/cold is, the more of a red flag it is. This is the equivalent to when a man tricks a woman into sex for just a fling. Basically, she's a user and he just got used.
Author lance.dark Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Taco you were right on the money. Apparently she just likes to play with guys. How obnoxious.
fishtaco Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Taco you were right on the money. Apparently she just likes to play with guys. How obnoxious. I wouldn't call that obnoxious. I would call that normal. That's just how it is. We are all adults, we are all responsible for keeping ourselves safe. She's just doing her thing. He however, needs to learn.
bac Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 So here's one: What if after a night of enjoyable intimacy (some kissing, a lot of touching and holding hands, and sleeping together[no sex]) she tells you a a few days later that she only sees the relationship going to friendship and nothing else? I'm sure a decent number of guys have had this happen. What do you think happened? The guy did something wrong? She got cold feet, etc? From female perspective what you have described here does not make any sense. It is not a normal behavior of a reasonable girl. You are missing in your description smth which is important. Sleeping together without sex? How old is you both? If you are 20 y.o. and she is a virgin or may be she has no own place to sleep? I mean there is a reason for the strange stuff like that but you do not mention that.
BCCA Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I have to ask, were you going for sex or just kind of seeing where things went, letting her take the lead? Because it sounds to me like she could have just been trying to get laid, and you were thinking of it more on a relationship level, so you didnt get the hint. She probably doesnt want to date you, but there arent too many women who would sleep in your bed and make out with you that dont want to have sex. There are som selfish people, though, so maybe she just needed something to do. Like someone said, thats dating, though.
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Well, I was going to venture the suggestion that maybe she was unsure, and wanted to test the waters of intmacy before plunging into her neck and maybe getting out of her depth.... (lots of metaphors there!) But lance.dark seems to have now discovered she is into teasing.... well, you know, it's unfortunately not uncommon nowadays for people to be selfish and go for whatever they can get. Some men are like this, and some women are like this. It would be best if these people met each other and left serious people alone.....
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Sometimes a girl just feels like hooking up.
MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I've had this happen and I am a woman. I mean making out and then cuddle all night with nothing happening. Not the "just friends" after wards part. I've gone over to a guys house to spend time with him, things have gotten hot and heavy, but I put the brakes on cause I wasn't ready for sex. (and I mean hot and heavy by kissing making out. Not going almost all the way) I could have gone home and I told the guy if he felt like it was too difficult to have me stay there I could leave and I would. But he didn't want me to and I stayed and we slept and cuddled. Was it hard........yes, I think so on both our parts but as adults one can restrain ourselves. Did he want sex with me........definitely. Did I want it with him......yes. But I was not ready and no, I'm not a virgin. Why would the girl later say she just wants to be friends??? IDK 1) She decided she wasn't ready 2) She's scared 3) She's playing games 4) She wasn't as into him as he thought. I don't feel I'm a c*#k tease and I'm anticipating the time...soon...when I do sleep with the guy I mentioned above. A girl does not have to go all the way if she doesn't want to and a guy can restrain himself. Years ago when people refrained more often from sex before marriage I bet there was lots of heavy making out, etc. without going all the way. I'm not saying there aren't teases out there but I just thought some of the guys were a little harsh. I mean please.......I'm as sexual and like sex as much as the next person. But I do believe there are men out there that respect a woman's wish to not have sex right away. Some making out, etc can sure build the anticipation for the next time or when sex does happen.
fishtaco Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 1) She decided she wasn't ready 2) She's scared 3) She's playing games 4) She wasn't as into him as he thought. I don't feel I'm a c*#k tease... Exactly. There are a number of possibilities, including being a c*#k tease, but the behavior is exactly the same. There's no way for the guy to tell. Imagine someone who IS a c*#K tease, and was totally just stringing the guy along. She could give the exact same reasoning you did, and there's absolutely no way to prove it, and that's exactly how she would get the guy to fall for it again next time. So you say you're not. I could believe you because we are anonymous on the internet and I could care less if you're really a c*#k tease or not. But in real life, when I'm personally involved, then I have to make a judgment call; I can't simply just believe your words. Just like you shouldn't believe the words some dude you've just met is telling you. So it's better to just not even go there. Why create the situation where the guy is wondering if you're c*#k tease, and if he should just drop you? Men should respect women that don't want to have sex right away, unless of course, she asks for sex right away. Women should respect men and just don't go there if she doesn't want sex, unless of course he asks for it. Unless both parties are in agreement, it's always better to keep the boundaries.
BCCA Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Exactly. There are a number of possibilities, including being a c*#k tease, but the behavior is exactly the same. There's no way for the guy to tell. Imagine someone who IS a c*#K tease, and was totally just stringing the guy along. She could give the exact same reasoning you did, and there's absolutely no way to prove it, and that's exactly how she would get the guy to fall for it again next time. I was thinking the same thing. Its unrealistic to expect another person to accept what you say as the truth, when honestly, a lot of people are indirect and borderline dishonest. I think that its kind of lame to come over to a guys house, make out in his bed, and then stop short of having sex, but want to spend the night. And whats the guy supposed to do, boot you out and make it seem like he only wanted sex? Its kind of a lose-lose for both parties, and fishtaco makes a good point, its better to just not go there. As has been proven many, many times on here, men and women see the world through different view points.
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