Darkness7 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 My ex fiancee and I have been broken up for almost a month now. We were together for 5 years and had a very healthy and good relationship together. We are both 25. About a month before she walked out on me, she was struggling with personal problems (depression, family issues) and had become more withdrawn and moody. She started trying to pick arguments about everything with me, it was like she was a different person all of a sudden because of all the stress. She said very hurtful things to me as well and acted out all the time, totally out of character. I tried to be there for her as much as I could, but it was hard cos she was shutting me out. I have posted the long story of my break-up here before, so not gonna do it again, but basically she just walked out on me with no explanation at all while I was away at work. I spoke to her after the break-up and she said she just needed some time alone to sort out her personal problems and that she still loves me and misses me, but can't deal with a relationship right now cos there's too many other things going on. She told me to just leave it for a little while and give her some space. I went NC with her and now she's suddenly cut me out of her life. Deleted me off Facebook, MSN, etc. changed her email address, even though I haven't been contacting her. Why is she doing that? I don't understand it. Is it a bad thing? I have been trying to get on with my life as best as possible, going out and meeting new people, making friends, but even when I am with my new group of friends, I just feel so lonely...something doesn't seem right and I just want to be with her. When I think about memories with her, I get panic attacks and break down crying. I have panic attacks at night and have nightmares...I just want her back so much. I am giving her the space she needs, but no closure and her just cutting me out of her life is making me 'freak out' and feel so awful I just want to sleep and never wake up. What is happening with me? And why is she doing this??
Ayla Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hello, My heart really does feel for you. I am feeling the same way too. It is like it even hurts to breath... I do not know why she is doing this - I think only she knows that. But given what you have told me previously (iun regards to my relationship) and what i have read in your other threads, I really do think it is her own demons that have caused her to pull away. Much like my ex bf - his fear of commitment is made him pull away from me - nothing else...and now it is his pride and knowing how much he hurt me that ios keeping me from contacting him. Please try not to feel like this has anything to do with you - because it doesn't. Keep trying to stay busy - although it is really hard to put any energy into it. Everyone keeps saying to me each day will get easier - not sure if I believe it, cos at the moment they seem to be getting harder. But there are some moments where I actually do find myself thinking about something else other than him. Have you thought about going and seeing a professional?? I think it might be a good idea. They can help you by giving you some coping tools - I have had panic attacks a few years ago, and I went and saw someone and they really helped me. I am actually thinking about going to see someone again. I really do think that it would be a good idea. You can do this. One day she will work out her demons....just as mine will regret his decision. Hopefulyl both will do it sooner rather than later. xx
Author Darkness7 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Hello, My heart really does feel for you. I am feeling the same way too. It is like it even hurts to breath... I do not know why she is doing this - I think only she knows that. But given what you have told me previously (iun regards to my relationship) and what i have read in your other threads, I really do think it is her own demons that have caused her to pull away. Much like my ex bf - his fear of commitment is made him pull away from me - nothing else...and now it is his pride and knowing how much he hurt me that ios keeping me from contacting him. Please try not to feel like this has anything to do with you - because it doesn't. Keep trying to stay busy - although it is really hard to put any energy into it. Everyone keeps saying to me each day will get easier - not sure if I believe it, cos at the moment they seem to be getting harder. But there are some moments where I actually do find myself thinking about something else other than him. Have you thought about going and seeing a professional?? I think it might be a good idea. They can help you by giving you some coping tools - I have had panic attacks a few years ago, and I went and saw someone and they really helped me. I am actually thinking about going to see someone again. I really do think that it would be a good idea. You can do this. One day she will work out her demons....just as mine will regret his decision. Hopefulyl both will do it sooner rather than later. xx Hi Ayla, Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate them very much. It sounds like you know exactly how I am feeling, it's nice to know I am not alone. As for my ex fiancee, I don't think that with her it's fear of commitment...I don't know exactly what it is, but 'inner demons' sound about right...probably her own personal issues. She never had problems with commitment...she always knew that she wanted to be with only me and that she wanted a family with me as well. I am seeing a professional at the moment and my GP gave me some Diazapem for the panic attacks. Do you think she will actually "work out her demons" and what do you think will happen then? Good luck as well, I wish you all the best. x x x
Ayla Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I am glad that I was able to help you some what....I do know what you are feeling. I felt that when you replied to one of my threads sorry - the fear of commitment was my ex bf demon...I am sure your ex gf has something to do with her depression etc. And depression makes people act in funny ways - sometimes to the point where they do not realise how damaging it can be. In regards to working out her demons - it depends if she is getting help for her depression and family issues. Or if she is trying to ride it out. I am pretty sure she will work them out - but honestly lovely - it depends on when she works them out....Just like my ex, I am sure he will regret his decison - but it depends on when. Who knows how long that will take or where I will be. Does that make sense? What will happen - only time can tell. it also depends on what type of person she is..... If she is a proud person - she might not tell you directly. You might have to be the person to make the move. My ex is a very proud person - who knows, he could be feeling just like I am now, but he so proud that he will not tell me. The way i am trying really hard to think is - as hard as it may be is this....they will work out their "demon" at some point and they will regret their actions. But I need to move forward in the mean time. If we are meant to be, we will be. I know that you are trying to do the same - but it s really really hard. As the time old saying goes - If you love someone set them free, if they are yours they will come back. Have you written her a letter at all? Perhaps write her one - very simple with not too much pressure. Just telling her that you love her and will be there for her, but understand that she needs this time. I do not think that he blocking you off FB and MSN was due to you - it is probably another product of her demon... xx
Miguelrg Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hey Darkness, sounds like we're going through the same thing at the moment, althought i'm so confused about why she left me and still cling on to some hope she's coming back (only natural) i've been workin out and just trying to keep busy if you get a chance listen to jeff buckley - Forget her, i don't know why i like sad songs to help me but it has helped. hope your feeling better man, we'll get through this given time....
Author Darkness7 Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Hey Darkness, sounds like we're going through the same thing at the moment, althought i'm so confused about why she left me and still cling on to some hope she's coming back (only natural) i've been workin out and just trying to keep busy if you get a chance listen to jeff buckley - Forget her, i don't know why i like sad songs to help me but it has helped. hope your feeling better man, we'll get through this given time.... Hi Miguelrg, Thank you for your kind words. I don't know why some days I feel 'alright' and then other days I just break down and want her back. Is that normal? Or am I just pushing the feelings of wanting her back away because I wouldn't be able to cope if I let myself 'feel' what I do in my heart? I hope you're doing ok.
Miguelrg Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 yes i think it must be normal, it's 7 weeks since we broke up, 4 since i seen her and 1 since no contact, and i'm still on that rollercoaster ride. Some days i wake up feeling great and just so determined to move on and other days i wake up in the worst mood and i can't help but think about her and keep blaming myself ... I guess all we can do is go NC, it basically is a win win situation, everybody here is so right. Stay Strong Man
stillupset Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 i used to get panic attacks too. i know when it happens, it really feels like you've lost control of yourself. when i was with my ex, there was a year (2007) that i had depression. he would do absolutely anything for me. but i would treat him badly, do or say things i didn't mean. i kept wanting to commit suicide. sometimes i felt so numb that i wanted to take it out on someone and he was the only one around. but he understood that i was going thru a lot of issues especially with my family and my studies. he stuck around, and whenever i broke up with him he would call me once in a day or two, kept crying and telling me he really loves my smile and he really wants to be the one to make me happy. that was how he won me back each time. i threw so many tantrums, it was so bad. i think he was spoiling me too. it became a habit. when it got to 2008, i was improving my attitude and threw very little tantrums, but it was too late. in the end, i think i tired him out and he changed and got verbally abusive whenever we fought and then i'll dump him. and then later he would cry and beg. this time, i tried to be strong and show my love properly by doing little things for him that he loved and comforting him. but he was really really feeling guilty, confused and messed up all the way until our final breakup. i'm not saying you should call ur ex and cry and everything cos i think every relationship is different and that a guy should be strong as a rock in order to be supportive. but i just want to tell you that depression really sucks. maybe it would be good to show her support and show you care without exposing your feelings to her? i deleted my ex off my facebook when i dumped him in order to show him i didn't need him and didn't want him looking at my profile and assuming things. but really it's not that simple. don't think too much about that part.
You'reasian Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 i used to get panic attacks too. i know when it happens, it really feels like you've lost control of yourself. when i was with my ex, there was a year (2007) that i had depression. he would do absolutely anything for me. but i would treat him badly, do or say things i didn't mean. i kept wanting to commit suicide. sometimes i felt so numb that i wanted to take it out on someone and he was the only one around. but he understood that i was going thru a lot of issues especially with my family and my studies. he stuck around, and whenever i broke up with him he would call me once in a day or two, kept crying and telling me he really loves my smile and he really wants to be the one to make me happy. that was how he won me back each time. i threw so many tantrums, it was so bad. i think he was spoiling me too. it became a habit. when it got to 2008, i was improving my attitude and threw very little tantrums, but it was too late. in the end, i think i tired him out and he changed and got verbally abusive whenever we fought and then i'll dump him. and then later he would cry and beg. this time, i tried to be strong and show my love properly by doing little things for him that he loved and comforting him. but he was really really feeling guilty, confused and messed up all the way until our final breakup. i'm not saying you should call ur ex and cry and everything cos i think every relationship is different and that a guy should be strong as a rock in order to be supportive. but i just want to tell you that depression really sucks. maybe it would be good to show her support and show you care without exposing your feelings to her? i deleted my ex off my facebook when i dumped him in order to show him i didn't need him and didn't want him looking at my profile and assuming things. but really it's not that simple. don't think too much about that part. I hope you are getting some kind of assistance with this.
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