neowulf Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 It's been about two years since I split with my ex and saddly, I've recent become aware that since that point, I've completely shutdown emotionally. I don't date. I don't approach women. Hell, I barely make converation with people in general. I didn't always used to be like this. The breakup was particually unpleastant and appears to have left it's share of scares on me. It hurt at the time, but as everyone keeps telling me, it was *years* ago now. I suppose I just wondered if you ever really go back to the way you were before that kind of pain. The loss of a 6 year relationship, the death of a spouse. An ugly devorce. Can you ever be that person again? Do you wake up one day and feel like your old self again? Wiser sure, but without the pain? Or is that person I used to be gone now. Am I going to be this emotionally disconnected, husk of a human being from this point on? Am I just going to have to live with the fact that I appear to have burnt the best of me out on that relationship. Thoughts appreciated.
vessv6l Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hey mate A particularly bad break can definitely have long lasting effects. Ive seen my brother have his fair share and he avoids relationships with women as such. He will get over it one day im sure but it does take a while. Such a stressful time in a persons life always has a changing effect for better or for worse. I dont think you will ever be the person you were before the break but that doesnt mean you cant be stonger and better then you were. If you feel you havent healed properly or are still seeing negative effects of the break this far afterward i would suggest speaking to a professional. There may be things that have never been resolved about the relationship that you need to get closure on. hope it all works out for you mate
emotionalwreck Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hello, When my 6 year relationship ended I was the exact same way. I didnt even think about being with a guy for at least a few years. I changed completely. No socializing etc. I was a person I didnt like and didnt want to be. It has been 6 years since that relationship ended and I have not returned to the person I was before it. Alot of things have changed about me because of that breakup but I feel its for the best. I have become a better person in alot of ways. Its weird. I liked myself before but I really like who I have become. Once all of the pain and suffering was over and I finally moved on I am thankful that I went through. If not, I wouldnt be who I am today. I think we all have one devasting event in our lives that changes us forever and that relationship/breakup was mine. So to answer your questions, you will feel again, you will not be the same person but a better one in alot of ways. Hang in there it does take time but you will be fine.
dethfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 it will but it takes time, breakups are emotionally draining and it usually leaves us a bit jaded after awhile. it's hard to get emotionally involved again because it feels like the tank is empty
kizik Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Two years is too long to still be feeling this way. A lot of people will tell you that you need a new girlfriend to get over the last one. I'm not going to tell you that. What you need is hobbies, passions and interests. What do you enjoy? Do you like the outdoors, books, movies, sports, travel? Surely there must be something you love. After my breakup a year ago, I decided to focus on my music. Recorded an album that not only showcased my talent, but acted as therapy for my broken heart. It helped, a lot. Nowadays I'm recording a film review podcast and working on putting my band together. When I meet someone and they ask what I like to do, I have plenty of responses. Follow your passions, and the rest will fall into place.
miss_28 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 i understand where you are coming from and i sympathize... i too feel jaded at times - but i fight it. i'm not saying to jump back into dating, and i agree with kizik, working on yourself will go a long way towards healing. don't let yourself repeat the cycle of pain that your break up has caused... you are better than that, we all are. Basically, it's ok to hurt, feel jaded and have trust issues (it's a year for me and I struggle too, i cried last night for a good half hour), but we have to really work to get back to our old self again. This way we can meet someone who we are meant to be with instead of punish or sabotage any future relationships. Heaven help me if I become helpless and damaged over my ex or anyone else. Baby steps... don't stay jaded for too long, just take it as a lesson learned and try to find things that you enjoy to help you fight the depression. Everything else falls into place once you set that in motion - just remember to go with the flow and get your life the way you want it. Last thing, remember it takes time, so be patient.
Author neowulf Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Thanks all for the advice guys. I think you're right. Focusing on my passions would be a good place to start. It's been so long I think I've forgotten a bit about them I honestly think dating while in this kind of space would be a mistake, so thanks for confirming that logic for me.
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