JohnnyXray Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 This past Tuesday (4/14) was my Birthday. Now prior to this my girlfriend and I planned to go to a friend of ours who lives out of town on the 18th for my bday to party it up, so to speak. However, come Tuesday the day of my bday all I get is an instant message from my girlfriend saying happy birthday and that was it. She had her kids, so we couldn't do anything that night. But my friend said so what, she should still have done something fo rme.. like cook me dinner or something. I brushed it off. Well my girlfriend messaged me saying she didn't have time to go get me anything for my bday but would the next day, my natural reaction was to say "oh i'm not worried about it". But today (wednesday) nothing. All I got from my girlfriend is a message over IM wishing me happy birthday. My friend said if she were me she'd be pissed. Should I say something? Am I in the right to be upset?
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Well, if you already plan to have your b-day party on the 18th, what's the problem? I would expect the gift from her on that date. As for the day OF your birthday...you already knew she had her kids and had agreed that you weren't going to do anything that night. Why would you expect her to come over and make you dinner? I would think with these two things being the case (already pre-agreed that nothing would happen that day because she has her kids, and a "party" planned on the 18th), it shouldn't be that big of a deal. But, I will say this. People are raised differently and to some people birthdays aren't that big of a deal. Growing up, every birthday until I was probably in my teens, I woke up to streamers and balloons hung up in the dining room and a "Happy Birthday" sign. I ALWAYS got a birthday dinner and a birthday cake - probably until I was about 18. So birthdays were a big deal to me. I kind of expected the same treatment when I got married. I mean, not that extreme, but at least for him to take me to dinner and make the day special. No. Birthdays weren't that important to him. He'd been married before me and for the 13 years they were married, his b-day was no big deal. And pretty much had not been a big deal since he was a little kid. So if you expect more from birthdays from your SO, my advice would be to communicate this. Apparently I am not the first of my mom's children to experience this weird phenomenon - b-days unimportant to people. We all thought it should be a special, fun day and our SO's haven't lived up to that. I'm with somebody now that was raised the same I was - the day is special - and we mesh better. Don't be mad at her - just communicate that maybe you were expecting something she just wasn't aware of.
colosseum Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Uh, yes, I think so especially if you had plans with her before hand. Have you been replying to her texts? Have you been talking to her? I'd be at least a bit miffed, if not pissed off...
Author JohnnyXray Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 My girlfriend and I talk all the time. We are visiting some friends of ours this weekend, it's not really a bday party.. just going to hang out with some friends. I don't know it seemed kind of odd that the most she does is IM me saying Happy Birthday. I mean I constantly buy her flowers, bought her a nice christmas gift. I mean not even a birthday card? Even a friend of mine was surprised that on my bday my girlfriend and I weren't doing anything. On my birthday she said to me that she hadn't had time to get me anything for my birthday and she would tomorrow, but then come the next day she never said or did anything. It's like why tell me that and then just not do it. I mean, I expect just an IM saying Happy Bday and that is it from friends.. but from a girlfriend?
JP1409 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I think you've got every right to be upset, especially being your birthday. An IM message is real impersonal, and as you said is something you might expect from a friend. Birthdays and other special occasions with a partner should be a time to express your liking/love for the other half through the medium of a card or a present so if I were you I would be pretty upset, disappointed, annoyed and hurt right now Best wishes
colosseum Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 After having read your second post, yes you should be upset. Sounds to me like you've been treating her really well and she's not even close to reciprocating. Don't settle for that. You should be mad and she should know it.
Author JohnnyXray Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Thanks for the replies, I might say something. Knowing how I am I'll probably just brush it under the rug and end up not saying anything. It just sucks to think the best my girlfriend could do on my birthday is send me an MSN message telling me Happy Birthday. I don't expect much, or anything really, but I would think that she would be more loving than that after everything I've done. As I've said, I've bought her flowers so many times.. one time even spent $100 on flowers for her and yet for my bday the best she can do is IM me Happy Birthday. A part of me says to say something, another part says it's 2 days later now and it is irrelevant and in saying something to her would probably make her mad or something.
colosseum Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Sounds to me like you okay with you treating her like a queen while she doesn't treat you fairly in return. If I were you I would hate to settle for that. Just my 2cents--it's ultimately up to you of course.
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