Sharon1961 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 An old friend and I who hadn't seen each other in many years got back in touch a few months ago and started seeing each other. We are both single and were both really excited about it. This is a guy whom I remember so fondly. There was genuinely not one bad memory and he was such a great friend, always there for me and good and kind. One of the things I was really excited about was that he was such a good person that I knew he wouldn't play games with me or treat me badly. I was wrong. Apparently, life has changed him and he has really been playing a game with me. He wants to get closer but then he gets really busy with work... on and on it goes. What I have come to see is that he is now really emotionally unavailable. It's probably due to his divorce and so I was trying to be forgiving and understanding. But I'm done now. And on top of that I feel really sad because I just can't stand the thought of him right now. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. In part with him and in part with myself for putting up with so much and undervaluing myself. All because of the person I used to know. We have plans this weekend and typically (typically now, not typical of when we knew each other years ago) I'd be the one to nudge him to figure out what we're doing. But not this time. Like I said, I'm done. I'm posting this here in part just to vent, but also to see if anyone else has been in this type of situation. It's just really unbelievable to me. I can't believe that I allowed all this and I also can't believe he's being so careless with me. Thanks for listening.
loveslife Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Awww that's really hard! Don't be surprised if once you break the pattern by not calling etc. he starts coming forward more.
2sunny Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 sounds like maybe you are just friends type of relationship. if he's not making the effort - there's a reason why... he just doesn't want to - because he's not over the top interested. he may just be spending time with you because there's not a better option for him at the moment. if that's all you need from him - then a friendship is not such a bad thing.
thegoodlife Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I was just speaking to my boyfriend about a somewhat similar situation tonight, how an old friend of mine has changed drastically when it comes to women and relationships. I've known him since we were kids and everyone in our group of friends saw him as a stand up guy who would never treat a woman poorly, always very respectable, etc. He used to be a pretty heavy guy and after going away planting trees for a year he came back skinny and looking amazing! Needless to say he gained a lot more attention from women and once he realized that women found him attractive, he had options, and he could see more than one person at once, he fully took advantage of that and now he's one of those guys that plays every woman he's with. It seems once his circumstance changed, so did his character. I know his story is a bit different than yours as he sounds older and with other baggage such as a divorce, but the outcome is still the same for me- I've lost a lot of respect for him. I'm glad we were only just friends.
Author Sharon1961 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Thanks for the responses. It's really nice to hear people's thoughts. The good life - yeah, this guy is older than your friend, in his 40s and a lot of baggage it seems. But even so, treating me the way he has, well, there's no good reason or excuse. It makes him common and I really have lost respect for him. But at the same time I am kinda sad because it seemed so promising. Oh well.
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 You mentioned a divorce, was it recent? If yes, then he was probably very hurt and confused, so he needed comfort. You, as an old friend were a great refuge, so he instinctively went for it. But, it seems like he's not over his ex and therefore unavailable for you. His "game" is just lack of interest, it seems. I can see why you're disgusted by him. Perhaps later in life things will change for the two of you, who knows.
Author Sharon1961 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Thanks Record Producer, I find it hard to believe he's become a horrible person. He's probably just very damaged. The divorce was just finalized a couple of months ago. I know better than to get involved with someone newly divorced but I thought our history would compensate for that. I see that was not the case. So, even though we've always had a great chemistry and compatibility it is just not meant to be right now. I just wish he had been more upfront with me. Damaging trust is a really difficult thing to overcome.
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