fishtaco Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Another vote for not desperate. Although I'm not sure if work is the place to do it. Obviously if anything happens at all, there could be 7 disappointed friends of co-workers. How's that going to affect the work environment? Depends on the maturity level of the people involved. And one thing you can never depend on, is the maturity level of people. But asking your friends for help is an excellent way of expanding your social circle. Also if you believe in fate you've read too many romantic fiction novels. Once in a while fate will do you a favor and throw you a bone. But you can't count on it. In the meantime, be proactive like some of the posters mentioned, I feel is the best way to go.
anne1707 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I think this is a smart way of meeting new people. Work colleagues will want to suggest appropriate friends for dates with her for the sake for both parties, wanting both friend and work colleague to have a good time and get on well together.
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 btw what gives you the right to judge her approach to dating? She doesn't need anyone to "give" her that right - she has one of those at home. Rights, that is. Just because she is single, interested, and available doesn't make her desperate. C'mon, she is sexually starved and panicked that 40 is around the corner and she hasn't had a child yet. Single and available is when you're 24 and looking to meet people at social events, clubs, etc. She took this on a professional level: she gave her co-workers a project. One thing that hasn't been mentioned before is that there were 8 people from work who found her a date. Sounds to me like someone coworkers feel is worth setting up their friends with, which equates to "not desperate". As a friend, I would never, ever setup anyone who I didn't feel was worth setting up, especially from work!"Hey, Linda, what was the name of that loser that's never had a GF before and he's like 38?... Yeah, that one... Well, I have another loser for him... She works with me and she begged me to find her a date... I can see why she can't get one herself... "
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 It's not desperate--it's called being proactive and getting people who know you to some degree, to choose people that will be possible matches for you. Think about it in terms of economics, don't the potential benefits (finding a near perfect match or at least a very good LTR) outweigh the costs (looking somewhat silly for the short term, or failing to meet someone compatible)? Way less desperate than online dating, and safer in many ways. I agree that advertising your desire to meet someone can be risky (I've been there), but hopefully one wouldn't do so in an environment where you didn't feel respected to begin with. If there was one right way to meet people--believe me, we'd all know.
2sure Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 "Desperate". Its an uncomfortable disposition. Certainly, it sounds like something to be ashamed of - especially in a dating scenario. People who are "desperate" are embarrassed by it. Its not attractive. Yet, its human nature to want a partner. Hard to fight that. It doesn't mean needy, its just a natural thing for most of us to desire. This woman sounds confident. We all know women in their 30s and 40s who have had plenty of opportunity, and declined offers...because they are looking for something special. And we all know it can be hard to meet people. Her age, her lack of children does not equate to desperate. OP , I believe is young yet sees herself in the same position as the older woman. Its all relative.
imani Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 She's not desperate at all, but asking coworkers to set her up can be a slppery slope. She could date the suggestions, but in the end the chemistry not be there with any of them. She may then have to deal with her coworkers pestering of "why don't you want to date/marry/move i/have kids with my friend. He's the ultimate catch" blah, blah, blah. Who would want to deal with that at work?
MissConduct Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I don't think that's desperate. I had a dinner party and invited all my coworker friends and friends from outside of work and asked them all to bring a single friend with them. The purpose was to get all the single people to mingle. My good friend (female) met her current boyfriend like that. I don't find that's desperate at all. It's proactive and I think meeting people through work relations is ideal.
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 2sure, great distinction !! Proactive and desperation can be easily confused, but proactive is what people do when they are in a positive frame of mind.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 It's actually better this way, than dating anyone at work. There's a buffer from having to see that person daily, if it doesn't work out.
donnamaybe Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 BEG, I don't think it's desparate at all. It's better to get set up with a guy by people who already know both of you to some degree.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Sorry I don't agree with ANY of you. The girl is desparate as hell. Perhaps if you met her you would see what I mean. She constantly talks about her love life at work. She has been on many first dates was interested in ALL of them and was rejected by ALL. She keeps talking about some guy that she has sent 5 e-mails to and he hasn't responded but has sent her a group forward 2 weeks later. Then she asks if this means that he wants her. This was all before asking people she barely knows to set her up with random men. To me the definition of desparate is willing to go out with just about anyone and then basically stalking any guy that shows an ounce of interest in her. Also ability to fall in love with anything male. I have asked my brother if he would date her and have shown him her Facebook profile and pics. He goes "She is ugly as sin :sick:" lol. I know that I will get slammed for this, but the girl is unfortunate looking. That coupled with her almost jumping on any men that speak two words to her (at work too, married or single) it's just not a pretty picture.
JamesM Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 First of all, your brother's opinion is his own. Not all guys would agree with him. Second, inward beauty and personality can overcome alot of flaws. Third, the one thing that I see happening with her is that she is taking a gamble. She is trying. Many have given up and never find anyone. Taking risks can yield great benefits or bring failure. Yet the most successful have made the most mistakes. Now...I would also like to say that in your last post you added information about her. Suddenly now we see a different person. We see someone who is begging for attention. Many additional adjectives and descriptions have been added based on your observations that give a better indication of a "desperate" woman. You now describe someone who is acting desperate. However, having said that, this is your observation. Perhaps another coworker sees it differently. I guess to me I see the question as...is it better to sit at home and hope for a miracle, or is it better to exhaust all possible means to create one's own miracle knowing that many paths will lead to failure?
Lizzie60 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Hum.. methink she's more of a loser than desperate. Oh here... a desperate loser..
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 First of all, your brother's opinion is his own. Not all guys would agree with him. No, she is objectively unatrractive. Mine and my brothers opinion is supported by the fact that she gets rejected constantly by men, in fact she has not had so much as a second date in the 6 motnhs she has been working with me. Her personality is possibly even worse than her looks.
JamesM Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 No, she is objectively unatrractive. Mine and my brothers opinion is supported by the fact that she gets rejected constantly by men, in fact she has not had so much as a second date in the 6 motnhs she has been working with me. Her personality is possibly even worse than her looks. I don't disagree, but having seen your picture, I can say that you ARE attractive and yet you describe yourself as being in her shoes. What about you and your situation is different from hers? And this is not meant to be critical of you or harsh. I am just curious as to how you see yourself.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 I don't disagree, but having seen your picture, I can say that you ARE attractive and yet you describe yourself as being in her shoes. What about you and your situation is different from hers? And this is not meant to be critical of you or harsh. I am just curious as to how you see yourself. While we are in the same situation, it's the other way around with me. If I go on a date with a guy, I am the one rejecting the second date. I don't bother going on many dates nowdays because I feel zero chemistry on them. So when I do feel strong chemistry with someone (like my boss) I get overly attached because I know how rare it is for me. I have made a decision to be single rather than force myself to date someone with whom I feel next to no chemistry with. I don't chase men, and in fact have not and am not even chasing my boss. Not only have I not told him how I feel, but I don't hang around him, don't initiate contact - I even don't go to many social functions after work even though he goes to all of them. In contrast, she would go on a date with some random guy and then pursue him, call him, text him etc long after it is clear that he is not interested. Then, she will do the same with the next guy etc. She has no standards and just desparetly wants to land a guy, any guy. That's why I am suprised that she is single, given how agressive she is. If I adopted her approach, I wouldn't be single today - guranteed. Her goal is a relaitonship while mine is a relationship with someone I truly click with and can fall deeply in love with. It's all or nothing for me an I am well aware that I might end up with nothing.
Isolde Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Tons of nice people get rejected a lot, others get rejected and reject equally, and others usually are the rejector. None of that really means much. What matters is you see this woman as an attention whore yet you seem to be overly interested in her dating life. ??? Just worry about yourself right now BEG.
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 BEG, you're a wonderful girl and you're very humble. You will meet the man who deserves you. Please be patient. When it comes to dating, I am the same as you. Don't setlle or you will never find happiness.
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