BlueEyedGirl Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 A girl that I work with is 35 and single (never been married and no kids). She recently decided that she will expand her dating opportunities by asking each of her co-workers (me included) to set her up with a single guy that they know. Apparantly she now has 8 potential guys. Many other women commented that what she is doing is very positive. HOWEVER I can't get over how desparate and sad it really is. I have felt sad for her and sad for me because I am more or less in the same shoes. I would never even consider doing anything like that - it just makes me want to cry. Is this what dating in 30+ range has got to? If so I would rather be single forever.
Lucky_One Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with asking a friend to set you up with a blind date. If anything, it makes more sense than internet dating. This way, at least you are meeting someone that has the approval of at least one of your friends; I mean, your friends wouldn't intentionally hook you up with a dweeb who is already committed to someone else, would they? Sad? Not at all, to me. As an aside, I never tried it, but I always thought that speed dating seemed like a lot of fun!
loveslife Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 That doesn't seem desperate at all. How else do you meet people? Online? At clubs? At the supermarket? It's just another way to meet people and yeah at least you have someone who can vouch for them a little bit.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Yeah but at work? Keep in mind that she is advertising that she is single and desparate at work. She is asking people that she barely knows - she is not really asking friends..
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Do you make sure you look good when you go out because you never kmnow when Mr. Right would show up? It's as desperate as this girl's idea. At least she is meeting someone. She doesn't have to sleep with them, she will just meet them. Imagine that she saw you walking with a guy friend and you introduced her to him. The thing that bothers you is that she is setting up these dates meticulosuly. Action-girl. You know what's desperate, BEG? Dreaming about your married boss (that would be you, the desperate one ) You know what else is desperate? Dreaming of saving a marriage after being kicked out and humiliated a thousand times (that would be me - but I finally woke up and am moving on).
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Do you make sure you look good when you go out because you never kmnow when Mr. Right would show up? It's as desperate as this girl's idea. At least she is meeting someone. She doesn't have to sleep with them, she will just meet them. Imagine that she saw you walking with a guy friend and you introduced her to him. The thing that bothers you is that she is setting up these dates meticulosuly. Action-girl. You know what's desperate, BEG? Dreaming about your married boss (that would be you, the desperate one ) You know what else is desperate? Dreaming of saving a marriage after being kicked out and humiliated a thousand times (that would be me - but I finally woke up and am moving on). For what it's worth, I woke up and am moving on too. Good luck to both of us BTW I think it's the methodical approach that disturbs me - I kind of always beleived that meeting Mr. Right is up to fate. I have tried online dating few years ago and went on about 10 dates with zero chemistry with any of those guys. I think there is more to it than just being the numbers game.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 For what it's worth, I woke up and am moving on too. Good luck to both of us BTW I think it's the methodical approach that disturbs me - I kind of always beleived that meeting Mr. Right is up to fate. I have tried online dating few years ago and went on about 10 dates with zero chemistry with any of those guys. I think there is more to it than just being the numbers game. I always used to date men who I had known for a long time. This might be what you need to generate chemistry. Strangely enough, the last two men I had relationships with, including my fiance, were complete chance meetings. It happens when you least expect it. As for what the woman at work is doing, why not? If her choices were limited, due to her environment of not being around a large selection of single men, hey, more power to her for using a creative way to increase her dating pool!
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 For what it's worth, I woke up and am moving on too. Good luck to both of us Yeah, good luick to both of us. :bunny: I realized that my husband never truly loved me (or he stopped loving me at some point, who cares?) and that really sets my mind on moving on ASAP. Since you discovered your boss has a mistress (the wife wasn't enough to keep you away ), you can move on now. There is no better way to forget about something/someone than knowing that it/they will never be yours. BTW I think it's the methodical approach that disturbs me - I kind of always beleived that meeting Mr. Right is up to fate. I have tried online dating few years ago and went on about 10 dates with zero chemistry with any of those guys. I think there is more to it than just being the numbers game.You can meet your soul mate anywhere, including a dating site. I just believe that when we're desperate, we make desperate (wrong) moves. When you are eager to get married (I was eager at age 22 - go figure! ), we talk ourselves into falling in love with the first cute guy who can spell his name and tell a joke. But you can't persuade yourself not to be desperate. You either are or you aren't. What makes one desperate is the desire, not the actions.
colosseum Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 BTW I think it's the methodical approach that disturbs me - I kind of always beleived that meeting Mr. Right is up to fate. I have tried online dating few years ago and went on about 10 dates with zero chemistry with any of those guys. I think there is more to it than just being the numbers game. Strangely enough, the last two men I had relationships with, including my fiance, were complete chance meetings. It happens when you least expect it. As for what the woman at work is doing, why not? If her choices were limited, due to her environment of not being around a large selection of single men, hey, more power to her for using a creative way to increase her dating pool! BlueEyedGirl, create your own destiny. I don't know what Trialbyfire's circumstances were in her chance meetings, but I would be that she gave herself the opportunities for those chance meetings to occur. That's what this woman you know at work is doing: just getting out there, meeting people, spending time with people so that she is not only allowing more opportunities for that chance meeting to occur, but also that when they do occur she'll be ready. I agree the methodical approach loses the kind of romanticized fatefulness we all dream of, but I say that you never know until you try. You can't win if you don't play the game. Just my 2 cents.
jedidriver Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I think this is a positive way to meet people but personally I don't think its a good idea to date multiple people - can be a bit confusing when you are trying to learn about someone when you have so many! But I maybe old fashioned Btw Blueeyes haven't been on here for ages - looking at some old posts and you gave some pretty good advice when I was in a mess 2 years ago after a relationship - would you mind givig some pointers on my new dilema
Woggle Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 It's not like she's agreeing to marry these guys. She is simply trying them out and what's the worst that can happen.
Lucky_One Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I don't see that she is advertising at work that she is desperate. She is asking people to help her increase her chances of meeting a life partner. I hope she meets someone spectacular! Good for her for maintaining hope, while at the same time working to make her own fate happen!
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I think it's a good way to meet new potential 'lovers' or 'partners'. Networking is always a good way to get around new people, etc.. I don't think it sounds desperate.. I actually think it's a good idea.
MeaganRaye Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I think it's a good idea. many people do this of all ages.
JamesM Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Truthfully, it will only be considered desperate if she becomes known as a sleep around gal who doesn't settle with any of them. Probably the biggest risk is that everyone will be talking about her love life. If it results in her meeting the love of her life, then it will have turned out to be the smartest thing she has ever done.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I don't really see what is desperate here. She is being proactive. I think you feel sorry for her because you are projecting your own issues about this subject onto this girl. I best she doesn't feel bad about herself or her life. Why should you feel bad her?
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Probably the biggest risk is that everyone will be talking about her love life.I haven't thought about this aspect. I don't know where the girls work, but I'd be embarrassed to ask my co-workers to find me a date. While the generic idea might be great, these people are real and the results will be some of the following: 1. she will reject them 2. they will reject her 3. she'll f*ck them 4. they'll end up having a great relationship (regardless of how long it lasts) Obviously the last situation is good, but what about the first three? Of course it depends on what exactly happens, but people talk behind our backs. On emore thing: it seems like she didn't approach people asking for a special person they might know who would be right for her. She just wanted to go out with one per co-worker guy. Now she has eight dates. It was about quantity, not quality. It also sounds like she's advertising her desire to meet a man - one would think she might be a lesbian in the closet...
2sure Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Yeah but at work? Keep in mind that she is advertising that she is single and desperate at work. She is asking people that she barely knows - she is not really asking friends.. Just because she is single, interested, and available doesn't make her desperate. If she felt "desperate" she would be more inclined to be embarrassed about her status , as you are. But why? Certainly, it is natural to want to date, have a partner, a relationship. Being proactive about things that are important in your life ...is the only way to make things happen. She doesn't sound desperate, she sounds fun. Meeting people through friends and even work networks is the way it was done before the INTERNET. She rightly predicts that having blind dates set up by people that know her a little & her potential date a little will bring good results. She isn't advertising that she is single. They know she is single. She is simply making it known that she is interested & available to meet like minded people. And she will.
normal Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 so she's single and looking. that makes her desperate? i have a 22 yr old friend whos single and looking. never considered her desperate. she tells us (her girlfriends) to hook her up with a hottie. and we have potential single friends for her to meet. big deal.. she doesn't do online dating. maybe blind dating is better for her anyway.
Star Gazer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 She is being proactive. Ding ding ding! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with making it known that you'd like to find someone special to have a LTR with, and taking steps to find the perfect person for you. Desperation only comes into play when you'll accept less than what you deserve, just to be in a relationship. You're (generally "you're") so desperate to be in a relationship, that you jump at the opportunity to be with any guy who acts like he's interested.
normal Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 btw what gives you the right to judge her approach to dating? maybe if you have a better suggestion for her, you can throw it at her. and if it works for her, maybe you can take a lesson.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 One thing that hasn't been mentioned before is that there were 8 people from work who found her a date. Sounds to me like someone coworkers feel is worth setting up their friends with, which equates to "not desperate". As a friend, I would never, ever setup anyone who I didn't feel was worth setting up, especially from work!
serial muse Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I don't really see what is desperate here. She is being proactive. I think you feel sorry for her because you are projecting your own issues about this subject onto this girl. I best she doesn't feel bad about herself or her life. Why should you feel bad her? Hey Blue, I hope you're not feeling too hammered here, but I agree with all the "not desperate" votes. The issue here is your feelings about dating - what Jersey said is exactly right, IMO. It sounds to me like you're projecting your feelings of desperation and the negative thoughts you've attached to your age and what that means about finding someone onto another person. But you're judging her unfairly, by assuming she thinks and feels as you do. The truth is, you're a bit fixated on the idea that love will/should find you in a thunderclap...and, more to the point, that if it doesn't, that means that it's somehow less romantic/real. I've said to you before, I think - perceptions have a lot of power, including the power to limit you.
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