replicator Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Ok heres the deal... I recently began dating this girl and we get along great - there is lots of chemistry and attraction between us. We've gone on several dates, and although we haven't explicitly said so - we're pretty much only seeing each other at this point. I notice that I'm the one normally calling/texting her (about 80% of the time). However, she is always welcoming to my calls/texts and I am actually the one to end all the calls. I'm just confused why she isn't the one to initiate contact? While I don't want to play mind games with her, I also don't want to seem too available either. I know that what you chase usually ends up running away from you. I like this girl a lot... I just wonder if she's doing the same thing and trying not to make herself too available to me. Tonight I really wanted to talk to her, but I kept myself busy doing other things. I want to see when she will call me... Any advice?
MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Ok heres the deal... I recently began dating this girl and we get along great - there is lots of chemistry and attraction between us. We've gone on several dates, and although we haven't explicitly said so - we're pretty much only seeing each other at this point. I notice that I'm the one normally calling/texting her (about 80% of the time). However, she is always welcoming to my calls/texts and I am actually the one to end all the calls. I'm just confused why she isn't the one to initiate contact? While I don't want to play mind games with her, I also don't want to seem too available either. I know that what you chase usually ends up running away from you. I like this girl a lot... I just wonder if she's doing the same thing and trying not to make herself too available to me. Tonight I really wanted to talk to her, but I kept myself busy doing other things. I want to see when she will call me... Any advice? A couple things: how long have you been seeing each other? How often do you contact her? You don't want to do overkill on contacting her but that also depends on how long and how intimate and how close the relationship is. People in a committed relationship usually talk daily. If she's receptive to your calls/contact, I don't see the problem. I hate the "game" too. But in most cases if you contact somebody or make yourself too available they take you for granted or even get turned off by your "neediness". But to what extent someone sees this as such depends on each case or the people involved. So there isn't a black or white answer. If you don't feel her pulling away, keep contacting her. Maybe somehow subtling slip into the conversation in a teasing upbeat manner that you'd love for her to contact you more. Women are afraid of over-contacting men too. So this could be the reason or it could be that she knows you will contact her and she doesn't have to. Don't worry too much or overanalyze.
CandyGirlXO Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Alright few things here, I am the same way. I won't make contact because I don't want to come off as needy. I will wait until the guy contacts me most of the time also. If she seems happy to talk to you every time you text/call then great, no problem. She probably doesn't want to come on too strong and scare you away. Also, if you haven't had the exclusive talk she probably doesn't know what you want from her. You can't assume she knows that you want to be serious with her. If you do, let her know and she might start actually calling you. Even with my BF, I BARELY called, I was scared he would think I was needy. We talked about it, because of course he noticed. Now we take turns calling eachother, mostly I call him one night, he calls me the next etc... Works out fine. But I got really nervous contacting him before we had that conversation.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I think it's common for the guy to call/text more often at the very beginning. He's the pursuer. And I'd say as long as she sounds happy, everything's cool. How long have you been dating? I'd say my BF made the majority of contact for the first couple of months. We are equal, now. He calls me at night for my drive to work and I call him in the morning on my drive home. And then we pretty much can contact each other whenever. Man, am I glad the score-keeping is over. Just give it a little time. As long as she's making time to talk to you and sounds happy, I don't see her thinking you're needy. She's probably relieved you're taking the lead.
colosseum Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Tonight I really wanted to talk to her, but I kept myself busy doing other things. I want to see when she will call me... Any advice? I say what you did was a smart decision. Don't be a dick about it (as in, don't wait for a week or two), but see where she stands, just to see. She'll get curious and come back to you I suspect.
Author replicator Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Thanks for all the advice. To clarify, it's been about a month and a half now that we've been seeing each other. We've been talking daily, and things are going good. While I felt a bit unsure whether or not I was being too available, I feel confident now that she just wants me to take the lead. I don't mind, but I won't come on too strong to keep things interesting. The last time I talked to her, it was quite late at night, and she actually insisted that we talk a little longer when I told her that we should get off. It made me realize that I've probably been overthinking things as she is very affectionate towards me.
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