Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Did you ever meet someone to whom you were so attracted that they could go on and on talking about mashed potatoes and you would still find yourself falling for them? I don't understand what is going on with me. I met this guy, I really like him, a part of me realizes that the intellectual connection might not be there, and yet when he's around I turn into complete school girl mush. what's going on?
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Oh I know what you mean.. Strong sexual chemistry tends to override everything else... in the short term at least..
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 What do you mean by intellectual connection? I've felt overwhelming physical attractions but I'm one of those people that needs to feel some degree of intellectual connection to get the mushy thing That doesn't mean the guy has to think just like me or understand every word I say--just that I have to be intrigued in some way.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Oh I know what you mean.. Strong sexual chemistry tends to override everything else... in the short term at least.. Yes, it is overriding everything! I feel like I am losing perspective. What do you mean by intellectual connection? I've felt overwhelming physical attractions but I'm one of those people that needs to feel some degree of intellectual connection to get the mushy thing That doesn't mean the guy has to think just like me or understand every word I say--just that I have to be intrigued in some way. That's the thing: I've always needed the intellectual connection to feel the mushy thing. Intellectual connection: getting each other's jokes, feeling on the same wavelenght, etc.
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I guess it boils down to what you want, assuming that there isn't enough intellectual compatibility for a LTR. Would you be OK with just dating and seeing where it goes? How many dates have you been on? Sometimes it takes a while to get on someone's wavelength.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 I guess it boils down to what you want, assuming that there isn't enough intellectual compatibility for a LTR. Would you be OK with just dating and seeing where it goes? How many dates have you been on? Sometimes it takes a while to get on someone's wavelength. Oh I am definitely okay with just dating and seeing where it goes. I'm just having a hard time holding in my emotions. We've only been on four dates so far but I guess what I find weird is that I'm crazy about him and yet there isn't that wavelenght thing really going on. It might come but it's strange.
johan Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I know what you mean, K. Isolde's posts are without exception very dull, but still there is something about her I can't resist.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 I know what you mean, K. Isolde's posts are without exception very dull, but still there is something about her I can't resist. Totally, Isolde is simply irresistible!
underpants Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Did you ever meet someone to whom you were so attracted that they could go on and on talking about mashed potatoes and you would still find yourself falling for them? Yes, Today at the gas station. As I pre paid for gas I saw him and I was like. Oh he is hawt. As I was putting gas in my car he greeted me and started talking to me. He could have been talking about mashed potatoes for all I know I was like gah, you are soooo cute. I got out of there as fast as possible.
johan Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Yes, Today at the gas station. As I pre paid for gas I saw him and I was like. Oh he is hawt. As I was putting gas in my car he greeted me and started talking to me. He could have been talking about mashed potatoes for all I know I was like gah, you are soooo cute. I got out of there as fast as possible. Was he a real hard-body? And green?
blind_otter Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Ah yes, physical chemistry. I love that feeling. A bit dangerous, though, it can help you overlook certain undesirable things that you probably shouldn't overlook.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 As I was putting gas in my car he greeted me and started talking to me. He could have been talking about mashed potatoes for all I know I was like gah, you are soooo cute. I got out of there as fast as possible. You know - maybe the problem is me... Maybe I missed the point of the mash potato talk and Mr. Hawt was really talking about the fundamental laws of the universe. Meanwhile, all I could think was: he is hawt! Ah yes, physical chemistry. I love that feeling. A bit dangerous, though, it can help you overlook certain undesirable things that you probably shouldn't overlook. You said it sister. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. A very delusional part of me is seriously starting to believe that maybe all I need to do is sleep with the guy to get my head back straight.
blind_otter Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 You said it sister. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. A very delusional part of me is seriously starting to believe that maybe all I need to do is sleep with the guy to get my head back straight. If you can harden your heart to the point that you are relatively impervious to this kind of influence, it can be very fun to sleep with these kinds of guys. But it's 50/50 as to whether they will be able to maintain a sane relationship. When you get all that hot and bothered about someone they tend to have undue influence over you through your genitals.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 If you can harden your heart to the point that you are relatively impervious to this kind of influence, it can be very fun to sleep with these kinds of guys. But it's 50/50 as to whether they will be able to maintain a sane relationship. When you get all that hot and bothered about someone they tend to have undue influence over you through your genitals. That's the thing... Hardening the heart is so not how I'm built. In my case, I either like a guy and fall for him or just never really fall for someone. So I don't know what to do! Because I usually fall for a guy before I sleep with him, my attraction to this guy is trying to fool my head and heart into thinking I'm falling in love... When really, all I want to do is sleep with the man. The thing is, the man is not completely devoid of intelligence and charm... In fact he is quite sweet, quite charming and very respected in his field. But in spite of what a great guy he is, we're still not on the same wavelength you know? And while he never went on and on about mashed potatoes, I find myself not really caring about what he is saying and just wanting to rip his clothes off. Oh and he smells sooooo good! This is totally a pheromone thing going on.
melodymatters Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Maybe the wave length thing is overrated ? I was with two guys that we were like soul twins, but when it came to compatibility ? Uh uh !!! Two others were quite different from me, but so easy going, sweet, and fun, that our relationships were long and relatively blissful ! Oh, just go for it K, you only go around once !!!
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Maybe the wave length thing is overrated ? I was with two guys that we were like soul twins, but when it came to compatibility ? Uh uh !!! That's true. I have done the two peas in a pod thing and everytime it ended up being exhausting. My exes would feel they knew me better then I knew myself. Well the guy is away for a couple of weeks - so maybe it'll give me time to simmer down. I really like him. But I have to be honest - he is much older then me and though we haven't broached the subject of children, I kind of get the impression he doesn't want any more children (he has three from a previous mariage).
melodymatters Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 [quote=Kamille;2135130 I really like him. But I have to be honest - he is much older then me and though we haven't broached the subject of children, I kind of get the impression he doesn't want any more children (he has three from a previous mariage). See right there you are " reading his mind" and closing the door on possibility. He might NOT want more kids for sure, he might not want more kids right now, AND, say you two fell in love were blissfully happy, he might then decide he does indeed. Don't go slammin' doors there kammy until you know for sure. Either way, I say have fun with it, EVERY relationship is a risk !!!
carhill Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 So, OP, how would you feel if the intellectual/emotional connection was there? What's interesting is how the various connections affect our emotions. I'm exploring compartmentalized attraction and will read on with interest
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Slow down Kamille! What's wrong with being strongly attracted to someone after the fourth date? It's too early to worry about kids. It's also too early to necessarily expect the wavelength thing. Give it some time. You're also capable of compartmentalizing so if you end up sleeping with him, it could go one way or the other. The two of you like each other. He's intelligent, charming and sweet. Relax and enjoy it!
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 I think what's going on is that I'm freaking out because I like him. I have a lot of work to do right now and I'm afraid any romance will be too much drama. Plus, i just found out that I will most likely be moving next year for a job. Basically, I met him and then I found out I was leaving. It's the story of my life.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Not to mention, I'm panicking because I get the feeling I like him way too much too early - and that the situation isn't quite balanced.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Sabotage is not allowed! Now, stop thinking and keep enjoying the feeling. Anticipation is incomparable!!
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Don't let that affect how you approach this situation. At this time the moving thing is still hypothetical, and a year away. Also, dating him is worth a shot, it could be nonviable regardless of the moving, or it could be viable regardless. Of course, if any red flags occur, you can always tell yourself, "I'm leaving relatively soon anyway... I'll meet the right guy then." The more I tell myself, "Oh, I always meet people at the wrong time" -- the more it happens. Give each situation your best shot, based on how you feel at the time.
Author Kamille Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Sabotage is not allowed! Now, stop thinking and keep enjoying the feeling. Anticipation is incomparable!! Good call! I am definitely trying to sabotage this thing! Will try to stop panicking and focus on enjoying the moment. Of course, if any red flags occur, you can always tell yourself, "I'm leaving relatively soon anyway... I'll meet the right guy then." The more I tell myself, "Oh, I always meet people at the wrong time" -- the more it happens. Give each situation your best shot, based on how you feel at the time. Thanks Isolde, this is definitely a great way to see things.
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I'm glad you find that helpful. It's not about mindless optimism, but being able to not take things so seriously (I have to work on that, too!) Of course, only you can decide whether you want to explore the physical side of this before deciding whether you're compatible. Like TBF said, it's too soon to tell, so you may not want to risk having sex yet if you feel you're already falling for him.
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