H0ney_bi Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I've always heard men want a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets. That naturally describes me so I thought relationships would come easy. But after my last relationship with a guy who claimed to want a woman like that, it doesn't seem like it. He was controlling & would talk down about girls who he thought were "sluts", like they were less important even if he'd hooked up with them before. (He was very promiscuous in the past. Hypocrite.) He would say I'm a good girl and how I'm not like those girls. He expected me to take care of him, do his laundry, baby him, etc. all of which I foolishly did. I'm a one man woman and the guy I'm with has to be a one woman man. I love to take care of my man and be appreciated, but I have a very high sex drive and love to try new things out. In bed I'm pretty aggressive and like to have sex as often as possible when in a relationship. I always tried to initiate sex/oral sex with my ex but he would turn me down most the time and act annoyed/angry. It really sucks to be rejected when sex is pretty much all you ask from the other person. The first time I tried talking dirty he asked me why I was doing that. Which seems strange considering he's slept around so much and watches porn. Anyway, my sexual needs were practically never met and at first I thought maybe he was an undercover butt pirate, but I now believe he has a Madonna-whore complex. Him and his mother have somewhat of a cold relationship, where they talk all the time but usually in an angry tone and never say I love you....I've heard that can cause this. So are most guys like this where they separate women into 2 categories: good women and sluts? How good are my chances of finding a guy I can be in a committed, monogamous relationship with, take care of/he takes care of me, and have all the crazy sex I want with without being looked down upon? Can most men really see ONE woman as their lady AND freak? Link to post Share on other sites
Sam Spade Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Beats me where did this stereotype comes from... It'd never occur to me to compartmentalise women along this dimension (unless it is actually true, which is rarely the case). If anything, it is a lot more fun to mess up the 'madonna' rather than go look for a 'skank' . Link to post Share on other sites
Author H0ney_bi Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'm in no way stereotyping all men to be like this. I'm just saying I've noticed a lot have this issue with women. I hate when men generalize women as good girls and sluts even if they consider me a "good girl" so I wouldn't generalize all men either. That's like saying a woman's worth is based solely on what she hasn't done. Anyway, I just want to know how common it is for men to not be able to see a mix of a good girl and freak in one girl and be committed to her? Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'm not going to shoot him down for looking down on hoish women. But he should be appreciating that you can be sexually comfortable with him. I don't like ho's. But I love when my GF and I get nasty in the bed. Just because my GF wants to get nasty with me doesn't mean she's a ho, she's a lady and a freak, but her man is the only guy who gets to see that freak. A ho gets nasty with every other guy. Or several at once lmao. Either way tell homeboy to appreciate you have a strong sexuality, that doesn't make you a ho. A lack of self respect for your body does ie. going home with random men on the regular, most of the time, men you don't even know. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyJulie Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Not all men are like that. I think this particular guy has a pretty nasty attitude towards women. Trust me, if he's calling some other woman a slut, it will only be a matter of time before he turns that garbage in your direction. I think that men who suffer from this particular complex tend to see things in black and white -- someone is classified as good or bad, good or evil, madonna or whore. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I don't think it's that simple... Men do want a good woman in every aspects.. who is totally compatible with him.. and who is also very good in bed.. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I think her BF is just intimidated by her strong sexuality. A woman being sexual doesn't make her a slut. A slut to most guys is just a female who gets around. One who's easy, doesn't take much to get with, she's been every guy's girl. That's the best definition I could give you. Its like a player. Just the female counterpart. Someone who's been with so many people its a turn off. Or someone who's so easy they seem cheap/trashy. But having a strong sexuality by no means at all makes you a ho. Lord, that's like saying you want a nun in the bed. **** that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author H0ney_bi Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 I don't think it's that simple... Men do want a good woman in every aspects.. who is totally compatible with him.. and who is also very good in bed.. You missed what I'm saying about this particular guy and others like him. Obviously men want different qualities in their SO. But it seems some of them won't allow one woman to give him everything he wants. The thing is I tried to be everything my ex could want in a woman emotionally, financially, physically, sexually, etc. but I was denied sex most of the time. It seems with HIM (and some other men), they can't see a woman they're committed to in a sexual way too much or else they're not a good girl anymore, they're a slut. Like SunnyJulie said, some guys have this black and white thinking. I just hope it's not too common. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 You missed what I'm saying about this particular guy and others like him. Obviously men want different qualities in their SO. But it seems some of them won't allow one woman to give him everything he wants. The thing is I tried to be everything my ex could want in a woman emotionally, financially, physically, sexually, etc. but I was denied sex most of the time. It seems with HIM (and some other men), they can't see a woman they're committed to in a sexual way too much or else they're not a good girl anymore, they're a slut. Like SunnyJulie said, some guys have this black and white thinking. I just hope it's not too common. I'm sure it's not common.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I've always heard men want a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets. That naturally describes me so I thought relationships would come easy. But after my last relationship with a guy who claimed to want a woman like that, it doesn't seem like it. He was controlling & would talk down about girls who he thought were "sluts", like they were less important even if he'd hooked up with them before. (He was very promiscuous in the past. Hypocrite.) He would say I'm a good girl and how I'm not like those girls. He expected me to take care of him, do his laundry, baby him, etc. all of which I foolishly did. I'm a one man woman and the guy I'm with has to be a one woman man. I love to take care of my man and be appreciated, but I have a very high sex drive and love to try new things out. In bed I'm pretty aggressive and like to have sex as often as possible when in a relationship. I always tried to initiate sex/oral sex with my ex but he would turn me down most the time and act annoyed/angry. It really sucks to be rejected when sex is pretty much all you ask from the other person. The first time I tried talking dirty he asked me why I was doing that. Which seems strange considering he's slept around so much and watches porn. Anyway, my sexual needs were practically never met and at first I thought maybe he was an undercover butt pirate, but I now believe he has a Madonna-whore complex. Him and his mother have somewhat of a cold relationship, where they talk all the time but usually in an angry tone and never say I love you....I've heard that can cause this. So are most guys like this where they separate women into 2 categories: good women and sluts? How good are my chances of finding a guy I can be in a committed, monogamous relationship with, take care of/he takes care of me, and have all the crazy sex I want with without being looked down upon? Can most men really see ONE woman as their lady AND freak? It depends on the guy... You cant show him your a slut upfront, give it to him in pieces. Let him receive it in time. And he'll appreciate it. If you give the best thing too fast either he'll probably think you did it before with others and She's too loose or I'm down for whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 That guy sounds lie a douche. It really boils down to a control thing. Men want to control women's sexuality. Hence, they will call you slut if you *Gasp*, dared to enjoy sex with other men other then him. This makes his game have to be better to impress you and men can't stand the idea that you might have been with someone better then them. So the less men you have been with, the less competition he has to deal with and the more likely you will be impressed with him. I say screw it personally. You don't have to tell a man that you had some wild times. He doesn't need to know. You're human. You're sexual. You're allowed to like sex and go after it with whoever you want without having to be labled for it. That doesn't mean men like it and won't try to contorl it. But you don't have to stand for it. Any man that can call a girl a slut just because she likes sex or had many partners is insecure. That's what it boils down to. Men being insecure about women's sexuality. Funny is all men like sluts and want them, but only when it's for *them*. Such egos that they want women tobe these amazing sexual creatures but only for *them*. Fortunetly for women, it just doesn't work out that way. I think men that call women sluts don't really value women or appreciate their sexuality and rather put women down for their sexuality cause the men that do so are really very insecure little men. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I always believed that guys who have had many women in bed have a problem. A problem with their sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'm a man I dont want to control a woman's sexuality. If she's a lil loose, I do want her to be honest about it. Dont lie to me about it. I think many men can handle things but only if you tell them upfront the truth. and RP I have found it that many men who have had alot of women, generally just like sex alot! LMAO! Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Well, honestly I do think in general, in society, men do want to control women's sexuality. that's why we get so many mixed messages from men about it. And don't get me wrong, it's fine if you don't want a woman that has alot of experience. But that is a different manner. Calling women sluts for enjoying sex is another matter. You can't have it both ways Guys. You can't encourage and promote this ideal about "slutty women" but only have it pertain to *you*. There are 3 billion other men in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
MeaganRaye Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 It's not just men who have these opinions but women do too. What is a freak in bed anyway? It seems like the cool thing to say nowadays Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 A freak in the bed is just someone who's down for anything freaky in bed lol. You can be a freak without being a slut. And the term slut is used loosely by both genders. My GF for example, she's far from what one would call a slut, but when we have sex she gets freaky. That doesn't bother me at all. I'm glad she's able to enjoy her sex to the fullest. But the case with sluts, its not about them enjoying sex that's the turn off, they take it to a different level and to the extreme, and they start looking cheap/trashy and easy. Granted you do not have to disclose your past experiences with your partner, but it always pays to be honest if it ever comes up. If it doesn't, your partner probably just accepts that you were wild before him/her. I know I'd be pissed if my GF lied to me about her past and I found out through other people that she was opposite of what she said she was. That would make her a liar. I'd never be in that situation though. I don't commit to sluts/players. They have a bad history, and bad histories you can avoid if you choose to. I'm not talking a fling here and there. I'm talking cheating, flings out the wazoo (for a girl around my age, 20 years), just all around easy to score with. I would not commit to her. Because I could commit to another, probably prettier and classier female, with more respect for herself and less baggage. Though I have to add, the number of partners becomes less significant with age. If I'm 30 and the woman I'm dating said she had 15-30 partners. Lmao, that's nothing. I'd probably have that or double by the age of 30. Older people have experience. The numbers are more crucial when you're younger. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 It sounds like your bf does have this madonna/whore complex. You can either be the nice girlfriend, do the housework and watch him cheat on you with "sluts", or you can be the bad girl, and then he'll only want to have sex with you but won't want something serious. Or you can ditch this lamer and find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
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