whenever Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hi guys, need some pointers to understand why is my ex gf behaving in this manner. I dumped this girl three years back because she opened my mail (i gave her the password jokingly) and read some very old mails she was not supposed to read (basically about my past relationships) We broke up soon after and though she once tried to get back together, I gave her the silent treatment and never explained to her what were my real reasons. She never called/tried to contact me again, until a week back. After three years I receive a mail from her, where she matter-of-factly (not rudely) mentions how she is over me but that she has trust issues and would like to be able to trust people again. I am taken aback and send her a very angry mail basically saying she is self-pitying herself and is pathetic. She writes a highly abusive mail and blocks me from her mailbox there after. Never seen her fuming like this. I try calling her up but she won't take my calls. What just happened?
fofiffs Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hi guys, need some pointers to understand why is my ex gf behaving in this manner. I dumped this girl three years back because she opened my mail (i gave her the password jokingly) and read some very old mails she was not supposed to read (basically about my past relationships) We broke up soon after and though she once tried to get back together, I gave her the silent treatment and never explained to her what were my real reasons. She never called/tried to contact me again, until a week back. After three years I receive a mail from her, where she matter-of-factly (not rudely) mentions how she is over me but that she has trust issues and would like to be able to trust people again. I am taken aback and send her a very angry mail basically saying she is self-pitying herself and is pathetic. She writes a highly abusive mail and blocks me from her mailbox there after. Never seen her fuming like this. I try calling her up but she won't take my calls. What just happened? maybe she just wants some closure. I know if someone breaks up with me and doesn't even give me a reason or the silent treatment i'd be so curious on why..
Author whenever Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 thanks for the response. i request others to put their two cents in. i'll really appreciate it.
patrik Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 its been three years. If you havnt really thought about her or cared in that time. than why start now? I say just let it go
CapitalChick Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Are u serious!? Okay why were you rude? Why not respond in a manner which is mature... Clearly you left her with some serious issues, and irrespective of the fact that its 3 years on, clearly she is reflecting back at her past relationships and trying to understand a little more about herself and her problems. She may have abused your trust 3 years ago, but then to break up so abruptly is also incredibly difficult especially if the 2 people are in love. Anyway what's done is done. Let it be. If she contacts you again, please try and put herself in your position. Im sure it wasnt an easy thing for her to contact you.
eclipseIDE Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hi guys, need some pointers to understand why is my ex gf behaving in this manner. I dumped this girl three years back because she opened my mail (i gave her the password jokingly) and read some very old mails she was not supposed to read (basically about my past relationships) We broke up soon after and though she once tried to get back together, I gave her the silent treatment and never explained to her what were my real reasons. She never called/tried to contact me again, until a week back. After three years I receive a mail from her, where she matter-of-factly (not rudely) mentions how she is over me but that she has trust issues and would like to be able to trust people again. I am taken aback and send her a very angry mail basically saying she is self-pitying herself and is pathetic. She writes a highly abusive mail and blocks me from her mailbox there after. Never seen her fuming like this. I try calling her up but she won't take my calls. What just happened? tbats not cool man, why did you write such an angry email? you dont understand why she was fuming after this? she was just reaching out to you and you reacted totally without compassion or maturity. hopefully youll be kinder to your fellow man/woman next time
Flying Burrito Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Dude, when you give someone your password, expect it will get used. You want to know why your ex got upset? Easy. You were a dick.
Author whenever Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Clearly you left her with some serious issues, and irrespective of the fact that its 3 years on, clearly she is reflecting back at her past relationships and trying to understand a little more about herself and her problems. Does that mean she still harbors feelings for me?
Virgo1982 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Clearly you left her with some serious issues, and irrespective of the fact that its 3 years on, clearly she is reflecting back at her past relationships and trying to understand a little more about herself and her problems. Does that mean she still harbors feelings for me? Now, she is either still wondering what broke you two up or wondering why she thought it was her for three years. You should either leave her a voicemail letting her know you're willing to give her the closure she seeks or leave her alone. I thought it was cool that my ex made a formal apology to me after years of separation. Not saying you have to take it that far, but some people do reflect.
BCCA Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Your best bet would have been ignoring the email. Im sure some will disagree, but when someone emails me to tell me theyre over me but want to trust people again, I just wonder why they feel the need to let me know that theyre over me. Is it an attempt to make me jealous, or are they just letting me know that this contact attempt isnt romantic? Either way, she clearly just wanted to talk, and you should have either said 'lets let the past be the past' or ignored it completely. You kinda just took a cheap shot at her. And then, if youre going to do that, you dont call them up to 'clear the air'. She obviously isnt going to want to talk to you after you called her pathetic, and its a weak thing to do, because if you really thought she was pathetic you wouldnt bother calling. I think at this point, let it be.
BCCA Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 give her the closure she wants Closure can only come from within. Nothing he says is going to help.
jessicasilver Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 not necessarily... my ex ended the relationship with me and until this day i dont know why i asked him but he never ever gave me an answer! i believe if you give her a valid reason as to why it did not work between you two, it would help her understand her mistake and move on to trust again!
CapitalChick Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Honestly, Im not sure whether she wants you back or still has feelings for you. But straight up, if shes even bothering to contact you, she feels at least SOMETHING for you. After 3 years that says a lot. I would say let it be (as i said in my previous reply) OR write her an email and APOLOGISE for being so awful to her and let her know that she caught you off guard and you are more than willing to hear her out or give her whatever closure she needs. Be the bigger person...
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