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ended the fwb out of frustration and he still wants to talk...im weak so

9Lives

By 9Lives
in Friends and Lovers

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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I think maybe I am not being clear with this man. We have been off and on like a light switch in your bedroom.....often. Being with him 4 years now. 3 were relationship times.

 

We have resorted to fwb and it wasnt workng because I wanted more, and he did not. he is seeing other women and he does not seem that into me. We have had sex but afterwards I feel bad because I miss him and all that stupid sh/t.

 

Guys I cant get over this guy. I have tried to be friends but it is too much for me.

So I told him that:

I hated myself for loving you!! Im so tired of loving someone who dont really give a f/ck about me. I need help because I am sick of it and very happy.

 

He responds a day later....We are not talking?

 

I have not responded.

 

I want to tell him that

I need a man who's mature enough to protect and care about both our needs and not only his. Im use to that and your not that man. so maybe one day.

 

 

What do you guys think? I dont want to be friends right now or mayb never cause I cant really. It is too too hard.

 

I just dont know how to answer the questions cause my emotions are too involved. Please help me

Narf Established Member

Narf

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:( i am in nearly the same situtation as you however he tells me we are exclusive but that he just doesnt want a g/f or anything serious right now... Now i cant take my own advice cause im to caught up in emotions with him... However i have tried to distance myself a number of times... Usually after a disagreement he wont talk to me for about a week.. In that time he chats up his ex (she is his back up plan) It makes me feel sick cause i know the moment i end it he will be with her...

But im starting to think now i have created all this and im doing it to myself ... When im so low that i dont want to do anything but sleep and cry i blame me cause i should end it... The problem is when i do he comes back :/

 

I would not answer his txt, you know nothing will change, like me you are being used by him and why would he want anything different when he has everything his way?? He doesnt care about your feelings and that just sucks... You cant be friends cause it would always go back to feelings from your end...

 

If you choose to reply i would say yeah i dont want to talk anymore until you man up and decide ... a) a relationship with me or b) nothing.

 

Hanging around will eventually destroy the feelings you have anyway.. It will just take alot of time and pain

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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WEll yeah I truly truly understand. My male friend help me respond by saying

 

Im looking for a strong man who mature enough to protect both our needs and not only his. I realize your not that man. No need to go any further. Good luck

 

So that is what I am suppose to tell him. Honestly im scared to send it. But it is right. I know I have to be the one to make the change in my life.

 

Would you send it? I need some to help me make the right decision cause it sounds so final.

Enema Established Member

Enema

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Doesn't sound like a good plan to throw a punch at him. You've essentially said he's not a real man. You're not going to change him or change his mind with anything you do.

 

Just say, "I think it's better for both of us if we just call it quits. It was fun, but goodbye".

 

Then go NC.

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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Doesn't sound like a good plan to throw a punch at him. You've essentially said he's not a real man. You're not going to change him or change his mind with anything you do.

 

Just say, "I think it's better for both of us if we just call it quits. It was fun, but goodbye".

 

Then go NC.

 

WEll Enema, that is what my male friend said i should do because that is what men think or something.

Narf Established Member

Narf

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It does seem like you are trying to get a blow in... I wouldnt do that you will regret it later, if your anything like me. I agree with the other poster... I think it should be a txt about you... Not because he is an arse and a man boy but because you have decided that you dont want this stress anymore... I know exactly how you feel you dont want to lose him but you just want it different... You dont want to feel used anymore, you dont want to think about what ifs with him anymore! You want to find someone new but it is so hard when you are still hung up on him...

 

Like i said before a txt that is about what you are feeling...

So something like "Yeah i think not talking is for the best, i had fun but i think we just want different things right now and this whole situation is making me unhappy. Good luck!"

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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well how about I just dont respond at all. Would that be okay too or do you think I should say something.

Narf Established Member

Narf

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Yes no response is fine too... just dont feel bad about it! He is hurting you! Choose your happiness... He isnt being fair on you

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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Yes no response is fine too... just dont feel bad about it! He is hurting you! Choose your happiness... He isnt being fair on you

 

 

okay. I can live with that. I think if he really care, I will get more than a stupid weak text. thanks

 

Now what are YOU going to do. Talk to me. You seem to be in the same boat I am in. What I have told myself is to STOP STOP hoping, wishing, praying,..and that is what I did before the text. Im just sick of giving and not getting. I dont want to miss him and all that jazz. I dont want to experience anything else from him. Silence is fine

 

What are you going to do

Narf Established Member

Narf

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I think he will txt you again... So stay strong...And if he doesnt try to think this is hard but it is better... The grey area is horrible!

 

Hmm i have no idea what i will do, i know what i would like to do but i cant seem to do it... When i dont reply to a few messages i start feeling guilty like i should talk to him cause he obviously cares... So i try talk he ignores it or calls me to girly or says that he doesnt want a relationship right now, we are both having fun why am i trying to wreck it :/ Im starting to get bitter and angry at him, i think it will be only a matter of time before he pushes me over my tolerance line and i will snap and say what i really think about his disgusting behaviour...

 

I wish he would end it and leave me alone, i am now use to being ignored by him and it doesnt effect me as badly

 

There are times when i think hmm he is just young and scared of a serious relationship but he does love me.. Then there is other times when i think im being silly he has no feelings for me or he would treat me better...

 

It really just depends on the day... but in all reality just like you. It is going nowhere... But i just cant figure out why i am still around :(

 

Why do you keep hanging around? Do you date other people too??

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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I think he will txt you again... So stay strong...And if he doesnt try to think this is hard but it is better... The grey area is horrible!

 

Gosh, I feel like I have met my twin Narf. Everything you said is where I have been so I totally understand what you are going thru.

 

Grey is a bi/tch!!! I cant stand it.

 

Hmm i have no idea what i will do, i know what i would like to do but i cant seem to do it... When i dont reply to a few messages i start feeling guilty like i should talk to him cause he obviously cares... So i try talk he ignores it or calls me to girly or says that he doesnt want a relationship right now, we are both having fun why am i trying to wreck it :/ Im starting to get bitter and angry at him, i think it will be only a matter of time before he pushes me over my tolerance line and i will snap and say what i really think about his disgusting behaviour...

 

I feel guilty when I dont answer his message too. He does the same thing that you were saying about ignoring my questions somewhat about the relationship. We have had lots of talks about where we are and what I want. He told me he does not want a relationship because he has so many problems, which he does but he is sleeping with someone else as well. He is a player. I have gotten angry and frustrating so many times and I think he does not really believe I can stay away from him.

 

I wish he would end it and leave me alone, i am now use to being ignored by him and it doesnt effect me as badly

 

I wanted him to end it but he really does not want to end it. He does not want to have me out of his life. He wants to be friends that are there for each other. We have good sex. He wants to be able to do whatever he wants and not lose me at the same time but no answer to me at the same time. There are things going on in his life and he does not share it with me. He keeps things to himself.

 

There are times when i think hmm he is just young and scared of a serious relationship but he does love me.. Then there is other times when i think im being silly he has no feelings for me or he would treat me better...

 

He is selfish. He is a taker and your a giver. He is going to take take take until there is nothing left to take. You are going to give give give until you pop from frustration and hurt. He is not going to treat you better. he will for a little while but then he will do it again.

 

It really just depends on the day... but in all reality just like you. It is going nowhere... But i just cant figure out why i am still around :(

 

Why do you keep hanging around? Do you date other people too??

 

The reason I kept hanging around is because our relationship was very good at one time. I could not have been any happier. He was every single thing I wanted in a man. Then he changed. and I have been trying to have that man back for years. I realize that he is immature. I was crazy about him and I wanted to be his wife. I love him so much.

 

I just told myself a couple of days ago...STOP!!!STOP!!!STOP!!

Stop hoping, wishing, praying, asking, thinking,trying, figuring, wondering. Just stop everything!!!

 

I am so tired of not being happy for real. I love him Narf but I have to stop and give up! I dont want to keep living this way. 4 years of my life and he gets another chic. I give more than he does to the relationship because i wanted it. I just keep getting disappointed and hurt. I know he cares but he does not tell me he loves me. I think he does but I think he wont really know for sure unless I seriously walk away. But he may not. I know he will miss me.

 

But basically. I just told myslef...stop ...i am losing everything over him.

I wont have love as long as I stay. It is hard to give up but I dont think I have a choice. he may meet someone esle and drop me like a bad habit. I just feel hopeles like i had to do it.

 

why do you keep dealing with this man?

Narf Established Member

Narf

Posted
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It really sucks that you are going thru something similar cause i wouldnt wish it on anyone :/ I think it is a form of cruelity!!

 

haha my guy has issues too but he says he has none, he is happy with his life and isnt ready for a serious relationship just yet... I asked if anything will change and he said not in the foreseeable future. He likes what we have. We are kinda in a relationship (Kinda?!? How is one kinda in a relationship?? What does that mean?!) So that got me angry for a few days till he started txting with the whats wrong? Why arent you talking to me? :/

 

I just feel he crosses a line with me... If you dont want a relationship then dont act like we are in one! Cause it is confusing... When we are together we get along so well... We have alot in common and our personalities click.. not to mention the sexual tension as soon as we are near each other.

 

I have tried alot of different things to try give him a chance but it always ends up the same and now the problem is starting to be my bitchiness towards him cause he has hurt me so much. My guard is up now... When he tries to be cute, i get sarcastic and tell him to

 

I guess i stay cause i didnt want to hurt him.. I wanted to help him, he said he cant talk to anyone else (he is a very very closed person), and i do like his personality it just sucks when he treats me like im always going to be there... Like he can do what he likes and i will always have his back... It is like he has me on hold for when he is ready regardless of if im ready :/

 

You are totally right i feel hopeless and frustrated at myself. Cause i know i should walk away ... Just like you do too! It is just very very hard...

 

The fact your guy is sleeping with another girl is horrible! I would use that whenever you get the guilts or the feeling you want to txt him think he has someone else! I need to let go! He is hurting me! Nothing will change unless i do something about it! He has 2 girls right now! You who he can talk to and feels a connection with he even gets sex.. Then the other chick that is just a girl he can use as an ego boost...

 

And i know the feeling of he could end it any minute find someone else... Cause they are not in the same head space as us... They are willing to risk us... Cause we have always been there and we accept the behaviour...

 

I am so tired of playing the game with him, that i just dont want to talk anymore... but i dont want to be mean i want him to understand where i am coming from. I dont want to hurt him, i dont want him to be angry at me.

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