Joker77 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 wtf is there to be confused about? if you're the man then be a man and take charge. take the lead. ask women you're attracted to out for dinner. even if you ask 10 women at least one will say yes. jesus ****ing christ man! what is there to be afraid of? if she say no or sits on the fence then you have you answer, just move on. keep doing this until you find a mutual spark. IT REALLY IS THAT EASY the problem is that men have emasculated themselves to the point where they are acting like women - and women don't want to date women (unless they're lesbian) It might sound harsh, but this is oh so true. Guys have become completely feminine in fear of offending a woman. I have been guilty of this myself at times.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 I know! When a guy is really interested in a girl he will muster up all the energy known to mankind to ask her out, unless he is SUPER shy or SUPER inexperienced. Is that the case here? Well..........I'll probably open a whole new can of worms here but lets just say he's younger than me!! Now I know you're gonna ask me how much younger aren't you? 12 years. But as my Initial post says, I'm not just referring to him....the last couple of guys have been like this and none of them were more than a few years younger than me or the same age. So I just wanted feedback on how dating etiquette may have changed. With the guy I'm talking to now. Maybe he just wants sex, maybe he's intimidated cause I'm older. His last "girlfriend" and I mean she was his girlfriend was my age too. Okay, I'm going to submit this post.......be gentle!! lol
carhill Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 OP, if a guy cannot ask you out and engage you in meaningful aural intercourse, definitely keep your genitals to yourself And, to answer your OP, yes, gentlemen still ask ladies out on dates. Remain a lady and your gentleman will appear.
GorillaTheater Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 if a guy cannot ask you out and engage you in meaningful aural intercourse This startled me for a moment. I may have hit the "bifocals" stage of my life.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Remain a lady and your gentleman will appear. she should only be a lady outside teh bedroom
carhill Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Heh, BF and I are engaging in Belvedere *scratch that, Grey Goose* bravado. The evening will wear on and get better unless BF's wife kills me
paddington bear Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Hmmm all I can say is that any time I've had to question 'is this a date?' it has turned out not to be. I can understand where men are coming from not wanting to shell out lots of cash to impress some girl that they may never see again, but on the other side of the coin, simply 'hanging out' keeps the power in the man's hands, you don't know if they are attracted to you or not, if you're friends or not and so on. If it's a proper date, you both know where you stand, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. When you're hanging out, the guy can be assessing whether he likes you or not, and if he decides not, he can simply wriggle out of any kind of definite putting of his cards on the table 'I mean we were just hanging out, I didn't see you as anything but a friend' which I personally find all rather confusing and messy, and being honest a bit annoying too, man-up, ask the girl out, stop messing about and trying to cover all bases and being non-committal from the very off-set. There's enough commitment-phobic, relationship-phobic men out there without them starting off on that foot in the first place...well, maybe that's just the guys I attract, I realise not all men are like that, just before anyone jumps down my throat for generalising : )
pollywag Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Well..........I'll probably open a whole new can of worms here but lets just say he's younger than me!! Now I know you're gonna ask me how much younger aren't you? 12 years. But as my Initial post says, I'm not just referring to him....the last couple of guys have been like this and none of them were more than a few years younger than me or the same age. So I just wanted feedback on how dating etiquette may have changed. With the guy I'm talking to now. Maybe he just wants sex, maybe he's intimidated cause I'm older. His last "girlfriend" and I mean she was his girlfriend was my age too. Okay, I'm going to submit this post.......be gentle!! lol Ok well that provides a bit more background. Don't take this the wrong way, it is not intended to be taken the wrong way I am just offering a different prespective, k? But, could it be that if he is not inexperienced that perhaps he sees it as just a very casual thing, between you and him? Meaning, he doesn't put much effort into making date plans because he doesn't want you to think you are "actually dating?" Some guys like to hang out with women but don't want to get into relationships with them. Just a thought...
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Ok well that provides a bit more background. Don't take this the wrong way, it is not intended to be taken the wrong way I am just offering a different prespective, k? But, could it be that if he is not inexperienced that perhaps he sees it as just a very casual thing, between you and him? Meaning, he doesn't put much effort into making date plans because he doesn't want you to think you are "actually dating?" Some guys like to hang out with women but don't want to get into relationships with them. Just a thought... I'm not naive enough to not understand that he may just want casual. Of course when most guys approach me they think I'm in my late 20's and that being the case here he thought I was closer to his age. I have not slept with him and I don't know if I will or I won't. I don't have to "I love you" and "I promise to be with you forever" to sleep with a guy but I do need to know he respects me and cares for me in some capacity. I don't do the one-night stand well. I tried it once and it did nothing for me. So I will just see what happens and throw out a hint that I'd like a real date. lol I have to admit......the restraint is killin' me. After all I am a 30-something year old woman. lol/jk........kinda!!
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 she should only be a lady outside teh bedroom LMAO!! Keep 'em coming Alphamale. This is so true. I believe a woman should be a lady when it's appropriate. But behind closed doors with her man the gloves come off!! It's nice to hear men appreciate this.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Honestly, I think if a guy hasn't asked you out on a proper date after a few weeks of hanging out, he's either not that interested or he just wants sex. If a guy asks me to "hang out" in any capacity, I assume we are hanging out as friends, because that's what friends do. That means I do not flirt with him, make eyes at him, kiss him, and certainly do not have sex with him. Unless we have some reason to be friends and there is something that interests me in him as a friend, I will only do this a few times at most. It is not until he asks me out CLEARLY on a DATE and I say yes that I open up any sort of romantic/more-than-friendly interchange with him. If you are interested in a guy after hanging out a few times, I would recommend at that point only accepting an invitation to go on an actual date. If he invited me just to hang out, I'd decline. I'd be upfront about it. If he asked why I didn't want to hang out, I'd tell him I was attracted to him and would prefer to go on an actual date rather than pussyfoot around hanging out. If he responded favorably to that, I'd let him know I expected him to man up, pick a place/activity, and extend a proper invitation.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 If he's 12 years younger, it's probably a generational thing. I've noticed this ambiguity in the teens and twenty-something set on LS and at first, wondered how dense people could get, with not knowing if they're out on a date or not. It took reading a few threads to understand that this wasn't unusual. I'm in my thirties and previous to getting engaged, dated men in their mid-to late thirties, even early forties. There was never any ambiguity that getting together was anything other than dates. They also ALL started with romantic dinner dates.
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 So I'm actually kind of serious. The last few guys I've met want to text me, call me, meet me out in a group to hang out (sit right by me like we are together) or watch movies together but don't call and say "I'd love to take you to dinner/movie, etc." And no we are not necessarily having sex. I say it this way because I'm talking about more than one circumstance/guy. It seems the last few guys I've been talking to have had this mind set. Uhm...........am I just meeting the wrong guys? And no, I'm not unattractive......so I don't feel that's it and I have a lot going for me other than that too (cause I know people will say looks aren't everything and I agree) Any ideas or similar experiences? Yes I think men still ask women to date.. I don't know what to tell you.. but it's been and is still my experience.. men do call to go out to dinners, movies, etc..
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Back to topic.........How many guys still will call a girl and say "how about a movie, dinner, etc" And if a guy doesn't should one read into it in any way? Maybe it's a generation thing. Is the 20-year-old generation not as apt to ask a woman out directly as a 30-something year old? Anyway, throw some feedback out if you'd like. I'm curious as to what girls have experienced and what guys tend to do. Hum.. if the guy is in his 20s.. and you're in your 30s.. it could be a generation issue.. The guy in my profile pic... is a guy who is 20 yrs younger.. he's 36.. we dated many years ago.. and it was like what you're describing.. hang out at my place.. no real dates.. Then I dump him (long story).. then he called last summer.. he said this time he really wants us to be serious.. ... and we went on a few dates.. I told him I wouldn't want to see him again... but... he keeps calling me.. and says he will not give up... he's ready to 'date' .. whatever I want. So, when they are really interested.. just tell them what YOU like..and what your needs are..
samspade Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 The last few guys I've met want to text me, call me, meet me out in a group to hang out (sit right by me like we are together) or watch movies together but don't call and say "I'd love to take you to dinner/movie, etc." And no we are not necessarily having sex. I say it this way because I'm talking about more than one circumstance/guy. It seems the last few guys I've been talking to have had this mind set. I still ask girls out. I ask for their numbers to their faces and I call them on the phone. I also go for the first kiss if I know it's there. I'll pretty much push the envelope at every stage if I know I'm getting the green light. Guys like the ones you described make things much easier for me. There must be a lot of them out there. Even girls who have turned me down give me props for having the "guts" to do it sometimes. It doesn't take any guts at all once you get in the habit!
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 If you are interested in a guy after hanging out a few times, I would recommend at that point only accepting an invitation to go on an actual date. If he invited me just to hang out, I'd decline. I'd be upfront about it. If he asked why I didn't want to hang out, I'd tell him I was attracted to him and would prefer to go on an actual date rather than pussyfoot around hanging out. If he responded favorably to that, I'd let him know I expected him to man up, pick a place/activity, and extend a proper invitation. I agree with this and my friends have said the same thing. If I make it easy and keep meeting him and hanging out with him, he doesn't need to make any effort. I have only "hung out" with him once. We did end up doing some making out but he did not push me when I asked it to go no further. I even saidat that point if all he wanted was sex I would leave and he said no and did not push further. He has continued to contact me but like I said....not date. I really don't know where it is going but the next time he calls or I talk to him, I will try to slip the subject in somewhere.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 I still ask girls out. I ask for their numbers to their faces and I call them on the phone. I also go for the first kiss if I know it's there. I'll pretty much push the envelope at every stage if I know I'm getting the green light. He did all this. He asked for my number, he's called a few times and he initiated the first kiss but contact is spaced out (he doesn't tend to call during the week....not usually) and I often hear from him on the weekends. But not for a date. Just to chat. AND No he doesn't have a wife.........lol. We live in a small area and believe me I would know. Of course that doesn't mean he's not contacting other women and more power to him he is young and single. Thanks for the feedback.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Lizzie and TrialbyFire If he's 12 years younger, it's probably a generational thing. I've noticed this ambiguity in the teens and twenty-something set on LS and at first, wondered how dense people could get, with not knowing if they're out on a date or not. It took reading a few threads to understand that this wasn't unusual. I'm in my thirties and previous to getting engaged, dated men in their mid-to late thirties, even early forties. There was never any ambiguity that getting together was anything other than dates. They also ALL started with romantic dinner dates. I agree with the generational thing. I think the lines have been blurred between the roles of men and women in a relationship and therefore men are unsure of how to approach women and women are taking more initiative in all aspects. I'm not saying all men have quit taking the initiative obviously men like SamSpade and Alphmale would disagree with this. But years ago it was unheard of to have a woman initiate conversation (in a romantic capacity) with a man. Now women call guys, ask them for dates and openly make their intentions known. So why wouldn't SOME guys relax their efforts to wine and dine a woman if they don't have too. Remember guys I said some men for those of you who are still the initiaters and askers.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I agree with the generational thing. I think the lines have been blurred between the roles of men and women in a relationship and therefore men are unsure of how to approach women and women are taking more initiative in all aspects. I'm not saying all men have quit taking the initiative obviously men like SamSpade and Alphmale would disagree with this. But years ago it was unheard of to have a woman initiate conversation (in a romantic capacity) with a man. Now women call guys, ask them for dates and openly make their intentions known. So why wouldn't SOME guys relax their efforts to wine and dine a woman if they don't have too. Remember guys I said some men for those of you who are still the initiaters and askers. Keep in mind that both Samspade and alpha, are in their thirties and forties. As for women pursuing, each woman has to decide what suits her personality type. Myself, I've never pursued or had to pursue. By nature, men like to hunt. Let'em hunt. As for relationship roles getting blurred, my relationship is blurred. He leads with his strengths and I lead with mine. Where we sometimes have issue is when it's both of our strengths. That's when maturity comes into play and the art of negotiation, which he absolutely is amazing at. We've managed to divvy that up, where sometimes he leads, sometimes I lead and sometimes, no one leads. I'm more than happy to follow a good lead, one that considers what's best for the relationship, rather than what's best for solely one person. People in their twenties, aren't always certain of what they want v. what they need. To be fair, this is applicable to all ages. I guess the difference is that we've both been through divorce and a number of relationships, so we both have a good idea of our wants v. needs, strengths v. weaknesses.
alphamale Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Keep 'em coming Alphamale. . sorry but i've run out of material for today... I have only "hung out" with him once. wtf is "hung out"?? is it like "bisexual"?? a term that is used all the time but no one actually does it? Keep in mind that both Samspade and alpha, are in their thirties and forties. thanks for reminding me ....but there could be a generation gap
Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I've been telling myself I'm done asking guys on dates, but part of me worries that my only chance to go on dates is by initiating. I guess it's because I'm stuck in the generation that "hangs out."
Jersey Shortie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 wtf is there to be confused about? if you're the man then be a man and take charge. take the lead. ask women you're attracted to out for dinner. even if you ask 10 women at least one will say yes. jesus ****ing christ man! what is there to be afraid of? if she say no or sits on the fence then you have you answer, just move on. keep doing this until you find a mutual spark. IT REALLY IS THAT EASY the problem is that men have emasculated themselves to the point where they are acting like women - and women don't want to date women (unless they're lesbian) I actually agree with this and wish more men thought this way instead of whining about how evil women are and how it's all their fault that men don't do this or that anymore.
Woggle Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 wtf is there to be confused about? if you're the man then be a man and take charge. take the lead. ask women you're attracted to out for dinner. even if you ask 10 women at least one will say yes. jesus ****ing christ man! what is there to be afraid of? if she say no or sits on the fence then you have you answer, just move on. keep doing this until you find a mutual spark. IT REALLY IS THAT EASY the problem is that men have emasculated themselves to the point where they are acting like women - and women don't want to date women (unless they're lesbian) I know that and I neverhad a problem asking a woman but cut men some slack if they haven't grown these balls yet. I didn't grow these balls overnight and most men take much longer than I did.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Keep in mind that both Samspade and alpha, are in their thirties and forties. So they are in the men take initiative generations and so am I (but as a woman). Okay Spade and Alpha, you may not agree and think men need to grow a pair but you have to admit times have changed the roles of women and stirred up the pool of their prospects, ways of meeting, asking and getting dates. AND technology has changed ways of communicating. Look at Alpha and his date for Friday. He made it via Text right? That was unheard of ten years ago!! Don't get me wrong there are benefits to technology and women taking initiative but it also has caused confusion in roles and also new methods of communication. As for women pursuing, each woman has to decide what suits her personality type. Myself, I've never pursued or had to pursue. By nature, men like to hunt. Let'em hunt. People in their twenties, aren't always certain of what they want v. what they need. To be fair, this is applicable to all ages. I agree with the men liking to hunt. But they also need some encouragement. I'm trying to find a happy medium. I guess if I don't want my dating life to be so confusing I should avoid 20-year olds and immature 30-year-olds. lol
Dexter Morgan Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 ^ For me, it's not about that at all. The date could be coffee and a long (free) walk on the shore. You just want to know he put a little thought into it and didn't invite you as an afterthought. I don't doubt what you are saying at all. But spending time in the dating arena from a man's point of view, you get the women that aren't like you and tend to make men who don't want to be taken advantage of change their gameplan with regards to finding a good woman. just a case of the bad ones making it harder for the women like yourself and MM&I
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