MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 So I'm actually kind of serious. The last few guys I've met want to text me, call me, meet me out in a group to hang out (sit right by me like we are together) or watch movies together but don't call and say "I'd love to take you to dinner/movie, etc." And no we are not necessarily having sex. I say it this way because I'm talking about more than one circumstance/guy. It seems the last few guys I've been talking to have had this mind set. Uhm...........am I just meeting the wrong guys? And no, I'm not unattractive......so I don't feel that's it and I have a lot going for me other than that too (cause I know people will say looks aren't everything and I agree) Any ideas or similar experiences?
Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 When it comes to this, I believe in the idea that "you teach people how to treat you". When my last boyfriend first started pursuing me, he was more into "hanging out" than going out on dates. Right away, I let him know that it was my preference to make a plan to do to something spicy, and then do it. He adapted to my style right away, and even told me he was really getting into the concept of going on actual dates. He figured out that making a plan and carrying it out well gave him more opportunity to impress me and win me over, and he was very much on board with that. I remember this really sweet moment sitting with him at this great restaurant one night. He had gotten a little dressed up and had been working on his dating skillz, and I was beaming and having a great time. Wine, good conversation, flirting. He flashes me this gorgeous grin, looks all proud of himself, and goes, "I'm getting a lot better at this dating thing, don't you think?" I had to agree, "Yes, Honey. You're awesome."
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I think this is most guys' way of "dating" without making it an official "date". I know I'll never tell a woman ever again that I want to take them to dinner until after I find out if we may be compatible. therefore I'll stick to the friendly, and casual, movie outing...etc. If a woman doesn't like that, it tells me she is looking to benefit from the idea of a stereotypical "date". I think too many men are shelling out too much money only to get burned. don't get me wrong, I am not adverse to spending money on a woman, but i want to make sure they aren't out to simply get a free meal and take advantage of me. So far, too many out there do that.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 ^ For me, it's not about that at all. The date could be coffee and a long (free) walk on the shore. You just want to know he put a little thought into it and didn't invite you as an afterthought.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 When it comes to this, I believe in the idea that "you teach people how to treat you". Right away, I let him know that it was my preference to make a plan So how did you approach this? I mean the guy I'm talking to now that's basically all we've done for about the last three weeks. Texted, talked on the phone, met out at the bar once and I went to his house once. But not really "dates" How do I approach that I want a date without appearing pushy? Maybe he does just want sex. So do I come right out and say "are we going to go out on a date or is your intention something more casual?" I guess I don't want to look like I'm being pushy or a "dork"!! lol
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 ^ For me, it's not about that at all. The date could be coffee and a long (free) walk on the shore. You just want to know he put a little thought into it and didn't invite you as an afterthought. This is exactly what I want to feel. Like he made an effort to see me and I didn't have to do all the "work". I want him to show he feels I am worth making plans for and thinking ahead....not an afterthought just like Ruby said. It's not about how much he spends on me. Even if he said let's meet on Saturday and take a hike up (some place). It's not the money...........just make an effort and take some initiative.
fral945 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 How do I approach that I want a date without appearing pushy? Maybe he does just want sex. So do I come right out and say "are we going to go out on a date or is your intention something more casual?" I guess I don't want to look like I'm being pushy or a "dork"!! lol I think what you say here would work perfectly. If you don't get a direct answer (such as "I don't know" or "maybe one day"), then you can follow it up by saying you are only interested in dating and not casual flings (which it sounds like that is the case with you). Then you've laid out your position and it's up to him to make a choice.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 i met this woman Lisa a week ago. asked for her # and got it with no hesitaion. textd her two day later. here is the exchange (word for word) over the next couple days: Me: Would u acompany me for dinner Fri the 17th - Alpha Her: My, so formal, what is this the prom? -Lisa Me: Madam, i just need a yes or no (yes the smiley was in the msg) Her: Sure We're going out Fri nite to some Peruvian place
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 We're going out Fri nite to some Peruvian place Okay, so guys do still ask girls out on dates. But is it true that some guys aren't good at this and that they need some prodding? Or is it more likely if he's not asking you out on an official date that he has other intentions? Any ideas??
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 But is it true that some guys aren't good at this and that they need some prodding? since most men are morons i would say yes
fofiffs Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 i met this woman Lisa a week ago. asked for her # and got it with no hesitaion. textd her two day later. here is the exchange (word for word) over the next couple days: Me: Would u acompany me for dinner Fri the 17th - Alpha Her: My, so formal, what is this the prom? -Lisa Me: Madam, i just need a yes or no (yes the smiley was in the msg) Her: Sure We're going out Fri nite to some Peruvian place Hey thats a really good line..I just met this gorgeous woman yesterday and got her number at the end of the night. But anyways me and my friends and her and her friends are suppose to meet up later tonight. So we'll see how it goes from there. But I would love to ask her out on a date where it's just the both of us.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 since most men are morons i would say yes LMAO........so nice to hear a guy admit it!! lol Well I have made it obvious I'm interested in him. But of course you don't want to do the "too" obvious thing. He may be a guy one has to come right out and ask like I put in a previous post. I know he's interested just not sure how much. He called on Sunday and talked to me for a couple hours. But still NO DATE!! Ugh!
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 He called on Sunday and talked to me for a couple hours. But still NO DATE!! Ugh! why don't you just ask the clown to ask you out on a date?
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 why don't you just ask the clown to ask you out on a date? Alpha---you are cracking me up. You are right. I thought of so many easy ways to slide that in AFTER I talked to him. Like when he said Wednesday was payday. I should have said, "Really? So where are we going for dinner or When are you taking me to dinner or a movie" something like that. I get nervous and didn't think on my toes!! You darn guys!! lol
Joker77 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 This sounds like the situation I'm currently in. There's this girl I've been talking to at my gym who works there. She first started coming up to me and chatting it up. I thought she was into my friend since he is more her age than I am. She's 22 and I'm 31. My friend is 24. Anyways, it turns out she was interested in me. We have hung out a couple of times and I'm kind of wary to make any effort since I just got burned by a 31 year old single mom who kicked me to the curb for a 42 year old guy who is still married. Anyways, I've been trying to plan something concrete with this girl and she is either tired or won't follow up on plans once we've made them. The thing that is confusing is that she has told a co-worker of my sister that she has a crush on me and actually told me one night we hung out that I was "hot". I don't know if she thinks I'm just trying to use her for sex or what. I'm not. That point of my life is past me. I know she has dated some complete d-bags who have abused her. I don't know if she's afraid to take a chance or what. I've tried making an effort but with texting these days, it seems like the traditional way of setting up a date is all but gone. It goes for both men and women. We have all become lazy.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I know she has dated some complete d-bags who have abused her. if you don't fit that "mold" then she's not interested. period.
Joker77 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 if you don't fit that "mold" then she's not interested. period. It's strange how that works isn't it? Unless you are bashing someone's head into a car door, they want nothing to do with you.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 It's strange how that works isn't it? Unless you are bashing someone's head into a car door, they want nothing to do with you. actually if you think about it and analyze, it makes perfect sense. if a woman has a history of being with abusive men then she basically LIKES abusive men. period
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 actually if you think about it and analyze, it makes perfect sense. if a woman has a history of being with abusive men then she basically LIKES abusive men. period Actually she doesn't like abusive men she like dysfunctional men.......just like her it could be the next guy is an alcoholic, dead beat or just unemotionally unavailable. Take it as a compliment if she is not attracted to you. Maybe you are too "healthy" for her. I'm not putting her down. Because I've been there and been with men that I've broke up recently for this reason (before I got healthy I would not have done this. I would have stayed with them until something else broke us up). She needs to get herself healthy to have a healthy relationship and until then a guy with it "together" won't be her type.
Joker77 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Actually she doesn't like abusive men she like dysfunctional men.......just like her it could be the next guy is an alcoholic, dead beat or just unemotionally unavailable. Take it as a compliment if she is not attracted to you. Maybe you are too "healthy" for her. I'm not putting her down. Because I've been there and been with men that I've broke up recently for this reason (before I got healthy I would not have done this. I would have stayed with them until something else broke us up). She needs to get herself healthy to have a healthy relationship and until then a guy with it "together" won't be her type. It's kind of a weird situation because she seems very goal oriented. She is talking about going to nursing school and how she doesn't want to go out and party anymore. I really don't think anything would materialize with this girl because of her age but I thought it wouldn't hurt to try dating again. I figured if I just got done dating a 31 year old single mom who was about as mature as a 7 year old girl then why not try a 22 year old girl? Maybe she could be more mature than the 31 year old. Who knows.
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Back to topic.........How many guys still will call a girl and say "how about a movie, dinner, etc" And if a guy doesn't should one read into it in any way? Maybe it's a generation thing. Is the 20-year-old generation not as apt to ask a woman out directly as a 30-something year old? Anyway, throw some feedback out if you'd like. I'm curious as to what girls have experienced and what guys tend to do.
Woggle Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Today the dating rules are all out of whack so men are confused as hell as to what they should do. I don't think that men are purposely trying to be inconsiderate but they just don't know how to approach things.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Today the dating rules are all out of whack so men are confused as hell as to what they should do. I don't think that men are purposely trying to be inconsiderate but they just don't know how to approach things. wtf is there to be confused about? if you're the man then be a man and take charge. take the lead. ask women you're attracted to out for dinner. even if you ask 10 women at least one will say yes. jesus ****ing christ man! what is there to be afraid of? if she say no or sits on the fence then you have you answer, just move on. keep doing this until you find a mutual spark. IT REALLY IS THAT EASY the problem is that men have emasculated themselves to the point where they are acting like women - and women don't want to date women (unless they're lesbian)
Author MeMyself&I Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 wtf is there to be confused about? if you're the man then be a man and take charge. take the lead. ask women you're attracted to out for dinner. even if you ask 10 women at least one will say yes. jesus ****ing christ man! what is there to be afraid of? if she say no or sits on the fence then you have you answer, just move on. keep doing this until you find a mutual spark. IT REALLY IS THAT EASY the problem is that men have emasculated themselves to the point where they are acting like women - and women don't want to date women (unless they're lesbian) Wow! alphamale you are right BUT cut Woggle some slack. It has been found that the lines between roles of men and women have become blurry. It would be nice if all men took the initiative like you say they should but with women having more sexual freedom and prominence in the workplace the positive results also produced negative one's (in my opinion). So keep 'em coming this is a great thread and some good advice.
pollywag Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 wtf is there to be confused about? if you're the man then be a man and take charge. take the lead. ask women you're attracted to out for dinner. I know! All the excuses by men who don't have the balls to say "wanna grab dinner Sat?' are hilarious! Some men are so afraid of rejection they would rather be alone their entire lives. OP I just don't know that you can "make" a man a planner. Maybe you are dating the wrong types of men. If you have to concoct a way to nudge him to ask you out on a formal date, exactly how many other things do you need to play "mommy" to after that? Ditch the loser, find a guy with balls! When a guy is really interested in a girl he will muster up all the energy known to mankind to ask her out, unless he is SUPER shy or SUPER inexperienced. Is that the case here?
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