27 and in a completely new place

[kofloz]

ok, well first post on any site of this manner at all. But maybe I can get some insight here. Sorry if this is way too long.

 

Well I met a girl at the beginning of last summer. We met @ a bar when I was asked by the singer to come and play/sing a song (jason mraz - i'm yours), then out of the woodwork comes this little, absolutely gorgeous girl, singing along with such a big smile. Well one thing led to another, and we started dating. She lived a few hours away from me, but we both had hectic work schedules and somehow just kept seeing each other enough to start a relationship. Now before this, I had never really been in a long term relationship, no real reason why, just hadnt ever happened for me.

 

Well, to keep from rambling on here too much, I started to fall for this girl, but was afraid of falling too fast or looking like a chump for falling for the first girl I dated for more than a few months, so I kind of just tried to keep her really happy and around to give me time to figure out what I was thinking. After about 6 months of dating, things got really different, to put it bluntly, she was seeming less interested. She loved to talk on the phone, but when we got together, she wouldnt touch me. It happened gradually, over a few weekends, sex went from 3 times a day to once every 4 days. I thought it was just a woman thing so I just sat back and let it go. Well eventually I broke it off with her, after 3 weeks of this (the last 3 day stint together with no sex at all), but only as a defensive mechanism for feeling rejected. Of course within a few days, I called her back and wanted to reconcile....and we did.

 

She came back, and we slept together the first night, but after that, it all just started happening again. We lasted another week before I asked what was wrong, and she said she had lost attraction for me, that I just seemed like a friendly hang out buddy. She felt that I had consumed myself in her and was almost like her puppet. Harsh words, but I practically had to put them in her mouth to make her say it, she would rather have just sit there until I left I think. But after hearing them, I left.

 

Over the next few weeks, we spoke a few times. She even sent one very endearing email saying how much she missed me and how she doesnt want to close out the possibility of us in the future, but she felt I needed to get out and get more relationship experience before that could ever happened, and that she could only hope I would return to her after I had it. This was an isolated incident though. At other times in those talks just after the break up, she would say things like, you started to call all the time, when at first you would only call every few days (I have emails from her BEGGING me to call more, and that she felt unwanted, and other emails thanking me for starting to call more and how much she appreciated it).

 

We havent seen each other in 3 months now, and though I am much better than I was in the beginning, I still miss her, pretty much daily. In those 3 months, I sent her flowers on valentines day (she thanked me at first, then called me a stalker to her friends for doing it), contacted her maybe 4-6 times (all short conversations), and wrote one hand written letter after not speaking for over a month.

 

The last 2 times I have heard from her, once in reply to the letter and again in reply to a question (legitimate question) I had texted to her cell. She is almost down right rude, or maybe smug is a better word. It seems like she is talking to someone she thinks she is so much better than, and doesnt even deserve the time to hear from her, and frankly that really pisses me off about her.

 

Now, 3 and a 1/2 months since we broke up, I'm here. Dating another girl, who is sweet, attractive and fun (and really into me), but I just dont feel a spark with her at all, but I am still dating her because I dont want to be alone. I miss my ex, she really was so challenging and intriguing, and brought her own plate to the table, and secondly, probably had the most beautiful face I had ever seen. I am ok now, really back and forth, some moments I dont want her at all, and 10 minutes later I wish she would just wise up. In those 7-8 months we dated, I never told her I loved her.....until after we broke up (lame i know). But now I just dont really know what to do. Do i just chalk up the loss and let her be the one that got away and try to move forward? I have no idea, I dont think I can make her come back, thats impossible, she'll just have to come back to me, but I feel pretty pathetic waiting on that to happen.

 

okay, i've said enough, thanks for reading

[LoveLace]

Waiting on her is a bad idea. Trying to get her back is another bad idea. If you are no longer interested in the new GF, find a new interesting one and date her. That, or boycott dating for a while, and keep yourself busy with things that you enjoy. She is not the only thing in the world that makes you happy right? Take up something new and interesting to you. You'd be amazed how much it helps. You sound accepting that you probably can't win her back, so that's a good step forward for YOU. She keeps changing her mind on you, which sucks for you, so move forward for yourself and tell yourself it's because she doesn't even know if she wants you or not, (sounds more like not, sorry), and you deserve someone who knows what they want by now. She's made you almost miserable. Break-ups are miserable. Time to choose your next move that has nothing to do with her. Do you have buddies? Get a poker night together. Go to strip clubs. Do things you might not normally do (that is legal, anyway).

 

I know it's hard.