Ash2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 It is really annoying when my boyfriend looks at other girls. I understand it's normal to and in a way I am really happy that he is but staring and glancing several times ...just doesn't seem right. I completely trust him when he is not with me but when he is, I feel that it is rude and disrespectful to do that. I have spoken to him about it and he has improved a little here and there - I am not sure anymore how to react to it......
Lizzie60 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Yes,,, if he does it in a very evident manner.. then it is disrespectful... but if he is subtly looking.. you need to stop watching where he's glancing..
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Staring and glancing several times?! I never understand why any female puts up with this. And why they don't stop it. What is there to talk about? If a man I was with did that I would just leave. Immediately and with no explanation. I do not need to get all upset and tormented. He wants someone else -- GO. When -- yes WHEN he comes to find me a figure it out I'd tell him I thought he was having a great time with all the eye candy and that I think it is disrespectful and I didn't particularly care for the show. You bet he'd apologize and try to make it okay. And he wouldn't do that again.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Very rude and disrespectful. Subtle glances are one thing -- staring and gawking is another. Honestly, at this point, I would dump him. A guy who hasn't learned not to leer is not a guy I want to waste my time on.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 are you trying to tell us that you don't look at other guys and think to yourself, "damn he is hot!" while biting your bottom lip?
Author Ash2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 are you trying to tell us that you don't look at other guys and think to yourself, "damn he is hot!" while biting your bottom lip? Well....yes...I think every girl/guy does - which is why I think it is normal but it's a little hurtful when you have spoken to them about it and how uncomfortable you are with it. We have been dating for two years and I have just recently started getting bothered by it. Everytime we go for dinner or if I am out - I am always wondering how we should choose a place where there will be less nicer looking girls.....but it's impossible to live a life like that - I am not sure if I am over reacting to this tho.....
fishtaco Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I think the ladies are saying it's okay to look, both men and women do this. Good looking people are good looking. But do it with class, like enjoying a work of art, as opposed to eyeballs bulging out in an attempt to activate X-ray vision.
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Well....yes...I think every girl/guy does - which is why I think it is normal Majority may - I don't and never have. I have an appreciation for attractive people but those kinds of assessments I make in one take -- a short glance if I even care that much at that point. but it's a little hurtful when you have spoken to them about it and how uncomfortable you are with it. You bet it is. And why are you putting up with it again? We have been dating for two years and I have just recently started getting bothered by it. Everytime we go for dinner or if I am out - I am always wondering how we should choose a place where there will be less nicer looking girls.....but it's impossible to live a life like that - I am not sure if I am over reacting to this tho..... Girlfriend - he stares and glances several times. !! - !! Just about anyone would be bothered by that kind of blatant disrespect. You aren't overreacting. But you trying to compensate by finding restaurants is just crazy. Why would you spend this much time compensating for a problem that so clearly needs to be resolved in the quickest manor. Dump his sorry behind out of nowhere. No talking - no explanation. He WILL come looking for one and want you back. Then you can tell him how things need to be with you. If he can't make the adjustment then you move on to a man who is more respectful of you and doesn't ignite insecurities in you with his classless behavior. Problem solved.
fishtaco Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 While I agree with Island girl that your BF needs an adjustment, I wouldn't do it in the way she suggested. When you don't talk, that means you don't care to work on the relationship. It usually makes both sides even more angry and makes things worse. I believe it's better that he at least knows why you're pissed off. If you want out of the relationship because this is a deal breaker, then just end it. There's no need for the silent treatment and wait for him to come to you or whatever. Who cares, it's over. Just cut it off and move on. Why even stir up more drama before you end it? If you want to make the relationship work, then talk to him about it. Tell him to quit it. Tell him your point of view, how it's disrespectful. Offer a middle ground, tell him to make it subtle, I think that's reasonable for both sides. If he can't stick with it, then you take further actions, which could include dumping him. Anyway that's what I think.
single ape Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 if you happen to find a man that doesnt look at girls, then he looks at boys.. just bust him when he does and he will start to watch himself..
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Well....yes...I think every girl/guy does - which is why I think it is normal but it's a little hurtful when you have spoken to them about it and how uncomfortable you are with it. We have been dating for two years and I have just recently started getting bothered by it. Everytime we go for dinner or if I am out - I am always wondering how we should choose a place where there will be less nicer looking girls.....but it's impossible to live a life like that - I am not sure if I am over reacting to this tho..... I don't think you are overreacting. If he is staring at other women consistently... he has an issue. You need to get him to agree it is disrespectful to you, and that he will stop. Then just punch him in the ribs when he does it. After a while he should come around. If not... I would dump him.
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 If you want to make the relationship work, then talk to him about it. Tell him to quit it. Tell him your point of view, how it's disrespectful. Offer a middle ground, tell him to make it subtle, I think that's reasonable for both sides. If he can't stick with it, then you take further actions, which could include dumping him. I think you missed the part where she said she has already talked to him about it. And he still continues to do it blatantly. So she already tried this. It's my own policy that I do not discuss deal breakers. Sure I know I can be a Byatch about it -- like my suggestions here. But that is how I am and what I would do. I suppose that is why I have never had to deal with situations like this one.
fishtaco Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I think you missed the part where she said she has already talked to him about it. And he still continues to do it blatantly. So she already tried this. Oops, you're right, I did miss that part. Well then, if it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker.
BCCA Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 If you had any idea how fickle men really are, you wouldnt care. I can promise you 5 seconds after he looks, he forgot what she looked like. We just see things that catch our eye, but it doesnt mean that we want to leave you for some random girl that walks by with her boobs hanging out. And why again do women have thier thongs/boobs hanging out? So guys will look!
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 If you had any idea how fickle men really are, you wouldnt care. I can promise you 5 seconds after he looks, he forgot what she looked like. Then it really isn't worth disrespecting the female you are with by going overboard, is it now? We just see things that catch our eye, but it doesnt mean that we want to leave you for some random girl that walks by with her boobs hanging out. Then the guy needs to realize the one he wants to be with will walk out on him if he acts like a pig and treats her like crap. And why again do women have thier thongs/boobs hanging out? So guys will look! Hey now! My boobs are out because I just so happen to be stacked. Should I be going all "Boys Don't Cry" and strapping them down with an ace bandage because a man with his girlfriend or wife can't behave himself? Or should he respect the woman he is with enough not to be so obviously discounting and disrespectful of her feelings? Oh yeah. Hmmm. I think he should be required to be an adult and not be lecherous while he is with the woman he supposedly cares about.
BCCA Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Then it really isn't worth disrespecting the female you are with by going overboard, is it now? Its a natural reaction. Men are the ones who do the chasing, and part of that is noticing things that are worth the effort. We dont think its disrespectful, women do it, too. Then the guy needs to realize the one he wants to be with will walk out on him if he acts like a pig and treats her like crap I dont see how thats even close to treating her like crap. A quick glance here and there? Come on, thats really not like hes trying to get numbers right in front of you, or ignoring what youre saying because hes staring at some girl. He saw a pretty woman, and took a glance. If thats being a pig that treats her like crap, every man in the world is a pig. Seriously, you might not catch every guy in the act, but we all do it. Hey now! My boobs are out because I just so happen to be stacked. You cant wear a shirt with a normal neckline, over the one that goes mid clevage? And if you have a lot cut shirt with your boobs hanging out, youre doing it because you want men to look. I think he should be required to be an adult and not be lecherous while he is with the woman he supposedly cares about. 'Supposedly'? Come on, taking a quick look at a woman walking by does not make you a creep that doesnt care about his gf. And again, if it does, you should become lesbian, because every man in the world does this.
Island Girl Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Its a natural reaction. Men are the ones who do the chasing, and part of that is noticing things that are worth the effort. We dont think its disrespectful, women do it, too. Again your feelings and thoughts aren't what's important in this situation. You have a girlfriend or a wife. You want to keep said girlfriend or wife. Then her feeling and thoughts about should become a priority. If not then you are suddenly single and you go looking for another girlfriend or wife. Most women can replace the man in their life faster than a man can replace the woman. I dont see how thats even close to treating her like crap. A quick glance here and there? Come on, thats really not like hes trying to get numbers right in front of you, or ignoring what youre saying because hes staring at some girl. He saw a pretty woman, and took a glance. If thats being a pig that treats her like crap, every man in the world is a pig. Seriously, you might not catch every guy in the act, but we all do it. A quick glance is NOT what is being discussed. Staring and repeated looks are. Every man isn't so blatantly disrespectful. And if you can't see the error in behaving that way then good luck with your quest to find a girl who is fine with it. Especially one who is fine with you ogling while she is talking to you. You cant wear a shirt with a normal neckline, over the one that goes mid clevage? And if you have a lot cut shirt with your boobs hanging out, youre doing it because you want men to look. It doesn't matter what I wear (AS YOU WELL KNOW). If I wear turtleneck it is the same way. And I do not dress in any specific way because I want men to look. I dress for myself. I wear what I like on me and what I feel comfortable in. I don't need any attention from other men. 'Supposedly'? Come on, taking a quick look at a woman walking by does not make you a creep that doesnt care about his gf. And again, if it does, you should become lesbian, because every man in the world does this. Again, we aren't discussing a "quick look". Staring and repeated glances. Certainly controllable if he wanted to control it. And I am not single sweetie. I am very happily married. And no, my husband would never disrespect me in such a way. Funny how you come here posting as you are for the male perspective. And look at all the women here having a problem with it. I would think that speaks to keeping a woman happy and how to hold on to a woman is keeping her happy. If I was a guy on the dating scene I'd be taking notes so I could be more successful in my relationships.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Oggling other women, regardless if its in the presence of your GF or not, or if you're single or not, is just creepy as ****. A quick "oh she's hot" glance is okay.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hrm. I think if I were to stay with a guy that had a painfully obvious roving eye (which, I wouldn't - that IS disrespectful) and we've already talked about it, I'd start giving it back to him. Although, I'd probably step it up a notch - making comments, outright flirting in front of him. Then ask how he likes it. If it doesn't bother him at all, then we have a problem and I'd be done. I found out from being cheated on that the cheater needed a taste of his own medicine to understand how it felt. Maybe the roving eye needs the same treatment if talking didn't help.
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