DudeMan27 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Well its only been a month, I laugh when I say that because on the outside I look at it and think 4 weeks is not long at all. But I literally feel like its been a year. I have not gotten any better. At the outset, I was very hurt but told myself to really take this opportunity and work on myself, gain confidence, stay healthy, etc. After my previous breakup, I would look back and couldnt believe how upset I was, and wished I didnt do the things I did and this time around swore I wouldnt fall into that trap, and I did. I can't concentrate on anything. I went from going to the gym 5 days a week, now im lucky if I make it 1. Im a drinker, but told myself Im not going to fall into that trap of drinking the pain away. In the month since, I think i havent drank just 2 days. I lay around all day trying to fall asleep because its the only time I dont feel like crap. My house is a mess because as soon as I get home from work, I find any excuse to get out of it. I have a long commute so not much time at night before I have to get to bed. That time was usually spent with my ex, or going to the gym. Now I look for if any of my friends are out, doing anything, even in the middle of the week, and go sit with them because I dread being alone. Each weekend I told myself, just dont think about it for these 2 days, then see how you feel. That never worked, so if I go out with my friends to watch a game or something I try to say, for these 3 hours, dont think about it at all just have fun. Still hasnt worked. In the weeks leading up to the breakup, when my ex was becomming emotionally distant, I lost any confidence I had. I was so uptight around her because of fear of what she was thinking, I analyzed her every move. I couldnt crack any jokes, or be too much fun because I was so nervous. I think that contributed to the split as well. If she sat next to me on the couch but didnt lay her head on my shoulder, I freaked in my mind. Then she would kiss me before I left for work and I'd feel fine. Back and forth back and forth. This time I told myself would be different than previous breakups and my plan was to really work on myself during the breakup. Lose some weight, gain confidence back, work on my appearance and also mental strength. That way, when we do eventually talk, she'll see how well I handled it, and see that person I was before things turned sour. The confident, funny guy she had fun with. Not that I was hoping this would bring her back, but so we could at least maintain a friendship. The majority of the breakup was myfault, so I have a hard time being angry with her. But I did none of that and I feel like I can't pull myself out of this hole. I became the exact opposite, and emotional wreck. I look back and think what a waste these last 4 weeks were. But its like I cant physically do anything to stop it. If my ex knew how I was, she'd think I was so pathetic and glad she ended it. I just woke up today, late for work cuz i stayed out with my friend last night because I couldnt be alone with my thoughts, I hadnt showered, and just realized, after only 4 weeks, I may have hit rock bottom. She's out living it up with her friends, laughing, looking for a new job. And I do nothing but think about that first night with her a year ago, sitting with her friends, and the potential for such a beautfiul relationship ahead until I blew it. Not once, but getting her back and doing it again. I can't break out of this funk.
Sonic_chaos Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Man, i really feel for you. Im very much the same, sleep get up late altho i havent turned to drink. ive been like this nearly 2 months now, *altho the official break was only 2 weeks ago* You have got to do the counter of what you are doing. If you really think there maybe a chance you could win her back again, for that sake alone. Sort it out!!!!! Thats my goal at the moment, trying to get myself back to that atractive state i was before i met her. Ive got it quite easy, i havent gained any pounds etc, in fact the break up has made me loose weight, through not eating properly. Even though i myself have also hit rock bottom, i keep telling myself that other people cant and wont find me atractive the way i am and acting now, even the smile. Even though i love my ex so much, im letting go of her. You have to let go to get it back, if you let go and you dont want to go back. You've at least done the hard part. Drinking isnt the answerman. Altho being around your friends is the right thing to do. Attempt to tidy your place up. Seriously, put the music system on, a happy cheerfull or something you enjoy listening to, something not asociated with your ex. Crack a beer open and just put stuff away! you can kill 2hours no problems just tidying and cleaning up. Let yourself you cant bring potential girlfriends/your ex back to this mess can i?! I at the moment like my own space, as im living with my parents they are always in my face, *in a nice way of course* but i need space. So like today, ive been for a walk out. Just outside, put my mp3 player on and walked. Get your mates to come too. Or try to get involved with there activities. I think people forget that no matter how low they think they are, there is always someone else more worse off then thereself. And its true. look at the positives, you have a house, job, friends that care, money. Sounds great that for starters! Im not much worse, but i dont have a job at the moment and i dont have my own house. There are more worse then me. People on the streets. I know the drink is depressing you more and more.. Which isnt getting yourself out of the rut. Id cut the drink out apart from socialising with friends, its a bad habit and also an expenisve one too.
vessv6l Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Hey mate Sounds like your in a tough situation. Take the time out for youself to break down and let out the emotional loss that you are feeling. Trying to be strong and keep it contained can just prolong the agony your feeling and not allow you to heal fully. This is the second time that things went bad and your blaming yourself completely by the sounds of it. Reflect on what you did wrong and how it affected your relationship. Im sure she wasnt perfect either and there were things she did wrong. If you feel them start to grow distant i used to do the same as you, start to prepare myself for a loss. I think that just perpetuates the situation and if you feel that, talking to them about what they are feeling is a better solution. Lay down and let out everything you need to. Then pick yourself up and start collecting the pieces of your life and rebuilding it. Wont be easy, wont be quick but you will get through it if you want to. You will be a stronger person if you want to be. Wether or not there is a chance of things in future with this girl there are things you need to learn about yourself and this is the time to do that. You wont want your next relationship to end the same as this has, you wont want to be in this position you are in now, learn from your mistakes so you can try to avoid it in future. Good luck mate
Author DudeMan27 Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Does anyone feel like this? its been 5 weeks since the breakup. In the beginning, as hurt as I was, I would still think: "Its only been 2 weeks, the breakups still fresh. She could still be possibly upset or I can still be fresh in her memory" Then it became, "well it was just 3 weeks ago, that hasnt been too long, perhaps shes still at the point where the breakups fresh and shes hanging out with friends trying to get over it. Im still somewhat fresh in her memory" And whether that was the case or not, it still kind of made me feel better. But today I wake up and think, "Wow 5 weeks, thats such a long time. She's been out living her life for 5 weeks and I'm nothing but a distant memory. I have done nothing but think about her, and I improved NOTHING" I look back and think, if only I would have taken my own advice weeks ago, and worked on myself, not fallen in this rut, think of how much better I'd be today. But I have wasted the last 5 weeks. I wanted to be more confident, more fit, and mentally strong by now. I want to start that RIGHT NOW, but then I think, it'll take me another 5 weeks just to get where I should be right now. By then, it'll be 10 weeks since the breakup and I wont be a distant memory, I'll be totally forgotten. Even tho our mutual friend has repeatedly told me shes single and not dating anyone, I find it hard to believe that she hasnt found someone in 5 weeks. even I have kissed a girl my friends gf has been trying to set me up with. But I admit, I dont feel anything for this girl and the kiss was just to temporarily help my ego heal. Im at the point now where I just can't do this anymore, wake up late, feel like crap. Im ready to start doing what I wanted to do since the breakup and work on myself. But now Im SO ANGRY with myself for wasting these last 5 weeks and not doing it sooner. So its basically like Im starting from square 1, 5 weeks in. I hate myself when thinking of where I could be NOW, if I'd just follow my own advise.
monkeymaid Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 you are already 5weeks better!! dont let anyone, not even yourself tell you any different. ...now you are ready to takeon the challenge you laid out without second guessing yourself. ...and if you cant seem to motivate yourself to keep going, think about your break up and if you ever want to relive those moments again. its usually enough to pull you through hold your head up, its been 5 weeks and your still alive. ...thats saying something right there.
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