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I thought I was in love, but now its 2!!! who do i choose

carrierj

By carrierj
in General Relationship Discussion

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carrierj New Member

carrierj

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So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now (i'm 22, he's 23). around november of last year, i began to realize that he is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. we are perfect together. never fight. our one issue is that I am an actress, and he hates that. he doesnt like if i have to kiss someone on stage, or do something he doesnt think makes me look good. this is a huge issue for me, as I have been doing it my whole life, and dont intend to stop. We decided to take a two week break to think things over. during this two week break, I spent a lot of time with one of my best theatre friends. we both liked each other before i met my boyfriend, but never pursued it. It was during this 2 week break that those feelings were rekindled, on both sides. we became closer than ever, and spent a lot of time together. he was extremely respectful of my situation, and said that if I get back with my boyfriend, he will respect that. when it came time for me and my boyfriend to talk, i thought he would have stuck to his origional thoughts. but no, he said all the right things, told me he will deal with it, and support me. trouble is, now I cannot stop thinking about my other friend. It is killing me. I feel like i want to see where it could go, but at the same time, know that my boyfriend is the right person for me. what does this mean. I am lost, and depressed. i dont know what to do. my friend and i agreed to stay platonic while i have a boyfriend, but i cannot stop thinking about him. i feel like the timing is all wrong. that i should have been with my friend for a while, then met and married my boyfriend. i cannot control this feeling of regret and depression. can anyone give me some advice as to ways thati can fix this. my friend is everything that my boyfriend isn't, and vice versa. i still do local theatre with my friend, so its not like i can stop seeing him.

 

i'm lost

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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You say you know your boyfirend is the right one for you.

Well, sorry, but you are obviously mistaken, because if he were, you would not find yourself in this dilemma. if he were so right for you, this second man would not even be able to affect you at all.

 

Your problem lies in wanting the best of both worlds.

This may be ok, if they agree, but I don't think your boyfriend will, somehow.

 

So you have to decide which of these two men will bring you happiness and fulfilment, and which one simply brings you pleasure and enjoyment.

Both states are transitory, but the latter is more superficial than the other.

Dumbledore Established Member

Dumbledore

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I'd pick the one who you think will be better in bed. If you have trouble comparing, then you could always suggest a threesome.

RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Posted
You say you know your boyfirend is the right one for you.

Well, sorry, but you are obviously mistaken, because if he were, you would not find yourself in this dilemma. if he were so right for you, this second man would not even be able to affect you at all.

This is true. You think your BF is the perfect future spouse, but you're obviously not in love with him. If you find yourself having a crush on other people, then you're not that into your BF. You will end up miserable later if yuo marry hi. It sounded suspicious even when you said that around NOvember you realized that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. When you truly want this, you FEEL it with your entire being since day one, you don't realize it two years into the relationship.

 

The other guy is not just a crush. You actually dream of having a relationship with him. I don't know how old you are but you sound young. If I were you, I would break up with the BF and go for the actor, not because I think you'll find true happiness with him, but because your BF apparently doesn't rock your world.

bede86 Member

bede86

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go out with whoever u feel likes u more and would be a better person too u...someones gonna get hurt, but thats life.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, have you had sexual relations with your theatre friend and, if yes, did you have such relations with him during your "break" with your BF?

 

Personally, I think you're going to go with door #3, which is neither of these two young men. The theatre friend is just a wake-up call on your primary R. IMO, resist choosing door #3 for at least another 2-3 years. You'll likely change a lot :)

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