sara82 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Alright! Here is a update to my orginal post that I submitted: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t185007/ He actually got back in contact with me after a month of NC, it was through a text, nothing big and exciting but just small talk, he called me the following day and we had a wonderful hour long talk...basically he wanted to set things straight, he told me the reason he hadn't contacted me in 1 month, was because he had erased my number from his phone and when I hadnt come around to contacting me he said he paniced...and ended up searching for me via myspace and after a while...he ended up finding my number in one of his old phones. Thats when he finally contacted me. We started talking more and more, and I ended up seeing him last night....things happened, we ended up having sex. He was honest with me...made it clear he wanted to take things slow...see where things go naturally, we have all the time in the world...blah, blah, blah. Then he dropped the bomb...he said, "I have huge commitment issues". He pulls away, stops texting, he doesnt like to let people in. I did ask him if he is going to pull away from me again...his answer was simply "no" I know he cant promise me anything, I know I can't predict how he's going to feel, or is he's going to get scared again. All I really know about his past is that he's been cheated on, and screwed over by girls in the past..and I'm sure that's the basis of where his fears are coming from. He comes from a stable family, parents are still happily married, his brothers are in commited relationships, so I know he has been exposed to good examples. My question to all of you is this. Am I just wasting my time in a dead end relationship? Will he ever truely commit if I just give him space to grow..figure out what he wants? (he's 25)
Sonic_chaos Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I believe people can change. I think some men in general have some commitment issues up there, but like cold feet before the weddings etc. some more then others. Some dont like the idea of getting married, some dont like the idea of being in a "relationship" rather then an open one he can come in dip in and butt out and some feel like they are too close if you live together.. You yourself only know how he feels towards you and if you can see him with you in 20 years time as a good husband/mate/partner/lover. I myself had a set thing, not really commitment issues. Get a place together first, marry then childern. Looking back. maybe the place together is the first real building block, but marriage wasnt necessarily next in line. Altho i guess it depends on age,circumstances etc. Yea marriage dawnting.. but it will come later. I also got screwed and messed around by previous ex girlfriends and my last ex spent time with me getting me to open up and vent that with her. Maybe thats something you need to do with him, get it all out in the open, say to him.. "let me in" "drop that defense sheild your holding up" Myself over that time had build that defense sheild up not letting anyone close to me, knowing the real me as thats the reason why she dumped me which obviously i know i was glad to get out of it. That really helped me then at the time and allowed me to really love my last ex the way she wanted me too. but on the other hand being devils advocate, i also think that if he doesnt know what he wants *people that really are in love know, whatever happens i will be with her my whole life* then it could be promises that wont be met. and in x amount of years/months etc will be in the same position maybe worse. Only you can really decide if he is worth it. 25 seems mature enough to know what he wants out of life. Im slightly older and have known since 21 really the sort of person i wanted to spend my life with. or weather you just want to sow the seed of life till later life, then panic and find the wrong person.. I found "the one" and messed up. Im hoping for another crack at the whip soon. But im not holding out for it for a while.
Author sara82 Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Thanks for you reply, it definatly helped alot, but I also believe that you really have to WANT to open up to a person, in order to change, not feel like you have commitment issues. He texted me this afternoon, said he enjoys hanging out with me, but right now he's not looking for a relationship and that we can continue to hang out as friends, but he wants to keep it like that for now. I simply just texted back that Im still looking for someone that wants more than that, and its probably best that we just not talk anymore. I got no response. I honestly have no idea what he's feeling inside but I do feel that if its right...it will happen, don't hurry, nothing good gets away. Time will tell!
Flying Burrito Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 He texted me this afternoon, said he enjoys hanging out with me, but right now he's not looking for a relationship and that we can continue to hang out as friends, but he wants to keep it like that for now. I simply just texted back that Im still looking for someone that wants more than that, and its probably best that we just not talk anymore. I got no response. Well done!
BCCA Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I honestly have no idea what he's feeling inside but I do feel that if its right...it will happen, don't hurry, nothing good gets away. Unfortunately, I think he made it pretty clear what he's feeling inside, its just not what you wanted to hear. He doesnt see the potential for a relationship with you, which sucks, but at least he was honest and didnt give you the 'i just dont know what i want right now' bit. You absolutely did the right thing, and to continue on that, write this guy off for good.
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