seibert253 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 It's not revenge if it's the truth... She already made his life miserable when she abandoned him. Why should she get away scott free. Their actions have consequences. This is one of them. I would tell too... Let the OMW know her husband is a scumbag and your Soon to be ex is a ditz that wants him herself. Trust me RP when if it happens to you maybe you'll understand. Just imagine your husband leaving you for another woman and him doing all this bad stuff to you and then getting away with that. If you know her husband is innocent you wouldnt tell him what his wife was up to??? I would and not for revenge because the truth is gonna come out one way or another. if she didnt cheat it wouldnt be getting exposed to everyone now would it? You cant blame the betrayed spouse, they had no say in the manner, why should they keep those dirty little secrets of cheaters? Truth will set you free. Barracuda is right on, again. It's not about revenge, it's about the truth.
Author NJF Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Thank you for all of the great posts. I still haven't decided what to do. For me to move on emotionally, I have decided to no longer read their emails and chats back and forth. It is clear that being with this guy is the path she wants, and to continue to read the crap they write each other wont change the situation. I still, though, am keeping the already printed material should I need them later. I forgot to mention he has children with youngest appearing to be about 5 years of age. I find it funny that my stbx doesn't have a problem with this guy still living with his wife. If this guy truely loved her and wanted to be with her, then why sneak around on his wife? He should just leave. The hardest part about all of this is that my brain and heart are at odd with one another. I know I need to walk away without looking back, but my heart somehow wonders if I am making a mistake. Just as she is living in a fantasy world, maybe I am too.
65tr6 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Just as she is living in a fantasy world, maybe I am too. Nope. You are in shock. Huge difference between the two.
mark982 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 thank you chrome, i couldn't of said it better! until someones stood in our shoes,when some walk away wife starts spewing her crap rewriting marital history they wouldn't understand. to hell with rebuilding self confidence, i'm taking you down.plain and simple
RecordProducer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Trust me RP when if it happens to you maybe you'll understand. Just imagine your husband leaving you for another woman and him doing all this bad stuff to you and then getting away with that. If you know her husband is innocent you wouldnt tell him what his wife was up to??? Chrome, I'd chew his head off, but I am not a good example of a well-balanced, emotionally stable persona! People should watch my (re)actions and - make sure they DO NOT do what I do.
Reggie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I am not sure how disclosing would affect his self esteem. But, he would be doing the guy's wife a favor and his wife should have to deal with the fallout. If she has no consequences, she may well do this agin and hurt someone else.
Darth Vader Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I wonder how long this chic has been riding this OM and been putting her husband's health at risk! Annul the marriage, or do the Divorce thing, also send the E-Mails straight to his wife! Make sure you protect your assets, like your house, cars, bank accounts too, hey, why should you pay for her having SEX with the OM? Think about it MAN! Do this before she gets knocked up by the OM, then the courts may try to pin the OM's baby on you! Oh, and get tested for STD's too.
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 It's not revenge if it's the truth... What? LOL...explain the logic to this statement please.. She already made his life miserable when she abandoned him. Why should she get away scott free. oh,I get it..you want him to be this vindictive, pathetic man without pride nor dignity...were you like that CHROME? Trust me RP when if it happens to you maybe you'll understand. Just imagine your husband leaving you for another woman and him doing all this bad stuff to you and then getting away with that. If you know her husband is innocent you wouldnt tell him what his wife was up to??? I am not RP...but my H cheated on me, many times over. I never lost my dignity, never begged him to stop, never had any desire to confront the OWs, never wished them harm either. Truth will set you free.OP knows the truth---he should free himself from the bad situation he is in. You are missing the point, OP is not interested in "setting the OM's wife free from the lies"...this is what he said..in case you missed it: "Nobody deserves to be cheated on and I wouldn't be sending it to her for that reason. I want him to suffer as I am". He wants to inflict pain to the OM. He does NOT care about the OM's wife. You are encouraging him to cater to some basic tendency to lash out, like an animal. He can be a better person than that....walk away with his pride intact.
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 my H cheated on me, many times over. I never lost my dignity, never begged him to stop, never had any desire to confront the OWs, never wished them harm either. I have a feeling that you cheated on your husband too. OP knows the truth---he should free himself from the bad situation he is in. I agree.
Lizzie60 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 She asked if I really thought she would throw away this relationship for another person. Typical.... they usually say something like that.. If I were you.. I wouldn't do anything.. except move on..
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I have a feeling that you cheated on your husband too. Feeling? No need to "feel" --you say that as if you caught me on something:p---I have "outed' myself as an OW on my very first post here. My H cheated for years ( I was 19, when his first affair was discovered-there were subsequent affairs)...I was 32 when I became an OW---I am now 36, and no longer an OW.
Athena Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 my H cheated on me, many times over. I never lost my dignity, never begged him to stop, never had any desire to confront the OWs, never wished them harm either. Yes, my H also cheated on me, many times over. I too, didn't beg him to stop -- I simply said he could sleep with whomever he wanted, but to please let me know so I could do the same, or divorce him, I too didn't confront the OW even though I could have, never wished them 'harm' either -- I just wished for them to be betrayed in their future when they loved a man -- for their man to sleep with an OW! However, I absolutely do not see anything wrong with NJF telling the OM's wife! NJF has no 'bond' to OM. NJF has just been through hell trying to find out the truth, now he has it, and he can share it with another person in his exact position! I think it has something to do with the saying, "All that is needed in this world for evil to triumph, is for a good man to stand by and DO NOTHING" {Still love ya Desertmoon! }
Reggie Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 DM, you should have given your H a shot to the jowls, IMO. Dignity is overrated(2 r's?). Not many go the Mahatma route( Okay, he had dignity. Maybe next incarnation for me.)
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Yes, my H also cheated on me, many times over. I too, didn't beg him to stop -- I simply said he could sleep with whomever he wanted, but to please let me know so I could do the same, or divorce him, I too didn't confront the OW even though I could have, never wished them 'harm' either -- I just wished for them to be betrayed in their future when they loved a man -- for their man to sleep with an OW! However, I absolutely do not see anything wrong with NJF telling the OM's wife! NJF has no 'bond' to OM. NJF has just been through hell trying to find out the truth, now he has it, and he can share it with another person in his exact position! I think it has something to do with the saying, "All that is needed in this world for evil to triumph, is for a good man to stand by and DO NOTHING" {Still love ya Desertmoon! } LOL! wuvya2, athena! But why does one have to be evil for evil to be vanquished?
Athena Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 LOL! wuvya2, athena! Aww... thx... But why does one have to be evil for evil to be vanquished? Because it's just as bad to stand by and let evil win, if you could step in and change it... so... even though it may feel like it is an 'evil act' to counteract it, it's not -- its the right thing to do... it stops the evil.
Reggie Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Yes, evil is not good. And, as the Faber college motto says "Knowledge is good.":bunny:
Reggie Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Churchill , Athena? Nope, Edmund Burke. Had to google it.
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 DM, you should have given your H a shot to the jowls, IMO. Dignity is overrated(2 r's?). Not many go the Mahatma route( Okay, he had dignity. Maybe next incarnation for me.) You'd be Tiger Woods in your next life... A shot to the jowls? no, why destroy a work of art? HAHA!!!!!!
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Feeling? No need to "feel" --you say that as if you caught me on something:p---I have "outed' myself as an OW on my very first post here. My H cheated for years ( I was 19, when his first affair was discovered-there were subsequent affairs)...I was 32 when I became an OW---I am now 36, and no longer an OW.No, I said that as I felt that "dignity" meant revenge, in some form. I (almost) never moralize on this forum. I am European.
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 No, I said that as I felt that "dignity" meant revenge, in some form. How so? Please explain. I (almost) never moralize on this forum. I am European. European...hmm.. doesn't mean anything to me...I am American-born, with very strong Japanese values. I lived in Europe for a few years. I rarely moralize here either...
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 What? LOL...explain the logic to this statement please.. oh,I get it..you want him to be this vindictive, pathetic man without pride nor dignity...were you like that CHROME? It's not about being vindictive, how could it be if it's the truth. Ex: hey chrome what happened? why the divorce? Chrome: Well jim I caught her giving robert hed in the backseat, and she cried and said she loved him so I kicked her out and told jim's wife. From what I heard it wasnt the first time jim F-ed someone's else's wife! See how could it be vindictive. I'm not keeping secrets for anyone! I told everyone what my ex did to me. Especially if they ask, Cheaters lie! they will convince everyone they are the victim and the betrayed is the crazy one. and that's fact.Better to let people know the truth of the matter before the WS rewrites the history to make you look like a bad guy when your the betrayed. it sucks but it does happen. I am not RP...but my H cheated on me, many times over. I never lost my dignity, never begged him to stop, never had any desire to confront the OWs, never wished them harm either. Hmmm really so how did that work out for you, knowing he was out shagging some other female while you just sat in silence and accepted it? Not so nice to accept something your spouse is doing right in your face! I have enough self respect to never let anyone trespass against me. If you had an ounce of courage and conviction maybe things could have been different. You never had the DESIRE. That's where ME and YOU is different. You just layed there and took it. I could never allow that to happen to me. I dont care who it is. When I found out my ex cheated I literally ripped her a new one in front of everyone in the mall. and I didnt care who said what. Because it was the truth. You lay there and settle into a quiet acceptance of the stat quo. I will never compromise....never. OP knows the truth---he should free himself from the bad situation he is in. You are missing the point, OP is not interested in "setting the OM's wife free from the lies"...this is what he said..in case you missed it: "Nobody deserves to be cheated on and I wouldn't be sending it to her for that reason. I want him to suffer as I am". He wants to inflict pain to the OM. He does NOT care about the OM's wife. You are encouraging him to cater to some basic tendency to lash out, like an animal. He can be a better person than that....walk away with his pride intact. Inflict pain on the OM, why are you defending a person who clearly has violated this man's marriage!??? WTF whatever happens to the OM he clearly deserves it!!!
Reggie Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Chrome, you have my admiration(for what it is worth).
desertmoon Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 LOL..Love the bolded rant! Sorry you are so angry. Hmmm really so how did that work out for you, knowing he was out shagging some other female while you just sat in silence and accepted it?[/quote ] How did it work out for me? It worked out fine. He is not the source of my joy. I am not bitter, I am not unhappy and I am very successful-financially. My emotional and financial stability is not dependent upon him. Not so nice to accept something your spouse is doing right in your face!I am indifferent to it..<shrug> I have enough self respect to never let anyone trespass against me.Well, good for you. f you had an ounce of courage and conviction maybe things could have been different. You never had the DESIRE. That's where ME and YOU is different. You just layed there and took it. I could never allow that to happen to me. I dont care who it is. When I found out my ex cheated I literally ripped her a new one in front of everyone in the mall. and I didnt care who said what. Because it was the truth. You lay there and settle into a quiet acceptance of the stat quo. I will never compromise....never.Thanks. Inflict pain on the OM, why are you defending a person who clearly has violated this man's marriage!??? WTF whatever happens to the OM he clearly deserves it!!!I am only saying to the BS...move on, let your wife go----do not go down the route of being a bitter, vindictive, evil person.... Jesus H. Christ! you are really angry about this---check out the exclamation marks! not to worry, Chrome, I would NEVER want to be like you....I do not even think that we would be in the same company of people in the real world.
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