Hurting. Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 So, anyway, I'm 19, girl involved is 18, we study together. I have been into her a while and recently can't stop thinking about her and we are talking, texting, talking online all the time! Anyway, yesterday, i have the courage to ask her out, thought why not. The first words in reply are... "I do realllllyyy like you, but..." She explained that she has personal problems and they need to be sorted before she can have a relationship and she is gutted about this. She said when things are sorted it can work but has no idea how long that is away and what the situation will be then . I just don't know what to do guys, I've told her i respect her answer and understand fully. But how do i act around her? Do i keep going after what could end up breaking me? I actually am falling so hard for her and i have no idea how to act around her. I tried to joke around after she answered with her, but it didn't feel the same. ?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 She gave you a line, basically. I can bet you any amount of money that I have that if a guy came along that she was hot for, those 'problems' would vanish in an instant. They always do. She is more or less trying to let you down without looking like a bitch in the process.
Mahatma Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Above poster is absolutely correct. She is just trying to do her best. If she really felt like she liked you, those supposed problems wouldn't really be problems. Take it politely and move on.
Author Hurting. Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Cheers for replies. It really looks like that .. but :/ ... today.. i have 2 texts and a missed call from her ? She says "i really loveeee you" I don't get her, what the **** man . If she loved me she would of said yes? i don't get what girls think :/
vince1128 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Your in the friendzone, shes not going to change her mind. What shes doing is leading you on a little bit because her ego, she likes the attention u give her but you will never be more then friends. Don't sit there and say to yourself, this girl is different blah blah blah. Ive been through this before most ppl have try and move on and find someone interested. Not trying to be a dick, just being honest so you don't become to emotionally invested
reservoirdog1 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 You need to date other women, and assume that nothing's going to happen with this one. Firstly, that way you'll be pleasantly surprised if it actually does. Secondly, if you don't make a secret about it, and she finds out (though you don't have to rub it in her face), it could start her thinking, and get her off the fence (if she's actually on it, which is a bit of a question -- it could be that she's already got you in the friendzone and is trying to let you down easy).
Author Hurting. Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 How do i act around her now? She has sent me texts today saying i love you and stuff, but still sticking to her decision to not start a relationship with me. I go onto my Instant messenger and she starts talking about random things, and when i wasn't displaying much interest she started moaning saying im being boring and not making any coversation ?? My question is, how do i act around her? do i reply to these flirty texts shes continuing to send to me? do i keep talking to her online? what about when i see her next? act as if i did before? really friendly? Is it really ignorant of me to start ignoring her and not give her the loving attention i feel i have been giving her?? help me out EDIT: when i did ask her out she totally convinced me she does have feelings for me. I do actually believe her.
fishtaco Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Heh, mixed signals. Even if you don't want to play the mixed signals game yourself, you should at least learn to recognize it and know how to deal with it. She wants you to be her substitute boyfriend. Be there for her, give her your attention, keep her happy, do all the boyfriend duties except you'll receive no boyfriend rewards, neither emotionally nor physically. Just treat her like a friend and hit on other women. If she's taking too much of your time, cut back. You don't always have to be there for her; you're not her boyfriend. Being nice to her and giving in to every request she asks of you will NEVER upgrade your status to romantic interest. It's counter intuitive, but your best chance right now is to keep her at arm's length and go hit up on other chicks. Once she feels like she's no longer the priority, AND other women are showing interest in you, then she may change her mind. But of course the trick is to do all this politely, she is still afterall, your friend. So don't treat her badly, but you have to do what you have to do.
Author Hurting. Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 You're right. cutting back is exactly what i need to do, it seems as if you may be right, and me texting her.. talking to her is making her happy enough. She's told me to be online tonight for when she gets home for today but ill just not sign in for her. Show her im not going to do all these little petty things and see what happens. Its killing me however
fishtaco Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 You're right. cutting back is exactly what i need to do, it seems as if you may be right, and me texting her.. talking to her is making her happy enough. She's told me to be online tonight for when she gets home for today but ill just not sign in for her. Show her im not going to do all these little petty things and see what happens. Its killing me however Make sure you don't completely cut her off. She is still your friend, just not someone you'll end up dating. So modify your behavior and the time spend on her accordingly. If she were a guy friend what would you? And treat her the same way. It'll stop killing you as soon as you find the next girl that catches your interest. So go out there and flirt with a bunch of girls. Should be easy since you're still in school.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 But how do i act around her? you don't have to "act" around her cause you won't be seeing her or talking to her or texting or emailing her. move on man!
Cherished Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I agree with Alphamale's plan. I think she isn't interested in you but sends texts & keeps communicating with you to give herself an ego boost that a guy is interested in her, or also just so she has someone to hang out with because she is lonely.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Cut back on the frequency for sure. But when you do talk to her, be upbeat and cheerful. If you still want a shot with her, being pouty and sullen won't help -- those things are unattractive. Being upbeat and happy, jazzed about life (and about new girls you're dating) is attractive. And it makes you a desirable commodity. Not just to her, but to other women. Assume you're not going to get anywhere with her; that way you won't feel pressure to put on an act for her.
BCCA Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 you don't have to "act" around her cause you won't be seeing her or talking to her or texting or emailing her. move on man! ^THIS^ Furthermore, why is it that people these days have absolutely no balls? Does anyone just say 'no, I'm not interested' anymore, or is it always some cryptic crap that means the same thing without sounding as 'bad'? Stuff like that makes me not want to even be someone's friend, like they didnt even have the decency to be honest.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Does anyone just say 'no, I'm not interested' anymore, some do, but its a small minority...like 10% maybe
BCCA Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 some do, but its a small minority...like 10% maybe In my entire life, I've never had a single person say that to me, but I've heard plenty of 'I just got out of a relationship/my dog is sick/my family...'. Dont people realize how obvious it is that that's a lie? Its almost insulting.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Being a girl's 'cuddle buddy' can be confusing when the guy has feelings and the girl doesn't. They will kiss on you, hug you, cuddle with you, want to hang out with you, etc - some even have sex or make out with their cuddle buddies. They like the attention, and it keeps them occupied until a man they want to date comes along. Then, its 'bye bye cuddle buddy'. In this case, you can't watch actions or listen to words - you have to be able to see underneath them, which isn't always easy. When things seem to be going your way, it is damn near impossible to convince yourself that there is nothing to it.
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