FabulousLadee Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Hey Everybody!! I'm a newbie and I'm soooo relieved to find you all. It's good to see that with hard work and dedication..an LDR might really work. I just VERY recently met someone very special 10 days ago off of an online dating site. I had been a member of the site for almost 6 months and conversated with a few different people but nothing had that "spark". You all know what I'm talking about..lol..that "umf"!! I basically had given up and was going to cancel my membership. The first night that we met..we chatted for almost 2 hours then decided to just call each other and ended up talking for almost 3 more hours until we both had to get up in the morning...lol Ever since then we text and have extensive phone conversations every day and already officially planned our first in person meeting for May 2nd. We will be meeting each other half way between our cities which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive for each of us. I am sooooo excited but very nervous at the same time. We've sent each other dozens of pictures by phone and email. Okay...my issues are this...First, Do you think we are moving too fast already? The good thing is that pictures can only do so much but when you see someone in person..it's very different. We both kind of just want to get that out of the way..even if after this meeting..we might not be able to see each other again for awhile. What do you think..too fast? Second, He is currently in law school right now and most of his time is spent studying which is understandable BUT contrary to what he says he feels that he can deal with an LDR...Im very scared about it. I am well off into my career so my life is pretty steady right now. I'm just afraid that he might not be able to juggle it. And Thirdly, I let him know how scared I was about the meeting because I'm so hard on myself physically sometimes. I've sent him the most HONEST pictures I could send...I just am stressing over it so much as time gets closer. Is this normal to happen before the first meeting? Okay..there you have it...I hope to get some good advice from you all. You seem soooo experienced in this department!!! Oh and NICE TO MEET YOU!!
jih Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Hallo. Having a first meeting after ten days doesn't seem, to me, to be moving too fast. There are no hard and fast rules for how quickly to move forward in such a situation, if you are both happy with the pace things are moving at then carry on. I would advise caution in your expectations after such a short time though, maybe spend the time apart after your meeting to really think about what you can reasonably expect in the short term and look at the longer term as full of endless possibility, rather than building expectations of anything specific, after such a short time knowing each other you would be a very lucky person for there to be enough there for that, give it time and that point will or won't arrive. Just enjoy what you have now. Very nice to meet you too!
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Thanks so much!! I really appreciate that. And you're so right...I am just going to try to focus on just having a good time when we meet instead of "great" expectations. I'm going to look at is as a nice very short getaway from home and I'm just so happening to meet a friend to have a good time with. And just so you know...to other replys too..I'm 30 and He is 28.
jih Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I sincerely hope things work out for you. If my rambling advice helped at all, you are more than welcome.
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Hey Everybody!! I'm a newbie and I'm soooo relieved to find you all. Hello to YOU and welcome to the Loveshack. It's good to see that with hard work and dedication..an LDR might really work. I just VERY recently met someone very special 10 days ago off of an online dating site. I had been a member of the site for almost 6 months and conversated with a few different people but nothing had that "spark". You all know what I'm talking about..lol..that "umf"!! I basically had given up and was going to cancel my membership. The first night that we met..we chatted for almost 2 hours then decided to just call each other and ended up talking for almost 3 more hours until we both had to get up in the morning...lol Congratulations! Yes, love happens when you least expect it. Ever since then we text and have extensive phone conversations every day and already officially planned our first in person meeting for May 2nd. As it is in all relationships communication is THE most important thing. In an LDR it is even more important to share how you are feeling and really be open end honest about things in your life and the relationship. We will be meeting each other half way between our cities which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive for each of us. I am sooooo excited but very nervous at the same time. We've sent each other dozens of pictures by phone and email. It sounds like you are well on your way. Okay...my issues are this...First, Do you think we are moving too fast already? The good thing is that pictures can only do so much but when you see someone in person..it's very different. We both kind of just want to get that out of the way..even if after this meeting..we might not be able to see each other again for awhile. What do you think..too fast? No. In these types of LDRs, where you meet online, it is better to meet as soon as you can. There have been many cases where all goes swimmingly over the phone etc but the mysterious "connection" isn't there in person. The chemistry. So I think the sooner the better to just get that question out of the way without too much of an emotional investment. Second, He is currently in law school right now and most of his time is spent studying which is understandable BUT contrary to what he says he feels that he can deal with an LDR...Im very scared about it. I am well off into my career so my life is pretty steady right now. I'm just afraid that he might not be able to juggle it. You are making a common relationship mistake. Do not make assumptions for your partner. Let him worry about what he can and can't do. He knows himself and his schedule better than you do. And he knows what he is capable of. I am not saying there will not be times when he might have a bit more on his plate and you may feel like you want a bit more of his time and attention. There probably will be. But that happens in relationships all the time whether they are in person or LD. The key is communication -- on both sides. If you are feeling insecure because of lack of attention then you need to get to the point where you can feel comfortable communicating that so he can allay your fears. The more secure you are in the relationship the less shaken you will be during those times where he may be spread a bit more thin. And Thirdly, I let him know how scared I was about the meeting because I'm so hard on myself physically sometimes. I've sent him the most HONEST pictures I could send...I just am stressing over it so much as time gets closer. Is this normal to happen before the first meeting? OF COURSE. I know what you are going through. Even though my husband and I met in person and had some time together before going LD we had 3 years that we didn't see each other before I flew there and we got married. I had gained about 30 pounds. SO I was so freaked out about that. He didn't even see it. He didn't care about it. You have sent him pictures of what you look like and he liked them. He was obviously attracted to that person. So just try to relax as much as you can. You are who you are and you look like what you look like. He may be just as worried but not saying it. When I got off th eplane and walked up to my husband -- I was worried about what I looked like and he pulled the hat off his head and said sheepishly "I'm bald now". I guess his hairline was receding those 3 years as well and he now shaves his head. So he was JUST as worried about how he'd look to me! Okay..there you have it...I hope to get some good advice from you all. You seem soooo experienced in this department!!! Oh and NICE TO MEET YOU!! Hope I have helped and it is NICE TO MEET YOU TOO!
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 That was great!! Thank you! But you know what...that fast..I didn't mention that....ALREADY.... I feel some kind of decrease in our communication..and maybe this is another case of anxiety. He is in his 4th tier for this term and it just so happens that he has final exams...I think Thursday and Friday..so he has been studying out the ying yang. Every morning since we met...10 days ago...I always have gotten that good ol' "Good Morning Beautiful" or "Hey Baby" first text message everyday. In the past couple of days...that hasn't happened including today. I have actually been the one to contact him first every morning in the past two days. Today..I'm still waiting and it's almost 11:00am where he is...I would usually have recieved some kind of message or call by now. I'm going to continue to wait until he contacts me. The pattern is already changing. Our conversations in the past 2 days have been a bit short..I don't know maybe I'm just tripping. But it all seemed to slow down ever since I voiced my insecurities about meeting him and the physical aspect of being nervous. I think it made me look a little bit less confident than he thought I was and maybe it was a bit of a turn-off. I also even said that I was going to cancel our meeting because I was afraid that if things went any further...he wouldn't be able to handle an LDR because of law school...despite his on faith in knowing he could. I told him I thought that maybe we should slow down and talk less until we get closer to May 2nd so we don't become more connected than we already are and it won't be such a big deal. I reaaaaaally went "chicken" on him. We ended up talking about it and he calmed my nerves. I knew that is was just that fear kicking in and I really didn't want to not let fear get in the way of a great possibility. That was 2 days ago...so ever since then...our communication has decreased. Even though, I thought that we could bounce back from that first little kink...we haven't. I think he is falling back a bit anyway or is it just finals taking over?! I don't know. I almost think that I lost his interest a little bit, already. Am I tripping?
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 I sincerely hope things work out for you. If my rambling advice helped at all, you are more than welcome. Oh..you are fine!! I loooove long explanations! Thanks so much!
jih Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Maybe, out of consideration for what you said, he is slowing things down a bit. Probably no need to panic, talk to him and find out, before you stress yourself out completely, communicate.
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Okay -- whew BREATHE. Yes, you are trippin'. Yes, you do have a reason but you kind of gave him a couple of reasons. So just slow down. Wait for him to contact you. HE WILL. And then you will have some much needed reassurance too. So you'll kill two birds with one stone. If he has finals -- and 4th term on top of it -- then he is handling a huge amount of stress right now. So just roll with it. When he does call - just go along with the phone call when it happens. Don't mention the fears about how you are going to look. He knows what you look like -- he's fine with it. Don't freak out about something that is a problem in your own head. You can very easily make that an issue for him as well -- and it does not need to be. relax relax relax
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Okay...i'm trying to breathe.....whew!!! LOL I'll take it easy breezy. We're actually texting right now...lol I texted him first though cause it was just wrecking my brain but it's seems okay so far. I don't know. Time will tell all and I'm going to just fall back and relax.
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Okay...i'm trying to breathe.....whew!!! LOL I'll take it easy breezy. We're actually texting right now...lol I texted him first though cause it was just wrecking my brain but it's seems okay so far. I don't know. Time will tell all and I'm going to just fall back and relax. Okay so don't make the first move next time. You need some reassurance and you'd be surprised how much relief you'll get just by that little thing. Well, okay, you know how much of a blow it was when he didn't -- it'll be that much more of boost when he does. SO LET HIM. You are getting way too anxious and stressing yourself out too easily. You need to relax. If you don't I'm afraid it looks like you are the one who won't be able to handle the distance and his schooling. And I do not mean that as a jab or anything. I just want you to know that LDRs can have problematic communication at times - and sometimes situations happen and our minds can run away with us -- you have been involved for 10 days. You have to be able to be okay with these things when you are WAAAAY more invested emotionally, physically, and mentally. So again...just breathe. Glad you are texting and things are fine now. I G P.S. YOU STOLE MY FLOWERS!
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 You are sooooo right, IslandGirl!! I might have to re-evaluate mySELF. But like you said, I'm going to relax. I promise..lol!! And as far as the flowers....I mean...what can we say...Fabulous people think alike!!
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 And as far as the flowers....I mean...what can we say...Fabulous people think alike!! Yes, they do!
Lovin a scrapper Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 You are sooooo right, IslandGirl!! I might have to re-evaluate mySELF. But like you said, I'm going to relax. I promise..lol!! Personally I love your enthusiasm. It will be of great help as this relationship progresses and Ill bet that rubs off on him. Island Girl is one of the best people on here to talk to on LDR's cause of her unselfishness and willingness to help others as she goes through hers and one of the most important things that she suggested to you is to keep communication at a premium. It is the biggest key to working at these and the more that you do, the easier it becomes. By the way, Im jealous that you are as close in proximity as you are. My beautiful baby is 1700 miles away. Small potatoes to some but very large to me. lol I wish you the best.
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 Thanks sooo much for that. I really appreciate that. My babe is actually about 9 hours away in law school but his home city is 5 hours away. He will be going home the weekend of May 1st so that's why we decided to meet then because it's a bit closer. If he lived in his home city..we probably would have tried to meet even earlier than we already are..lol UPDATE ON MY ISSUES: I took a day without calling him or texting him and he ended up calling me that night. Before I could even say anything, he asked me if I was feeling some kind of way because he hadn't heard from me. He preceded to tell me not to think for him...*EXACTLY WHAT ISLANDGIRL SAID*...He doesn't want me to assume that I'm bombarding him, distracting him, or hounding him. He WANTS to hear from me. He doesn't want me to fall back at all. If I begin to distract him or become a little overbearing, he said that he will most definitely let me know...I won't have to guess. He said that I can call him or text him anytime that I want even if it's not for anything. I felt really good about that. It reassured me that we were on the same page without me even saying anything. I will keep you all posted as this progresses. I will definitely let you all know how the visit went. Thanks for welcoming me to the LDR forum family!!!
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 He doesn't want me to assume that I'm bombarding him, distracting him, or hounding him. He WANTS to hear from me. He doesn't want me to fall back at all. If I begin to distract him or become a little overbearing, he said that he will most definitely let me know...I won't have to guess. He said that I can call him or text him anytime that I want even if it's not for anything. YAY!! So you got to hear some much needed gushy stuff and all without ANY prompting from you. That was all straight of the top of his head. A good idea is to write those special conversations, the ones that just make you fly, in detail in a little notebook. So when you are feeling a little insecure (it can happen out of no where) then you have some of his words to reassure you. I felt really good about that. It reassured me that we were on the same page without me even saying anything. I will keep you all posted as this progresses. I will definitely let you all know how the visit went. Thanks for welcoming me to the LDR forum family!!! I am so glad you got the reassurances you needed. May 1st is coming! It will be here soon! And yes, you simply must update us after. I am so happy you feel better. AHHH LOVE!!! :love:
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