searcher Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Entityzero the grass may or maynot be greener for your ex but I would stake my life on the fact that you will find greener grass. I'm sorry to say but your ex sounds like a waste of space. Sounds like you could date a monkey and you would still be better off. The sooner you get over her the better.
TheBigCow Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 @BW I don't mean to be a downer about the progress your making, I want to get to the same point as you but I can't help but feel its all so false. I mean yeah my Ex has been really horrible to me.. but deep down I really really do want her love back, maybe a relationship couldn't work, but I really do care how she feels and whats going on with her. Ugg my Ex is being real harsh at the moment, she's flaunting her new boyfriend ect to my and her friends and although thats kind of innocent, she knows very well how hard I'm taking this all. Why does that not mean I can stop loving her!!
entityzero Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Hows everyone doing?? Ive had a rough couple of days, some terrible dreams, and yesterday one of my mates girlfriends asked if my ex's boobs were real coz she thought it was weird for a small girl to have such big boobs and it made me so depressed, i miss her so much and letting her go physically is very very hard for me, and that just made me realize that i'll probably never find a girl as hot as my ex. Im on anti-depressants now, so hopefully after a couple of weeks they'll start to work and i can get some relief from this constant lonely hurt. Let me know how you're going guys we've gotta look out for each other.
EmperorR Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I'm very sorry to hear that EmperorR, that must have been crushing Why do you guys think this is so common. Something seriously screwed up must be going on in your head to make you treat someone who cares that much for you so badly. I really wish I could believe that these girls will have crap superficial relationships with these new guys but really its entirely possible that they'll be happier.. I guess its selfish but I think thats something that burns really badly. Next month the 21st would have been the wedding day, trust me I was a wreck like everyone here, I did it all begged, pleaded, wrote letters, emails, sent flowers yep she cheated on me and i was doing all of this, saying I forgave her, pondered suicide, lost like 30 pounds and I was already skinny, would google second chanches and read everything, all those to get your ex back books etc., went No contact after seh started having "butterflies" for a new guy she just met to try and get her back her to miss me, she only contacted me once a text message on what would be 3 years, I checked her facebook she was dating someone new (2 weeks after this), I haven't heard from her since been almost 8 months now, treated my ex fiance like a queen and she threw it all away screwing some guy she just met 3 friggin times. I got it all disrespected her telling me the positions how good it felt, her showing me pictures of her and the guy, him texting her etc., I've literally been spit on walked over, how I didn't get angry etc. at her I don't know it didn't come till months later, I was angry for months, I swear I was praying for my ex downfall every sincle day, waiting for karma to bite her in teh ass. But then one day I just got sick of it and i'm like screw tihs, let the anger go and I felt so much better. To me it just seems these certain types of cheating scum, it doesn't matter what you did its a flaw in them, I gurantee you this won't be the last time any of these people open up their legs to another man when there in a relationship with someone else.
EmperorR Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I have to agree with you about the thoughts you have had about the ex being better off with the other person, happier, better in bed etc...etc... These thoughts are just killers and can make you feel very bad. They seem like a charitable thought somehow but essentially they come out as your ego committing suicide or actually more accurately, an ego getting killed by friendly fire. I am glad you brought this up, because I thought this was a unique problem I was having. I can identify my shortcomings in the relationship and maybe if my self esteem was better off the relationship may not have hit the rocks. I have exactly that thought, maybe she is better off. But on the flipside, maybe I am better off too but just alone now. I have to admit I am building up a layer of not giving a rip about her BS anymore, or what she does, and I have really begun to start to reject her a bit more because she seemingly DOES NOT CARE. I have decided that I do not enjoy getting emotionally beaten up by her anymore. The thoughts about what she is up to are bad for us. Screw her, and also remember this important advice.....screw her. I am on your side not hers. The crappy thing about my situation, my ex fiance got with a guy whose exactly like her a nerd into math, and they liked all the same crap, thats the sh*t that hurts the most, how the hell does she find someone exactly like her friggin 2 weeks after she leaves me, its like a double edge sword through your heart, anyways I oculd care less now. SCREW HER I agree
Author BW007 Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 What I am realizing is that I have let the rest of my life fall apart badly in my pain and it has made everything worse. At some point, the real work I have to do is on me and not on some doomed out of balance relationship that pushed me over some abyss into a clinical depression. I think the way this relationship went bad helped destroy my already tentative self esteem. She ain't all that if she could do all this crap and that hurts, but as I said, screw her if that is who she really is. I ain't going to romanticize all the good stuff about her anymore.
TheBigCow Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 BW I have also let everything else in my life fall apart badly. There are days I wake up and say "How is this helping you, get out there and be your own person!" but I always come back to thinking about my ex and realizing that I really pinned all my hopes and dreams on her.. its hard to get through the day when your usual motivation for moving on is gone. Hearing everyone who is going through the exactly same thing in this thread is a little distressing actually... how can so many girls be like this.
sjml251 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I know this is like boys club thread going on here but just so you guys know - its not just girls who do this kind of stuff....I just had the same thing happen to me a few months ago concerning my ex - he dumped me for someone else after years of being together. Doesn't seem to care at all, miss me, etc. Happliy moved on minutes after dumping me to be with the new girl. Upon my packing to move out of what had been our home for almost 5 years, I found pictures of them together, condoms, flight reservations for them to go and meet his parents, and our cell phone bill which had over 1,000 texts between them over the course of 1 month (the month he dumped me, and yes - the incessent texting was going on before he dumped me, as was the relationship with this other person....jerk)! I just thought I should speak up for those of us women out here who are awesome, caring, and have emotional depth and let you know its not a female or male thing - its a people thing - deep people don't do cheap things & when shallow people do cheap things to deep people, we hurt....don't give up on women - there are plenty of amazing women out there just waiting to meet you guys!
TheBigCow Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I am glad you posted sjml Sorry to make it seems like a boys club, I guess we're just all going through the same thing by co-incident, I feel for you as well, that must have been horrible! I believe there are women out there that are like you describe (I'm guessing your one of them ), the really scary part is that we all thought our girlfriends were that as well, turns out no so much.
Author BW007 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 Yeah sjml251, sorry about the male bias of this thread. It just happened naturally because all these different guys had crappy girlfriends on this thread and we are all wallowing in a similar self doubt spiral and wishing our women would cut the crap and we could make it all better. You are absolutely right that it is a people thing and not a boy or girl friend thing. Man I am just sick of thinking about her anymore. Bored even of feeling sad and depressed. Disgusted with her deciding against me, not choosing me above all others. I don't like the new reality and I miss the old one BUT I found out the old reality and she was NOT what I thought. Is it weird that I am bored and just plain unimpressed at this point? Is that another milemarker? Boredom isnt quite the right description but I am sure ready to get past this craptacular time.
TheBigCow Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I heard someone refer to it as the exhaustion stage.. I don't know really know what that really means though.
Author BW007 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 Yeah I guess I have exhausted all my positive feelings maybe. And it is exhausting feeling crappy. I am getting closer to done I hope. I am sick of her but I cannot say I am really indifferent yet, but I am getting there. Certain things come up and I will miss her tremendously but mostly I am just sick of her crapiness . Exhausted emotion.
TheBigCow Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Alright guys I need some convincing. Convince me that moving on is possible. If I 'move on' what am I really doing? Forgetting my ex? Removing the love I have for my ex? Clearly this is something our exes have managed to do already, but I don't understand how either of these are possible. This being my first serious relationship I've never experienced love fading/dying and from what I've been reading it seems like alot of people don't go through that, they just suppress it and put out of mind. But I don't want to live a life where I'm lying to myself about my true feelings. I do want to feel better but at the same time I don't want to just let these feelings die because mistake or not they are a huge part of who I am. Again obviously this is something my ex decided to do instead of working on our relationship and It really confuses me.
EmperorR Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Alright guys I need some convincing. Convince me that moving on is possible. If I 'move on' what am I really doing? Forgetting my ex? Removing the love I have for my ex? Clearly this is something our exes have managed to do already, but I don't understand how either of these are possible. This being my first serious relationship I've never experienced love fading/dying and from what I've been reading it seems like alot of people don't go through that, they just suppress it and put out of mind. But I don't want to live a life where I'm lying to myself about my true feelings. I do want to feel better but at the same time I don't want to just let these feelings die because mistake or not they are a huge part of who I am. Again obviously this is something my ex decided to do instead of working on our relationship and It really confuses me. Moving on = letting go of the anger, forgiving but not forgetting reaching the point of indifference.
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