CandyGirlXO Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I hate to admit this but I am one of those women who for as long as I can remember have ALWAYS wanted to get married. I am 26, and still never married. I have had my fair share of long term relationships. My concern is, because I hear it a lot. Marriage is not all that its cracked up to be. Is it? Also, people who say they will never marry again, why not?
boldjack Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Marriage to me is the formalization of the human urge to mate. We have evolved this cultural phenomena, to recognize parentage and to establish exclusivity, and to legalize the generational transfer of property.. If you aren't planning to have children or aren't planning to be exclusive, and don't care what happens to your things, after you die, then marriage may not be for you. The religious reasons are subjective and different to every religion and also the the religiousness of the persons, so will have different degrees of importance in different cultures. If you believe in romantic love, then marriage is deemed the ultimate expression of that love. Taken as a whole I believe it to be a good thing and CAN be everything claimed for it, but only with hard work, honesty, love and luck.
OpenBook Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 If you believe in romantic love, then marriage is deemed the ultimate expression of that love. I agree with everything boldjack said, except for this sentence. I think a person is better off treating marriage as a lifetime business partnership with a good friend, rather than go into it for the romance, which always dies, sooner or later. From a practical standpoint, I can see how romance plays an important role in the beginning: to get them together in the first place, and to eventually start having children. But what makes a marriage last is all about the character of each party. Will they still be kind to you and take good care of you down the road, in spite of the fact that they've fallen out of love with you? Of course, the "establishment of exclusivity" that marriage provides only applies to the female (in the male's mind). It's his way of confirming his own parentage. He does not limit himself to exclusivity. Don't believe me? Read the Infidelity and OM/OW forums.
Jade 02 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I hate to admit this but I am one of those women who for as long as I can remember have ALWAYS wanted to get married. I am 26, and still never married. I have had my fair share of long term relationships. My concern is, because I hear it a lot. Marriage is not all that its cracked up to be. Is it? Also, people who say they will never marry again, why not? I don't know Candygirl,LOL,but to me,it's something about that piece of paper. I been married twice,and that piece of paper just ruins everything 1st hubby lived together 5 years,married 8 months 2nd husband lived together 11 years,and married 5,but shareing seperate rooms since we got married. Something about that piece of paper IMO
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Also, people who say they will never marry again, why not? After experiencing the legal, physical and emotional pain of divorce, some people do not wish to deliberately tempt that fate again. It depends on the person's personality and psychology. If A+B always equals C in their mind, why go down that road again? Would I get married again if single? Yup, absolutely. My psychology allows me to see each experience as unique and not indicative of a pattern of experience. I would take the lessons I've learned in my current M and apply them to be a better partner in a future M, as well as to select a more compatible "friend" for that "lifetime business partnership"
Mr. Lucky Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 If you aren't planning to be exclusive, then marriage may not be for you. Hard to argue with this point, but you know what happens to the best laid () plans... Mr. Lucky
Enema Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 My concern is, because I hear it a lot. Marriage is not all that its cracked up to be. Is it? What exactly is marriage "cracked up to be" ? I've always thought it was a meaningless piece of paper created mostly for the purposes of: - Child legitimacy - Pressured monogamy - Power (joining of families) - Romance I'm married, but I think the whole concept is antiquated BS.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 I don't really know what I mean by "all that its cracked up to be" I guess for me I always pictured it as having some sense of security. To feel loved and have complete trust in someone. To have your "own" family. To never feel like you have to go through your problems alone, and to know that someone is there who cares. To have more financial security I guess in most cases hopefully. See for me its different I think than the normal person. I honestly feel like I do NOT have a sense of security, I have no one to go to finanically, and its always been that way. I also do not have a family....I feel like at least. Just thought I would ask the question because I remember when I first moved in with a guy a long time ago, I said to myself, wow this is not all that its cracked up to be at all.
lostsunsets Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I've been with my wife for 30 years, its work. But there is no one in the world I love more or loves me more then my wife. Even above our children. Children grow and become independent. But you and your spouse, should be one in purpose and life. I know its antiquated, but I also know to be without her would be like cutting my body in half.
Enema Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 That isn't what God intended marriage to be. It wasn't just created for procreation either. He saw that it wasn't God for man to be alone, so woman was created. For companionship, to be a partner, to help one another. I am just like everyone else, I like the romance. But I have come to realize that the romance is hard if not impossible to constantly maintain with everyday life intruding. But they way God intended can be maintained everyday. When to people share every detail of their lives together, I believe there is no deeper intimacy and no greater reward. Do you think that marriage is a christian invention? Or, do you think christians merely appropriated the idea to buy themselves legitimacy? ie. Chinese people were getting married more than 7,000 years ago: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_marriage Before the earth even existed, according to some christian beliefs.
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