*THE EX* so depressed!

[jessicasilver]

i feel so depressed im in soo much mental pain! my confidence level is the lowest it has ever been! i just feel like theres nothing left to look forward for in my life! my ex dumped me almost 2months ago, he told me he still loved me but we couldnt be... (he never gave me a valid reason). i begged for him to come back to me but he just continued hurting me so i gave up and i decided to go NO CONTACT! after 2 weeks of no contact he eventually contacted me on msn telling me how he thinks i looked nice in my new pictures! i eventually moved on and felt that i was ok to talk to him again as we were eachothers bestfriends when we were together i didnt want to lose him as a friend too. i decided to start talking to him again as a friend, he rang me last night and told me how his so happy and his life is so good and his met loads of new people, i had hope that maybe he would regret his decision which would have given me some form of closure but he obviously doesnt which hurts i was over him and now he texts and calls me more and i hear stuff that i dont wnt to hear... him talking about how his going to have girls that i presum are his friends over his house when his parents go on holiday etc!!! i just feel like crying all the time! plus my sister saw him today waiting at the bus stop and i had these thoughts in my head that he was going to met another girl! i dont know what to do one minute im over him next minute his all i can think about! i need help i have tried dating other guys but there all rebounds and i dont seem to gel with them as much as i did with my ex! this is hell.. please help me

[EmperorR]

GO NC and don't look back, trust me little by little the pain will go away, i've been where you've been. Deep down you know you can't be friends at the moment it hurts. It's hard to go back how it was just being friends, and its hard to know there out having fun adn their life is great, yet you just fake it while you make it, fake smiles through the day, etc. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel

[BW007]

I feel like I am in the same boat but as an outsider to your situation I can tell you you are NOT prepared to just be friends with this guy yet, or possibly ever. He still thinks about you I am sure and wonders what you are doing too and I think he is oversharing on how "great" his life is without you and I think he is being sadistic either consciously or unconsciously. You need time and distance just like me. For me I can't believe my ex does not love me anymore and it hurts like hell. I can't stand that she has moved on to someone else. It hurts. NC I think is what we both need to continue.

[citizen67]

i feel so depressed im in soo much mental pain! my confidence level is the lowest it has ever been! i just feel like theres nothing left to look forward for in my life! my ex dumped me almost 2months ago, he told me he still loved me but we couldnt be... (he never gave me a valid reason). i begged for him to come back to me but he just continued hurting me so i gave up and i decided to go NO CONTACT! after 2 weeks of no contact he eventually contacted me on msn telling me how he thinks i looked nice in my new pictures! i eventually moved on and felt that i was ok to talk to him again as we were eachothers bestfriends when we were together i didnt want to lose him as a friend too. i decided to start talking to him again as a friend, he rang me last night and told me how his so happy and his life is so good and his met loads of new people, i had hope that maybe he would regret his decision which would have given me some form of closure but he obviously doesnt which hurts i was over him and now he texts and calls me more and i hear stuff that i dont wnt to hear... him talking about how his going to have girls that i presum are his friends over his house when his parents go on holiday etc!!! i just feel like crying all the time! plus my sister saw him today waiting at the bus stop and i had these thoughts in my head that he was going to met another girl! i dont know what to do one minute im over him next minute his all i can think about! i need help i have tried dating other guys but there all rebounds and i dont seem to gel with them as much as i did with my ex! this is hell.. please help me

 

Ouch that is so painful. You deserve someone a little nicer. Everytime you miss him think about how how he's kind of crappy (b/c he is - reread your post if you doubt it)

[9Lives]

i feel so depressed im in soo much mental pain! my confidence level is the lowest it has ever been! i just feel like theres nothing left to look forward for in my life! my ex dumped me almost 2months ago, he told me he still loved me but we couldnt be... (he never gave me a valid reason). i begged for him to come back to me but he just continued hurting me so i gave up and i decided to go NO CONTACT! after 2 weeks of no contact he eventually contacted me on msn telling me how he thinks i looked nice in my new pictures! i eventually moved on and felt that i was ok to talk to him again as we were eachothers bestfriends when we were together i didnt want to lose him as a friend too. i decided to start talking to him again as a friend, he rang me last night and told me how his so happy and his life is so good and his met loads of new people, i had hope that maybe he would regret his decision which would have given me some form of closure but he obviously doesnt which hurts i was over him and now he texts and calls me more and i hear stuff that i dont wnt to hear... him talking about how his going to have girls that i presum are his friends over his house when his parents go on holiday etc!!! i just feel like crying all the time! plus my sister saw him today waiting at the bus stop and i had these thoughts in my head that he was going to met another girl! i dont know what to do one minute im over him next minute his all i can think about! i need help i have tried dating other guys but there all rebounds and i dont seem to gel with them as much as i did with my ex! this is hell.. please help me

 

well the best thing you can do is simply give up. Just realize that he is not going to be with you anymore. Anything other than exceptance is pure torture. i have done it before and let me tell you...it lead to months and months and months and months of unhappy days of hoping and praying, and wishing and analyzing and alll kinds of pain. One day...like yesterday, I just said to myself Stop...it is over. I dont have anything else to look forward to. It is done. I am not going to look for anything else from that relationship. It is not going to happen...You need to just let it go.

 

He has moved on....believe that. Deal with it and I hope you feel better soon. I do understand your hurts

[sjml251]

Jessicasilver, I am totally feeling your pain.....I am so sorry your having to hurt like this, it's so intense sometimes. I'm going through that, too. We broke up a few months ago and sometimes, even for days at a time, I'll feel pretty good, like everything is going to be ok - and then WHAM! Something flips and I turn into an emotional wreck. The best thought I've come up with is that it's like layers of shock. You deal with one layer, get through it, and then hit the next layer - maybe like your psyche's way of chunking it up so it's more manageable - maybe we just couldn't bear the weight of all of our grief and pain of huge emotional loss all at once - so we work through it in pieces. I don't know.....

 

I've also been continuing to deal with my ex (we own a home together and have a business together), which sucks, and it definitely makes it much harder to maintain a positive attitude having to interact with him once a week or so. It seems like everytime we have contact something sends me over the edge either at the time or a day or two later. On the flip side, when I've had a whole week with no contact, I might feel a little empty but I actually feel ok in general - which is a whole lot better the emotional junk-show.

 

I think getting back to NC is key for you (and me) at this point - really, anything he says is probably going to cause you to have an emotional response which inevitably leads back to the pain. This guy isn't caring about the emotional effect he is having on you; he is not being sensitive to you; if anything, he seems to be trying to use you as an emotional crutch or ego-booster - don't let him......your needs come first. You probably need some emotional peace right now - not all these horrific emotional upheavals. This is the same speech I am giving to myself right now so take comfort in knowing that you are not alone, we're all here together working through the pain, helping each other work through the pain - besides, who needs to talk to the pain-bringing exes when we could chat with each other for some support and care instead......