Charmaine_Champagne Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 i've been doing the NC thing with my ex for 2months now almost and i have heard virtually nothing from him. just wondering if any of you could post up your experiences of no contact with regards to how your ex responded to it, if they responded at all, if it made them want you back. and i know NC isn't meant to be a tool to win back your ex and i know it is a time to heal, etc but i really thought doing NC would make my ex miss me and wonder where the hell i am and so far nothing. we were together for 6 years so i can't understand this.. just wondering has any1 done the NC thing and it made their ex crawl back?? my ex and i were together 6 years BUT we have broken up before, we first broke up after dating for 4 and a half years.. we broke up for afew months, i then took him back and gave him another chance and we dated for a year and a half until we broke up again in february. the first time we broke up i went no contact and within just over a month he was crawling up the walls, begging me to take him back. this time it's different, i've been doing NC for nearly 2 months and i've heard nothing from him apart from 2 lousy text messages a month ago, i don't think he will crawl back this time. i miss him but i know i can't contact him.. just wondering any thoughts do you think he'll be in touch if i maintain the NC or is it out of sight out of mind. we were together for a long time, since we were 17 so i find it hard to comprehend that he can just forget me has any1 used NC successfully to get their ex back? it worked for me the last time, but here we are over a year l8r broken up again and it hurts like hell
Bernie Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I'm in a similar situation. I've been doing NC during four weeks, and excluding two text messages I didn't heard nothing about my ex. I feel like you. But I think this is some kind of ironic situation: NC is for moving on, and if you really move on you have some chance to get back. But if you are thinking of getting back during NC you are not really moving on, so you lost your chances... I know everyone here always recommend "NC and move on" but I think every dumpee in the world always think about getting back. Good luck.
searcher Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 My partner of 18 years left me two months ago. He told me he wasn't happy, wasn't "in love" with me anymore and couldn't see a future for us. I was of course devastated by this. Over the last two months I have tried doing the NC thing and only communicating regarding our children. Well I spoke with him last night and he told me that what I had been doing had not helped him cahnge his feelings for me at all. He said he thought that If I had really wanted to win him back I would have made more of an effort, invited him round for dinner and things like that. Instead he just felt that I had pushed him further away. So needless to say I'm feeling a little annoyed at myself for believing the NC advise given by others. I definetly beleive in NC if you are using it as a time for healing and you can't trust your emotions or behaviour around your ex at the current time. But each situation is different. You have to judge for yourself wether giving your ex time and space is what they want or whether d different course of action is needed. These situations are not black or white and there is not only one way to deal with them.
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 i know that Nc isn't meant to be a way of winning back your ex but i just can't get over 6 years so quickly. i've been having abit of a weak day today and despite getting advice to the contrary i have this burning desire to break NC and call him, just tell him how i feel and ask for an answer. atleast if he rejects me i will know where i stand but the way he broke up with me- ignoring me till i left him alone without answering my questions- has left me in limbo with no answers and finding it hard to move on. that is why i hope he contacts me. should i break NC?
BCCA Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 He said he thought that If I had really wanted to win him back I would have made more of an effort, invited him round for dinner and things like that Searcher, this is a bold faced lie. This is called projecting, nothing you would have done would change his mind, but by pointing out what you DIDNT do, now its all your fault. If you really think that crying and begging, and sleeping with him without commitment would REALLY have changed his mind, youre just wrong. You probably pissed him off be not giving him what he wanted, so he in turn used it against you. To answer to OP, Ive been in NC with my ex of 5 years for over 4 months now, and havent heard a single word. I think the thing is, whoever breaks NC is kind of putting themselves in the weaker position. And not hearing from them is much better than being led on or used. If your ex really had something to say to you, he would give in and call. Chances are though, he's over the relationship, so he sees no need to call. Whats he going to say? He probably doesnt feel like sorry is appropriate, and he knows that either he says he wants you back or you wont want anything to do with him, so if he doesnt want you back - where does that leave you? I think we'll hear from our ex's one day, but sadly, its usually when you could care less.
searcher Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Thanks BCCA, I think your right. He still says he is 50/50 on whether or not he wants to come back. I can see now that he's probably just using my reactions to the situation to his advantage by using them as a excuse to keep me hanging on. Why am I so gulible when I'm a reasonably intelligent person? Perhaps love is still making me blind.
LostFocus Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 With my first real girlfriend, she broke up with me because of a LDR and another man came into her life. I went NC for about a year and eventually she called me and she initiated the reconciliation. I was young and took her back. I suppose that I could give NC credit for getting back together. I am using NC on my ex of two and half years. We broke up about a month ago. She really doesn't like NC and tries to contact me regularly. She doesn't want to get back together but wants a FWB type situation while she goes out with friends. It is a very frustrating situation that doesn't make sense to me but I am feeling better about it every day. I don't really see NC as a tool to get a SO back but it seems to have that effect about half of the time. NC as stated is more of a period to sort out your thoughts and emotions. It just so happens that the other person goes through the NC as well and every once in a while realizes how much they miss you as well.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 i know that Nc isn't meant to be a way of winning back your ex but i just can't get over 6 years so quickly. i've been having abit of a weak day today and despite getting advice to the contrary i have this burning desire to break NC and call him, just tell him how i feel and ask for an answer. atleast if he rejects me i will know where i stand but the way he broke up with me- ignoring me till i left him alone without answering my questions- has left me in limbo with no answers and finding it hard to move on. that is why i hope he contacts me. should i break NC? Merm. This is a tough call, one only you can make. I'm thinking IF you feel like you can handle any kind of answer...or get blown off...you may want to give it a go. I am sooo relucant to write that, you have no idea. You see, this could set you back a lot, like a lot -- I hope you really get that. It's very possible you are going through an odd random painful phase in your healing process and I just do not want to see you hurt. At the same time...yeah, I see you are in limbo it seems. And the thing about attachment and limerence is if you can kill the hope, you can make big strides in moving forward from there, because you aren't "in hope". Keeping in mind that I believe: 1. NC is only for healing, not trying to get someone back. 2. When it comes to second chances, or any relationship, matching their interest level is paramount. You may not subscribe to those same beliefs, which is why I'm disclosing them. If there's any question this will set you back, never ignore doing nothing right now. Not sure. I don't know if this is you trying to relieve the (temporary, bad patch) tension, or what... Tread carefully and protect your heart. *hugs*
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 ...the first time we broke up i went no contact and within just over a month he was crawling up the walls, begging me to take him back. this time it's different, i've been doing NC for nearly 2 months and i've heard nothing from him apart from 2 lousy text messages a month ago, i don't think he will crawl back this time... I'm just looking back at the past breakups here. So you did NC and he was crawling up the walls. Then you did it again, and he's been unresponsive? Oh wait. Be VERY careful with this one. Think if you were in his position the first time. It could be it exhausted him or made him angry, I doubt he forgot how it felt to crawl back the first time. That could have really, really alienated him. That really might have made him resolute in turning his head at this point. I know it would me. Just something to think about.
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