bac Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I have a question about terminology of dating. What are criteria of becoming a GF? How do I know if I am a GF for him? Will he ask me specifically if I would like to be his GF? What is my identity if I am not a GF? Am I a casual date? Does being a GF imply exclusivity? Will he be upset if I would call him as my BF first before he calls me his GF? I am dating a man 48 y.o. for 1.5-2 months and we are having sexual intimacy. I typically see him twice per week and we are texting and calling each other sometimes. I have met him on line and he is still appearing on his dating site shortly and every day. As for me I am not on line on my dating profile. That is the story and I am confused about my identity in the relationship.
BobSacamento Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I think you really only have one question and you should ask him: - I want to be exclusive, where do you stand on this?
Sephirothh Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It's easy just ask him, why question it? do you not trust him if you ask him? take the easy road and ask him, if your a little scared of this then ask it in a way that your comfortable with whether it be humorous or serious. Either way you get your answer.
Author bac Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Thank you, but I do not want to ask because it may put both of us in a bad spot if he does not consider me as a GF. He probably will lie smth pleasant because I do not believe that any man has a gut to say to a woman smth like you are not a GF for me but a woman just for casual sex.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Thank you, but I do not want to ask because it may put both of us in a bad spot if he does not consider me as a GF. He probably will lie smth pleasant because I do not believe that any man has a gut to say to a woman smth like you are not a GF for me but a woman just for casual sex.So why are you with a guy you know will probably lie to you? For that matter, how do you know he won't be honest and say, "yes, I'm interested in being in an exclusive relationship with you". Worse case scenario is that you don't get the confirmation you need, so you then decide what you're going to do about it. If you decide to stay with him, how little do you value yourself, unless exclusivity isn't a big deal to you. That's not the impression I'm getting from your OP though.
Mahatma Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Being a girlfriend does imply exclusivity. To become a girlfriend, you and this man need to establish it. This happens when he asks if you want to be exclusive or if you ask if he wants to be. If he is probably going to lie, you should probably find another man.
Author bac Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 So why are you with a guy you know will probably lie to you? For that matter, how do you know he won't be honest and say, "yes, I'm interested in being in an exclusive relationship with you". Worse case scenario is that you don't get the confirmation you need, so you then decide what you're going to do about it. If you decide to stay with him, how little do you value yourself, unless exclusivity isn't a big deal to you. That's not the impression I'm getting from your OP though. Thank you. Actually my questions were direct and straightforward because it is my first dating experience in the USA and I am totally clueless about the basic terminology. I do not think that I am a GF because he is on line at a dating site daily.
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Sneaky, but you could always make up a new profile on the dating site and then send him a message and see what his reponse is. Are your activities public and fun? Has he introduced you to his friends? Do your dates consist of going to his place (or yours), watching some TV and having sex, or do you go out dancing, to the movies, to dinner, walking, kayaking and other activities besides sex? Is he complimentary, kind, attentive?
samsungxoxo Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Yes typically he would have already ask you to be his girlfriend. If he hasn't then you ask him and from then on you decide if you want to be with him or not. Now if he says no to it then you shouldn't be with him if you're thinking of being exclusive.
zilverenvlinder Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 You are his girlfriend the minute he sees someone he knows in a bar, and says, "Hey, __! This is my girlfriend, ___."
Author bac Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Yes typically he would have already ask you to be his girlfriend. If he hasn't then you ask him and from then on you decide if you want to be with him or not. Now if he says no to it then you shouldn't be with him if you're thinking of being exclusive. Do you mean he should ask me to be his GF in around 2 months of dating/having intimacy? even he is in 40s?
Island Girl Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Do you mean he should ask me to be his GF in around 2 months of dating/having intimacy? even he is in 40s? You have been dating a relatively short time. And you are already sexually intimate. You should have already had a conversation about exclusivity because right now you do not even know if he is occasionally sleeping with other women or would if an opportunity presented itself. You should have a conversation about this. You need to know if he is sleeping with anyone else or would because you are exposing yourself to STDs. If you do not feel comfortable talking to him about sex and the exclusivity of the relationship then you shouldn't be sleeping with him. If you are seeing a man and can not discuss a subject for any reason -- DO NOT sleep with him. You should already be at a level in the relationship where you can discuss anything with anyone you are sleeping with.
Recommended Posts