dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Thank you for your reply. I guess that what I have a difficult time grasping is why can't people just become active and eat better/smaller portions on their own. The information on what to eat and what to avoid is out there. Why does it take something as extreme as surgery to make this happen. I guess in my opinion a little self control and motivation can do what gastric bypass does. Not everyone was brought up to eat this way or that way. Just like not everyone was brought up to believe this or that. Not everyone was brought up to act this way or that way. A lot of the choices we make are based on what we learned early on. Now it is not this way for everyone, some are over weight for other issues, health wise (mental or physical). It's not always as black and white as, why can't a person just do this. Hell, I ask myself all the freaking time, why can't I just be this way or that way, but in reality it was something learned early on. For instance, fighting was normal in my home growing up, so it was normal for me to want to fight for a long time before I realized it wasn't normal. We often do what we know as normal, even if it's not always normal to society.
quankanne Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 true ... also have to take into account the diet you were raised with. Me? Good old Tex-Mex cooking, heavy on the tortillas and butter, not so heavy on fresh vegetables. Living down in South Texas therefore meant Tex-Mex and barbecue, heavy on the sauce and tater salad ... again, not so heavy on the fresh veggies. College? Crap food, the only thing consistently fresh was the milk ... therefore, cereal for main meals, supplemented by salad whenever they stocked the salad bar with fresh foods! I know, these are all lifestyle choices, but it takes an incredibly strong will to break out of their comfort zone, and at some point, we do. Denigrating someone for being heavy doesn't help encourage people to get a move on, though, and that's what I'm trying to point out with all these posts.
Author kizik Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 seriously man, if you think 10-20 pounds is fat, maybe you should re-evaluate what you consider important in a girl. Whether or not it is "fat," it is still not attractive to me. I don't feel the need to re-evaluate anything. As several posters have pointed out, we all have our preferences, and fitness in a woman is one of mine.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Whether or not it is "fat," it is still not attractive to me. I don't feel the need to re-evaluate anything. As several posters have pointed out, we all have our preferences, and fitness in a woman is one of mine. Which is fine, but you did start this thread saying "fat girls like me" then moved into the whole 10-20 pounds over weight. You know, height makes that different too. Also how it's carried. I mean for me, if I gain weight, it's obvious, because I have no boobs, well I have them, but they're not big. I gain everything in my middle. Some women who are 10 over carry it higher, or they are taller so it's spread out more. It's kind of a generalization don't you think? I bet at one point in time you've been attracted to someone who was 10-20 pounds over normal weight and not even know it.
Author kizik Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Good call about the "notice-ability" of weight. In my defense - this thread is about Why Do Fat Girls Like Me. It is NOT about Fat Girls Suck.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Good call about the "notice-ability" of weight. In my defense - this thread is about Why Do Fat Girls Like Me. It is NOT about Fat Girls Suck. I know what the thread is about, I'm just putting in my side thoughts. To be honest, even while I was gaining everything in my middle, no one could believe I weighed what I did. And I'm only five feet five inches. I, like my mom, carry myself well as far as that is concerned. No one would have guessed I was closing in one 150, but everyone could see I was scrawny at 105. Now I'm at a healthy 125. I still think I could use some toning here or there, but oh well. I'm me. It's kind of like how most people can't believe I'll be 28 in October. I still look to young to be in the bars to most. Our bodies are just like a book cover, you never know what's inside until you take a look.
39388 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 This thread really makes me wonder which is harder for overweight people. 1) other people making life miserable for them 2) the health risks, NOT incuding those cuased by 1) I wonder if other people making life miserable for them puts so much stress on them, theat it greatly increases the health risks. Isn't it enough that they struggle with their weight for whatever reason. Why make things even worse? Even when they are happy, people question it.
carhill Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 OP, if you generally avoid fat women, how do they develop a crush on you over time? Generally, crushes or attraction require time and contact. You can't control who likes you (or not) but you can control how you handle such interactions. They can assign whatever weight to your actions/words that they choose
Trialbyfire Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 carhill, was that double-entendre deliberate? kizik, everyone experiences attraction when it's not mutual. I'm trying to figure out why it bothers you. I can understand being put off by creepy or stalkerish behaviour but a lack of attraction, regardless of reason why there's no attraction, shouldn't necessarily warrant a strong reaction. Do you feel it's some kind of affront to your attractiveness level?
MN randomguy Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 good insight TBF, I've mentioned before I attract 200+ lb. women. I do think it means that I'm not attractive enough and they think I'll settle for them. Also, I know they arrange non-compete clauses with their attractive friends.
D-Lish Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 good insight TBF, I've mentioned before I attract 200+ lb. women. I do think it means that I'm not attractive enough and they think I'll settle for them. Also, I know they arrange non-compete clauses with their attractive friends. Okay, well, 200 plus IS overweight for the majority. Look, you're going to attract people because you're attractive to them. I'm 5'8", 118lbs and weird, creepy, gross guys hit on me... It's not indicative of how attractive YOU are, I think it's more an indication of how confidant THEY are.
gd26 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 good insight TBF, I've mentioned before I attract 200+ lb. women. I do think it means that I'm not attractive enough and they think I'll settle for them. Also, I know they arrange non-compete clauses with their attractive friends. While I appreciate the honesty of your post, I think it does hit a deep issue though. Why do you think that dating someone overweight is "settling"? The reason I find this a concern is because you are putting a value label on a person for her size. There are many overweight people who have wonderful qualities such as intelligence, a sense of humor, a down-to-earth personality, etc. Obviously some overweight people may not be all that great, but some are. But when you simply write off someone as 'settling' then you are dismissing that person without even taking the time to see how great she might be. I'm not saying that fat is healthy. Ten to twenty pounds may not be such a big deal, but when a person is 40, 50, 60 or more pounds overweight - there is legitimate concern about that person's health. I see overweight as something that puts a person's health at risk, but it says nothing of a person's inherent value. Plus many of those same women whom you consider 'settling' might be the same women you'd chase after if they simply slimmed down. Perhaps some of them you'd feel 'honored' to spend time with. So when you think you are 'settling' by being with someone overweight, you are assuming that person is worth less than you simply because she has some extra fat under her skin.
D-Lish Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 While I appreciate the honesty of your post, I think it does hit a deep issue though. Why do you think that dating someone overweight is "settling"? The reason I find this a concern is because you are putting a value label on a person for her size. There are many overweight people who have wonderful qualities such as intelligence, a sense of humor, a down-to-earth personality, etc. Obviously some overweight people may not be all that great, but some are. But when you simply write off someone as 'settling' then you are dismissing that person without even taking the time to see how great she might be. I'm not saying that fat is healthy. Ten to twenty pounds may not be such a big deal, but when a person is 40, 50, 60 or more pounds overweight - there is legitimate concern about that person's health. I see overweight as something that puts a person's health at risk, but it says nothing of a person's inherent value. Plus many of those same women whom you consider 'settling' might be the same women you'd chase after if they simply slimmed down. Perhaps some of them you'd feel 'honored' to spend time with. So when you think you are 'settling' by being with someone overweight, you are assuming that person is worth less than you simply because she has some extra fat under her skin. Of course, what is fat and what is not- won't always make sense. People have different preferences. I have a very big issue with saying someone 15 lbs over an average weight is a fattie. It's just not okay to say so.
amymarieca Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Why are you so defensive? Are you sure you're as comfortable with yourself as you say you are? I never said that overweight people should feel bad or unattractive. Sorry, Allina, I didn't mean to sound harsh or defensive towards you. I just feel that the overall tone from a lot of people in this thread is that people who are overweight never look at themselves and feel happy. Another general message is that someone who dates an overweight person is settling for something less. That's what I was trying to say. Again, I didn't mean to be nasty towards you, but I can see how my response made it look that way!
lino Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Why are non-fat people so hung up on whether fat people are happy with themselves or not? It isn't the non-fat persons problem anyway... If someone is fat and happy then what's the problem? If they aren't happy then they can do something about it and even ask others for help to lose weight. everyone wins
Trialbyfire Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Look, you're going to attract people because you're attractive to them. I'm 5'8", 118lbs and weird, creepy, gross guys hit on me... It's not indicative of how attractive YOU are, I think it's more an indication of how confidant THEY are.Yup, I had a druggie, street guy hit on me one day, in broad daylight, waiting for a friend to show up. I was looking for my friend, so wasn't paying attention. He came up within 6 inches of my face and said something inappropriate to me. I recoiled and gave him the most disgusted look. Does this mean I look like I'm hopped up on drugs, gross, unwashed and creepy? (don't answer that! )
White Flower Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Check out dating websites and see all the 'fat chicks' who are on so many 'favorites' lists. There is a reason they are favorites.
Jaytb Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 While I appreciate the honesty of your post, I think it does hit a deep issue though. Why do you think that dating someone overweight is "settling"? The reason I find this a concern is because you are putting a value label on a person for her size. There are many overweight people who have wonderful qualities such as intelligence, a sense of humor, a down-to-earth personality, etc. Obviously some overweight people may not be all that great, but some are. But when you simply write off someone as 'settling' then you are dismissing that person without even taking the time to see how great she might be. I'm not saying that fat is healthy. Ten to twenty pounds may not be such a big deal, but when a person is 40, 50, 60 or more pounds overweight - there is legitimate concern about that person's health. I see overweight as something that puts a person's health at risk, but it says nothing of a person's inherent value. Plus many of those same women whom you consider 'settling' might be the same women you'd chase after if they simply slimmed down. Perhaps some of them you'd feel 'honored' to spend time with. So when you think you are 'settling' by being with someone overweight, you are assuming that person is worth less than you simply because she has some extra fat under her skin. It's "settling" because he's probably not attracted to them, it's nothing to do with the worth of someone. Some people like fat. Some don't. Some don't care. To each his own.
quankanne Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Does this mean I look like I'm hopped up on drugs, gross, unwashed and creepy? are you sure it wasn't the little something you dabbed behind your ear that day?
xxlovegame Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 LOLbe honest with themand say their not your type
MN randomguy Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 good insight TBF, I've mentioned before I attract 200+ lb. women. I do think it means that I'm not attractive enough and they think I'll settle for them. Also, I know they arrange non-compete clauses with their attractive friends. While I appreciate the honesty of your post, I think it does hit a deep issue though. Why do you think that dating someone overweight is "settling"? The reason I find this a concern is because you are putting a value label on a person for her size. In this context we are making judgements about the suitability as a mate. One of the big parts of that is a sexual partner. I believe in fathfulness in one's relationships. Therefore if I am to have a romantic relationship with her I am giving up having sex with anyone else. Therefore it is important to me that I have a romantic partner that I desire to have sex with. There are many overweight people who have wonderful qualities such as intelligence, a sense of humor, a down-to-earth personality, etc. You've just described my mother and older sister. Being that I do not have sex with immediate family members, (I'm MNrandomguy not MOrandomguy:laugh:) I don't have a problem with it. My dad doesn't complain about my mom's weight, she is a good mother to me, my sister is a good sister to me. Obviously some overweight people may not be all that great, but some are. But when you simply write off someone as 'settling' then you are dismissing that person without even taking the time to see how great she might be. I'm not saying that fat is healthy. Ten to twenty pounds may not be such a big deal, but when a person is 40, 50, 60 or more pounds overweight - there is legitimate concern about that person's health. I see overweight as something that puts a person's health at risk, but it says nothing of a person's inherent value. Plus many of those same women whom you consider 'settling' might be the same women you'd chase after if they simply slimmed down. Perhaps some of them you'd feel 'honored' to spend time with. So when you think you are 'settling' by being with someone overweight, you are assuming that person is worth less than you simply because she has some extra fat under her skin. I think I've expalined myself in regards to the rest of this. Yet, no one has mentioned my issue with the "non-compete clause". Ladies, is it inferred, or do you actually mention it? Why do you respect it?
quankanne Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 a no-compete clause among friends is understood. Just like you wouldn't chase after your friend's ex ... your loyalty is to your running pack, not to yourself. Otherwise you'd be that girl from the other post who said she'd go after her friend's boyfriend if "they were in love."
MN randomguy Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 a no-compete clause among friends is understood. Just like you wouldn't chase after your friend's ex ... your loyalty is to your running pack, not to yourself. Otherwise you'd be that girl from the other post who said she'd go after her friend's boyfriend if "they were in love." Flippin' weak. Do you ever question the difference between a crush and a BF? I make sure to tell the claimer that I hate her when I lose out in a clique. Its my own little scorched earth policy. Death to sisterhood.
Jambalaya Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Oh my arse! Fat girls aren't used to people being nice to them? What a load of rot! LOL Honestly! I've been slim, big and sometimes completely huge! Never had a problem with men approaching me no matter what size, and I've never had a problem with approaching men or women. Even when I was 21 stone, I would get chatted up and chat up. It means nothing about esteem, or size. Some people actually do like a woman with a big bum, luscious thighs and huge boobs. It's entirely to do with how you carry yourself, your personality and chemistry.
iceis44 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Oh my arse! Fat girls aren't used to people being nice to them? What a load of rot! LOL Honestly! I've been slim, big and sometimes completely huge! Never had a problem with men approaching me no matter what size, and I've never had a problem with approaching men or women. Even when I was 21 stone, I would get chatted up and chat up. It means nothing about esteem, or size. Some people actually do like a woman with a big bum, luscious thighs and huge boobs. It's entirely to do with how you carry yourself, your personality and chemistry. I agree 100%, Im not thin, never have been I am a rock solid sz 18/20 42 dd boobs, I call them 42 longs ha, only been divorced about a year, but havnt even had to look for a man, they keep falling in My lap, and not slugs, fit active healthy attractive men, Even tho I still struggle with the self esteem stereotypes I had been given by my husband of 25 years, Never felt thin enough, oh and hes the one who just had the "mild heart attack" at 48, while my thick ars swam 32 laps the other day! In 30 minutes mind you! http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=76713204&albumID=745130&imageID=39258627 I am the thick grandma
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