Sam Spade Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 can you truly be happy with looking at yourself in the mirror? and only considering your physicality? Of course not. No one is. Fortunately, we're deeper than that ... and when we understand (and accept) that time and gravity aren't going to preserve what was once perfect, we learn to live with our shortcomings. Otherwise we make ourselves truly miserable over something that cannot be controlled (as in the time and gravity thing). I was pretty happy looking at my greek godlike self in the mirror this morning . Yes, we are deeper than that, but the process of forming first impressions is brutal - it's done within a few seconds. Sure, character can and does show on the face somewhat, and that's precisely why ideally we should try not to obscure it additionally with rolls. Nobody is perfect, for sure. But I would have hard time believing that an obese person is truly, geuninely happy with themselves, and if so, why be in denial instead of doing something - anything - about it? Not to be confused with the plucked chicken look - i've never advocated it, and there are plenty of quite healthy men and women packing some extra junk in the trunk, but obesity is a different, and pretty serious condition, which is remediable.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 You are right, but if it was so easy to lose weight, most people would have done it by now. I can tell you as a male, it is hard. They say it is often even harder for females. I used to be overweight. The wallowing in self-pity made me sick and one day I had enough. I just hit the gym, and even though the first few workouts were pathetic, I kept at it. I shed alot of weight and now I'm pretty lean and muscular. I still work out, I don't think I'll ever stop. I know how it feels to be overweight,and it ****ing SUCKS, but there IS something you can do about it, its just up to you on how bad you want it.
amymarieca Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I used to be overweight. The wallowing in self-pity made me sick and one day I had enough. I just hit the gym, and even though the first few workouts were pathetic, I kept at it. I shed alot of weight and now I'm pretty lean and muscular. I still work out, I don't think I'll ever stop. I know how it feels to be overweight,and it ****ing SUCKS, but there IS something you can do about it, its just up to you on how bad you want it. Just because someone is fat doesn't mean they are wallowing in self-pity all the time. I don't do that because I have confidence in myself and so do a lot of other fat people. I exercise on a regular basis too, so before you go assuming fat people are lazy, you are wrong. I find it interesting that you make the comments that you do considering you used to be overweight. How did you feel when people made rude comments to you? You seem to have no problem dishing it out now. For example, I recall in one thread that you insulted me quite badly by saying I should get off my ass and lose some weight. Clearly, that was immature. Usually people who have a complex about something tend to insult other people about something they feel insecure about. Are you not feeling very good about yourself lately?
amymarieca Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I am not talking about 20lbs overweight, but more than that. I mean can you truly be happy with looking at yourself in the mirror? Can ANYONE ever be truly happy looking at themselves in the mirror? If it's not fat, it's always something else. You can't make the assumption that all fat people look at themselves in the mirror with disgust.
39388 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I used to be overweight. The wallowing in self-pity made me sick and one day I had enough. I just hit the gym, and even though the first few workouts were pathetic, I kept at it. I shed alot of weight and now I'm pretty lean and muscular. I still work out, I don't think I'll ever stop. I know how it feels to be overweight,and it ****ing SUCKS, but there IS something you can do about it, its just up to you on how bad you want it. It is dependent on metabolism and effort. If you have a slow metabolism, it takes an *almost* superhuman effort. If you have a moderate one like I do, it takes a good amount of effort, but is more doable. If you have a very quick one, like many 18 year olds do, you may not have to do anything at all.
39388 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I have no problem dating an overweight woman. None at all. In fact, many are very attractive to me. I want a good person on the inside. The discrimination against them is extreme. Here is an example of how extreme. Another man and I were having a conversation and dating came up. He said if there were two people and one was overwight, which one would you date? I said I want to know more about them. He said if all else were equal. I still would not give him an answer and said I'd have to meet them. He essentially called me a liar. I didn't give him the answer that most people would give and he didn't like it.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Just because someone is fat doesn't mean they are wallowing in self-pity all the time. I don't do that because I have confidence in myself and so do a lot of other fat people. I exercise on a regular basis too, so before you go assuming fat people are lazy, you are wrong. I find it interesting that you make the comments that you do considering you used to be overweight. How did you feel when people made rude comments to you? You seem to have no problem dishing it out now. For example, I recall in one thread that you insulted me quite badly by saying I should get off my ass and lose some weight. Clearly, that was immature. Usually people who have a complex about something tend to insult other people about something they feel insecure about. Are you not feeling very good about yourself lately? :lmao::lmao:
quankanne Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 3, I think you are prolly a huge hit with the lasses :love: one of my best friends from college is like this – he loves women in every color, shape and form. Even the psychos! the best part about his attitude is that it makes the ordinary average gal who normally doesn't think in terms of her looks feel sexy and feminine. It's a rare gift a man possesses when he has that outlook ....
Sam Spade Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 It is dependent on metabolism and effort. If you have a slow metabolism, it takes an *almost* superhuman effort. If you have a moderate one like I do, it takes a good amount of effort, but is more doable. If you have a very quick one, like many 18 year olds do, you may not have to do anything at all. Right, 30% of the adult population has slow metabolism and/or is genetically predisposed . I disagree dishing insults in the direction of overweight people, but I also disagree with transparent attempts to rationalise it - bottom line is that if you ingest more calories than you burn, you will gain weight, that's *all* there is to it...
BCCA Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 bottom line is that if you ingest more calories than you burn, you will gain weight, that's *all* there is to it... True, although there are conditions that could slow your metabolism, along with age. I will say though, if youre consuming more than 2000 calories in a day, you need to start looking at what youre eating. And if you dont do any form of physical attivities, at least a few times a week, you really have no one to blame but yourself.
39388 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Buy a lot of boxes of P90X fitness + diet program at a steep discount, and every time a fat girl expresses interest in you, give her the box and tell her to call you in 3 months ! I'm dead serious! I'd say odds are there is no sex at all . On the other hand, at least something cozy to snuggle to (into:eek:?) in a cold winter night . Some curves are fine, but actual fatness really sets you back in all aspects of life, unless you're otherwise exceptional . It seems to me that to live like a fat person is to live in a parallel universe - different dating/aquaintance/friedship pool, different clothing choices, different health problems, different life style, everything differen. I certainly don't pick my friends based on weight , but nobody in my professional and personal circles is overweight. Right, 30% of the adult population has slow metabolism and/or is genetically predisposed . I disagree dishing insults in the direction of overweight people, but I also disagree with transparent attempts to rationalise it - bottom line is that if you ingest more calories than you burn, you will gain weight, that's *all* there is to it... You dish out insults at overweight people and then say you disagree with doing so. You repeatedly contradict yourself. There are some great overweight people that I know and I can assure you they would never have *anything* to do with someone with your attitude. I'd date an overwight person with a nice smile and a good attitude in a second over a hypocrite with a thin "model like" body. You can have her.
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I used to be 20lbs overweight. And if someone commented on it all I would think is "They are completly right. I look disgusting. It's about time I did something about it" Oh and you can not be happy and obese. Nothing can convince me otherwise.
theBrokenMuse Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Oh and you can not be happy and obese. Nothing can convince me otherwise. Because you, in your infinite wisdom, know better then the people who actually are obese, right? Are you really that megalomaniacal that you can honestly believe that you are in any position to tell other people what they feel or think? That's a rhetorical question by the way, I have no desire to actually converse with you in any manner.
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Because you, in your infinite wisdom, know better then the people who actually are obese, right? Are you really that megalomaniacal that you can honestly believe that you are in any position to tell other people what they feel or think? That's a rhetorical question by the way, I have no desire to actually converse with you in any manner. Ok listen, I am sorry for being blunt and hurting your feelings. I truly want to understand. If we say completly forget the apperances what about your energy levels? When I see obese people in the mall they are always sweating and getting out of breath even while walking. It must be uncomfortable to carry all that weight around. I am not even going to go into actual health risks. Why would you not try to lose weight? That's what I don't undrestand.
allina Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Can ANYONE ever be truly happy looking at themselves in the mirror? If it's not fat, it's always something else. I feel pretty happy when I look in the mirror
MeMyself&I Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Ok listen, I am sorry for being blunt and hurting your feelings. I truly want to understand. If we say completly forget the apperances what about your energy levels? When I see obese people in the mall they are always sweating and getting out of breath even while walking. It must be uncomfortable to carry all that weight around. I am not even going to go into actual health risks. Why would you not try to lose weight? That's what I don't undrestand. In the last two years I lost over 60 pds. So I was an overweight person. I am 5'2. So 60 extra pds on me was a lot. I probably would have denied when I was overweight how unhappy I was. But that's cause I didn't remember how much happier I was when I was thin. We adjust to what we have. It's a coping mechanism. I'm a single mom of two, college, work, kids have sports, etc.........I have a busy life. I made all the excuses. I'm too busy to work out, I get enough exercise chasing my kids (obviously not I was overweight). There are 24 hours in a day. Sleep 8, work 8, 1 hr to commute, etc. there are still hours left in the day. Take 1/2 hr to an hour out of your day.....it's a small thing to excercise. If you can't get to the gym, go outside when it's nice. Hop up and down in your house for 1/2 hour (your kids will laugh at you) lol. As I've said in other posts. An outside reflection of health (being thin) does not always mean you are healthy. I heavier person can actually be healthier than a thinner person. One cannot see cholesterol etc by appearance. So I'm just saying..........."be healthy" if healthy on one body is 20 pds heavier than another then that's okay. But like I said above if you go through life overweight and unhealthy......how do you know what your missing? Chances are if you worked at being healthy you would look back at old photos and never want to return to that weight again. Why is saying someone is unhealthy and overweight worse than saying someone is unhealthy because they smoke or drink?? I know some people struggle because of health issues that add to their weight problems (thyroid, heredity, etc) and I sympathize that makes it even harder. But don't believe in most cases it is impossible to reach a healthy weight goal whatever that may be.
quankanne Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Why would you not try to lose weight? That's what I don't understand. because you just don't care – not being flip, but because you're so bombarded by unrealistic images of what passes for healthy on TV, in the news, in the movies, on the cover of magazines/CDs ... "why should *I* have to change for someone to approve of me? Why shouldn't *they* change their concepts of beauty to include me – a heavy person – as part of it? I have value as a person even though I don't fit a set image!" my mother-in-law, bless her heart, was an anorectic alcoholic who had issues with people being overweight. When she died of lung cancer (oh yeah, she was a heavy smoker who was on oxygen at the end) she weighed about 86 pounds. Disgusting, because she could have done something about it, but refused to ... but, because she wasn't "overweight," it was okay. which leads me back to the don't-care attitude: I don't have a problem psychologically or emotionally with the fat, because I'm not so vain that I have to strive to meet a certain image or society's expectation of myself. On the other hand, problems with my health has forced me to consider (and undergo) bariatric surgery so that I can better control those problems. I didn't do it because I wanted to drop 100 pounds and look "good" ... I did it because I want to be off the insulin for the rest of my life. comments and attitudes about how "fat people need to lose weight because they look gross" – and bias against them – tend to be annoying. And simply make us close ourselves off to possibly meaningful dialogue. Because unless you've walked in my shoes, you have no concept of what it is like to live like an obese person.
allina Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 On the other hand, problems with my health has forced me to consider (and undergo) bariatric surgery so that I can better control those problems. I didn't do it because I wanted to drop 100 pounds and look "good" ... I did it because I want to be off the insulin for the rest of my life. I find something puzzling. And I am only using your post as a loose basis, I'm not accusing you of this. Fat people (I don't mean this in a derogatory way just people who carry a large amount of fat on their bodies) VERY often go on and on about how they don't over eat and it's genetic or something along those lines. Then they turn around and have gastric bypass surgery, a surgery that FORCES you to stop over eating and makes you stick to a strict diet and portion size. If a surgery that makes you eat much less solves your problem then your fat IS caused by over eating not genetics or some uncontrollable factor!
Jaytb Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I find something puzzling. And I am only using your post as a loose basis, I'm not accusing you of this. Fat people (I don't mean this in a derogatory way just people who carry a large amount of fat on their bodies) VERY often go on and on about how they don't over eat and it's genetic or something along those lines. Then they turn around and have gastric bypass surgery, a surgery that FORCES you to stop over eating and makes you stick to a strict diet and portion size. If a surgery that makes you eat much less solves your problem then your fat IS caused by over eating not genetics or some uncontrollable factor! I don't think that poster said anything about genetics or metabolism or anything. Why would you not try to lose weight? That's what I don't understand. because you just don't care – not being flip, but because you're so bombarded by unrealistic images of what passes for healthy on TV, in the news, in the movies, on the cover of magazines/CDs ... "why should *I* have to change for someone to approve of me? Why shouldn't *they* change their concepts of beauty to include me – a heavy person – as part of it? I have value as a person even though I don't fit a set image!" my mother-in-law, bless her heart, was an anorectic alcoholic who had issues with people being overweight. When she died of lung cancer (oh yeah, she was a heavy smoker who was on oxygen at the end) she weighed about 86 pounds. Disgusting, because she could have done something about it, but refused to ... but, because she wasn't "overweight," it was okay. which leads me back to the don't-care attitude: I don't have a problem psychologically or emotionally with the fat, because I'm not so vain that I have to strive to meet a certain image or society's expectation of myself. On the other hand, problems with my health has forced me to consider (and undergo) bariatric surgery so that I can better control those problems. I didn't do it because I wanted to drop 100 pounds and look "good" ... I did it because I want to be off the insulin for the rest of my life. comments and attitudes about how "fat people need to lose weight because they look gross" – and bias against them – tend to be annoying. And simply make us close ourselves off to possibly meaningful dialogue. Because unless you've walked in my shoes, you have no concept of what it is like to live like an obese person. You know, it's just like anything else in life, you have a lot of noise that isn't helpful at all mixed with some good constructive advice. Ignore the noise and follow the constructive advice. I think if someone is overweight or obese and they're happy with themselves, then congratulations! But what I find is many people have poor self-image due to being overweight but don't have the resolve to do anything about it. On these forums, I don't see any of that though. The people on this forum usually have the resolve to change something about themselves. But I've got to say that other people make a good point about the physical situation of being obese, like energy levels and other health reasons. I think that is more than enough reason to lose weight. The looking better aspect of it is just a bonus .
quankanne Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 If a surgery that makes you eat much less solves your problem then your fat IS caused by over eating not genetics or some uncontrollable factor! good question, allina ... there are some folks who have crap metabolism that is the underlying cause for their excessive weight. Now, combined with poor eating habits and diet of convenience (a cheap burger combo or an expensive salad that "isn't" going to fill you up versus preparing healthy meals to bring with you), and lax exercise regimen, there's where the pounds pack on. what this surgery does is help you completely change how you eat. Because you're focusing on a high-protein-based diet to keep you "full," you have to learn how to choose what you consume wisely. Which is especially important if you're a gastric bypass patient – the wrong foods literally can make you sick because there are no nutrients for your body to absorb (at least this is my understanding of what they explained). So now you're rethinking eating strategy. And you're learning "how" to consume a meal: small bites to fit through a nostril-sized port of entry from baby stomach to regular stomach; chewing thoroughly to aid with digestion; not "washing" food down with drink so that you tend to eat more to make your stomach feel full ...
quankanne Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I've got to say that other people make a good point about the physical situation of being obese, like energy levels and other health reasons. I think that is more than enough reason to lose weight. The looking better aspect of it is just a bonus yes, the health aspect is incredibly important, but people often have a crap way of delivering their message. Someone who is overweight doesn't want to hear "well, I was horribly fat at 13 lbs overweight, I looked like a pig so I lost weight and I'm sexy now," because they're already dealing with society's harsh outlook on their size and just don't need more harassment. Which is what it is, any way you look at it. We know it's not attractive, and I can see how someone with shxt self-esteem isn't going to be motivated – for ANY reason – to attempt to help themselves because they're already considered "big fat losers."
amymarieca Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I feel pretty happy when I look in the mirror So do I, but apparently that's not the norm for overweight people.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I'm telling ya, big girls will rock your ****ing world. I mean, I'm no saint, it took me 6 double shots of tequila and "This Is How We Do It" in the club to get me in the mood, but man, she ****ed my brains out. And gave me gas for the trip home, and munchie money, and awesome hook ups every weekend for about a month after that. I hate to sound desperate, but I appreciate woman of all shapes, sizes, and colors. If you've got 3 tits, purple skin, 20 lbs extra, and a pretty face, things could happen between me and you lol..if I'm single that is. I was taking a sip of my margarita, almost choked it up, and just about fell off my chair laughing. :laugh::laugh: (I also just turned on This is how we do it, brought me back to my teenage years. Oh to be young again.) Okay in all seriousness. I didn't go through the 7 pages of responses, well because I just feel to lazy to do that right now. I personally really truly believe, that there's something to your personality. A person who has things to be insecure about (not saying someone should be insecure over 20 pounds, just saying in general) tend to latch on to someone who will give them the attention the long for. If someone is being nice to them, and they aren't used to it, they are going to look at that as beyond friendship. Personally, I don't think it's a bad trait to have, to have that type of personality. Do you think every single "thin" woman out there was always thin? No. Hell, I've struggled with going from being 20 pounds underweight to 20 pounds over weight. It always made me insecure, and I always looked for someone to give me attention. But now, I've leveled off, and stay consistent. It's also made me less all about looks. But seriously man, if you think 10-20 pounds is fat, maybe you should re-evaluate what you consider important in a girl.
allina Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 If a surgery that makes you eat much less solves your problem then your fat IS caused by over eating not genetics or some uncontrollable factor! good question, allina ... there are some folks who have crap metabolism that is the underlying cause for their excessive weight. Now, combined with poor eating habits and diet of convenience (a cheap burger combo or an expensive salad that "isn't" going to fill you up versus preparing healthy meals to bring with you), and lax exercise regimen, there's where the pounds pack on. what this surgery does is help you completely change how you eat. Because you're focusing on a high-protein-based diet to keep you "full," you have to learn how to choose what you consume wisely. Which is especially important if you're a gastric bypass patient – the wrong foods literally can make you sick because there are no nutrients for your body to absorb (at least this is my understanding of what they explained). So now you're rethinking eating strategy. And you're learning "how" to consume a meal: small bites to fit through a nostril-sized port of entry from baby stomach to regular stomach; chewing thoroughly to aid with digestion; not "washing" food down with drink so that you tend to eat more to make your stomach feel full ... Thank you for your reply. I guess that what I have a difficult time grasping is why can't people just become active and eat better/smaller portions on their own. The information on what to eat and what to avoid is out there. Why does it take something as extreme as surgery to make this happen. I guess in my opinion a little self control and motivation can do what gastric bypass does. So do I, but apparently that's not the norm for overweight people. Why are you so defensive? Are you sure you're as comfortable with yourself as you say you are? I never said that overweight people should feel bad or unattractive.
Isolde Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I was taking a sip of my margarita, almost choked it up, and just about fell off my chair laughing. :laugh::laugh: (I also just turned on This is how we do it, brought me back to my teenage years. Oh to be young again.) Okay in all seriousness. I didn't go through the 7 pages of responses, well because I just feel to lazy to do that right now. I personally really truly believe, that there's something to your personality. A person who has things to be insecure about (not saying someone should be insecure over 20 pounds, just saying in general) tend to latch on to someone who will give them the attention the long for. If someone is being nice to them, and they aren't used to it, they are going to look at that as beyond friendship. Personally, I don't think it's a bad trait to have, to have that type of personality. Do you think every single "thin" woman out there was always thin? No. Hell, I've struggled with going from being 20 pounds underweight to 20 pounds over weight. It always made me insecure, and I always looked for someone to give me attention. But now, I've leveled off, and stay consistent. It's also made me less all about looks. But seriously man, if you think 10-20 pounds is fat, maybe you should re-evaluate what you consider important in a girl. DreamerGrl has asn interesting point. We've all got something to be insecure about and if we let that take over, we'll lose our pride in dating situations. For example, to take the OPPOSITE of the overweight problem, some women claim they are "liked only for their looks" and overcompensate by dating a slobby jerk, because they feel they can't trust anyone. Personally, I have something about myself that I used to be insecure about, at least in relation to how guys perceived me--and I made mistakes back then. People who are happy about themselves and the actions they take, no matter what their weight, will make healthier decisions dating wise.
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