lando Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Long story short, I met a girl about a month before I was moving to another city (which is only a few hours away). Isn't it funny how when you make up your mind that you don't want to meet anybody, you do? Anyways, she knew the entire time that I was moving, and was actually very supportive about it, and happy for me. She is quite different from me, or rather, very different from any girl i've ever dated in the past. I like how she is different, and I really enjoy her perspective on life. I have always been more of a 'plan for the future' kind of guy, and she is a 'live in the moment' kind of girl. Well, her and I decided to try the distance relationship, and to see how it goes. I've tried a LDR in the past, and it lasted for a year and a half before ending very badly. As it turned out, my ex had been cheating for months, while the whole time I remained faithful and loyal to her. I left that relationship pretty banged up. The funny thing about that relationship, was that her and I spent alot of time together over skype (too much, in retrospect), and we did the things that would be considered necessary to make a LDR work, or so I thought. This relationship is very different thus far, which I don't consider to be a bad thing. She knows about my past LDR and how it ended, and I can genuinely say that I trust this girl, she has earned it. The thing that is on my mind, is that basically, i'm kind of feeling like things are one-sided. I can't say whether or not this feeling is justified, though. My girlfriend works ridiculous hours at her job. She basically works all day, 6 days a week. We keep in touch through text messages usually, but i'm almost always the one to send the first message. It's understandable, she is working, and I have much more free time on my hands right now than I used to. We've talked about it, and she doesn't want to stay at that job, but right now it's a necessary evil for her. It's fair, and I support her. I just can't decide if our relationship is 'healthy' per se. I'm confused. In my last LDR, we did all we could, and things went sour. And now with this girl, she is fine with having much less contact with me, yet I still know I can completely trust in her, and say without doubt that she cares for me. I think i'm having trouble adjusting to the reduced amount of contact. On a daily basis, we only text back and forth a little bit. I don't know.. As everyone says, for a LDR to succeed it takes effort from both sides, and i'm feeling like I put forth more effort at this point, but in reality, that's not the case, it's just what i'm used to, or rather, what I believe to be a healthy level of communication for a relationship like this. I am not trying to compare this relationship to my last one, it would be wrong to. What I *am* trying to do is to take what I learned from my last one and use it now to have a healthier relationship. And the funny thing about that, is that since this girl is so different, and things are happening so much differently, that i'm not sure if it all applies. In the end, the truth is that everything is great between us! I just keep having to reassure myself of that, and that bugs me.
Island Girl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Okay. I understand having an idea of what "normal" communication is. And then the feeling that "we don't do that" BUT everything is still fantastic. Don't get so hung up on what would be the normal level or what anyone else does. In relationships it is ALWAYS what works for the two of you. My husband and I have been through many up and downs in the communication department. Really often - then really often but with technical difficulties (which made the efforts futile). As well as reduced contact because of financial hardship, etc. It is what it is. We both know we are together just as we were in the beginning. We are just as faithful, just as strong, and just as committed. But by another's standards they would say they couldn't do it or it isn't normal. That all just doesn't matter. We are still together and that is the only thing that matters.
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