laura82 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Looking for some advice, especially guys as I am totally not understanding this at all. I have been with the same great guy for 8 years. He was a bit of a homebody which I didn't mind we were happy just hanging out movies, dinner once in awhile whatever. Anyway lots of changes the past two years or so. We worked together for about 5 years. Then I went to a new company and he was transferred to a new location. He lost about 60 lbs which I was so proud of him but honestly the weight never bothered me a bit. Anyway we had been seeing less of eachother still getting along great and all and then about 6 months ago he brought up getting a house ( we have always talked about getting married, kids the whole thing) we started going over numbers and it was the first very serious talk about it we had. Then gradually my guy who never goes out was constantly out with these two guys he met at work, both on probation, both multiple children by different women, I didn't say anything. They were his friends and I trusted him completely, who was I to start in about his friends? The thing is we already had less time together then we had next to none. To top it off when I would come see him he was disinterested to say the least and "falling asleep" at 8 but out with them until 12. I kept quiet, I did say I wish we could spend more time together and left it at that. Then we got into some idiotic fight he said he was done I left, called him and said we could talk the next day. Then he went back on everything said he was being "stupid" and didn't mean it. 5 days later he does it over the phone. This is what I got "Laura deal with it people break up, move on. I'll tell people it was a great relationship" Oh thank you so much. Cut to two weeks later he is in his own apartment living the life. Okay his side is this, he wants to be his own man and live his life. He dosen't want obligations to anyone or care/worry about someone as much as he does me. He does not want anything with anyone and if he did it would be me. Other women are not a factor and some chick hit on him the other day and he "didn't even feel like oh yeah still got it, didn't even care" he states he still feels the same about me but towards the end felt like we were in a very casual relationship and he was fine with that. Says he is in no way closing the door on us but he needs time to be "his own man" and that any relationship is so far out there it's not even on the horizon and whether it's me or anyone else and that we will discuss eveything if he eventually meets someone or we want to try again. I was the "perfect" girlfriend and everyday he has a least a few moments where he thinks what am I doing or when he sees me he thinks this is a mistake. That I'm the most beautiful awesome chick he knows and he dosen't even know whats going on. He said it hit him like a ton of bricks that he was never independant and needed it. Now cut to me being the psycho ex from hell. I have never ever felt like this in my life, the calling is ridiculous the questions the endless op worries. I am sick of myself really and he is so pissed at me for not giving him the space he needs. So much so that he won't even tell me where he lives. Then I got fired, oh yeah I'm not kidding. I was distracted at work and got my ass canned. So guess what now it's worse. I am not trying to bother him but I am so so so upset and confused, My whole life is erased. He says he wants is us to be so close but can't until I move on. Okay so a few ques here first does this sound like a comittment issue or an I don't love her issue. What is the best way to deal with pain like this when the person you always went to IS the pain and do men really leave for reasons other than new women, I'm sorry if thats sexist but I can't get that fear out of my head. Bad enough he left but to have some strange b*tch take my place after 8 years would be beyond torture. Thanks for having the patience to read this I am at a loss!!!!!
fastnfurious Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Laura, exact situation pretty much for me only I'm a guy. My ex wanted to "discover herself and didnt know what she was doing with her life". We were due to get married in less then 10 months. I feel your pain. I don't understand how these things happen....................
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