desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Yeah two can play games. But I'm not, I don't want to add gas or oxygen to a fire so I'm just going to ignore it with no eye contact, nothing. Well...you have a better attitude than most of us here! Good for you. But like I said, if it gets worst...you need to do something about it. Some people when ignored become worse in time....and others get the message and just disappear....
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I do agree that the BS shouldn't stalk her. I wouldn't waste my time on an OM other than to out him to a possible significant other. I wouldn't stalk him. My time is more valuable than that. But I do feel that the BS is justifiably angry at OFGnomore. The following her in the car is one thing, but OFG shouldn't be playing woe-is-me regarding getting an evil eye. I do not think she was playing the "woe-is me". I believe she wanted some advice on what to do with a situation like this. But we take what we can from the posts here on LS depending on our biases...Funny, that many here focused on the "evil eye", instead of the other things... Yes, the BS anger is definitely justified...still...she should spend her time healing her marriage. I mean, if she is ACTUALLY stalking OP...I would be inclined to think: "wow, i feel bad for this woman's husband---no wonder he had an affair..she is has no grace, no pride ,no dignity--pathetic , really..
bentnotbroken Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I do not think she was playing the "woe-is me". I believe she wanted some advice on what to do with a situation like this. But we take what we can from the posts here on LS depending on our biases...Funny, that many here focused on the "evil eye", instead of the other things... Yes, the BS anger is definitely justified...still...she should spend her time healing her marriage. I mean, if she is ACTUALLY stalking OP...I would be inclined to think: "wow, i feel bad for this woman's husband---no wonder he had an affair..she is has no grace, no pride ,no dignity--pathetic , really.. Her mental state may play a part in her actions. Depression and anxiety doesn't allow a person to think rationally. During those times I gave not a rat's azz about grace, pride or diginity and yes, I was pathetic...pathethically depressed.
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Too bad. How do you think she feels after you #$%#$# her husband? Ya, I think you should ignore it and take the uncomfortableness as part of your punishment. She will let it go in time and decide that you aren't worth her time. I agree with this. I am usually the most open-minded person about affairs even though I've never had one nor have I been cheated on (as much as I know). But in this case i totally agree with the usually-extreme Dexter. OP, how would you feel if someone f*cked the man you married and loved for two years? I'd do much more than stalk you around. I wouldn't hurt you physically, but I would try to make your life as miserable as possible. Consider yourself lucky.
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Her mental state may play a part in her actions. Depression and anxiety doesn't allow a person to think rationally. During those times I gave not a rat's azz about grace, pride or diginity and yes, I was pathetic...pathethically depressed. Ahm....so does apparently "being in love"...this "irrational' emotion can "make" you break your vow and engage in illicit affairs. ...
bentnotbroken Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Ahm....so does apparently "being in love"...this "irrational' emotion can "make" you break your vow and engage in illicit affairs. ... Nope, low boundary and a number of other things that it is too late for me to go into tonight make a person beak their vows and hump around.
Athena Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I agree with this. I am usually the most open-minded person about affairs even though I've never had one nor have I been cheated on (as much as I know). But in this case i totally agree with the usually-extreme Dexter. OP, how would you feel if someone f*cked the man you married and loved for two years? I'd do much more than stalk you around. I wouldn't hurt you physically, but I would try to make your life as miserable as possible. Consider yourself lucky. My take on this matter too -- I agree with both RP and Dexter here! You are just gonna have to understand that when you took what was hers, you were giving her the 'right' to meddle/get involved in your life too...
Lostchances Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 No, OFG this is not stalking. This does not at all meet criteria for stalking. It sounds exactly like very typical OW paranoia. Your paranoia to be specific. This woman was always in these various places at various times. Only now you finally notice. Two years is a lot of valuable time to steal from this woman. She hates you like snakes for all you took. She hates what her H gave, but she hates you for taking. Advice: perhaps you should write the BW a letter of apology and NC. A genuine letter of sincere apology and NC. With your H approving it before you send it. That worked for me. Did you apologize to your BH? Then apologize to her. Remotely. You have to mean it though or it won’t work at all. It can make things even worse if you don’t totally mean both the NC and the apology. I find it interesting there are posters here who blame the BW for acting hurt and protective. For having PTSD because of what two other people intentionally and with malice aforethought did to her. But even more interesting is this sentence: "But the past is the past and all we can do at this point is make positive steps to a better future.” Pure crap, and WE BOTH know it. Typical OP cop-out crap even I indulged myself with. Typical I don’t want to think too much or too deeply about what I did crap. Hmm, how about we just call it subjective reality and then we all pretend it will not affect the rest of our lives. But it will. It is and it will. No matter what we do. It should affect the rest of our eternities if there is any absolute justice at all. Better get used to it OFG.
tami-chan Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It should affect the rest of our eternities if there is any absolute justice at all. Better get used to it OFG. By "affect" do you mean "suffer"? Sheesh, sorry but I will not suffer forever for anything. I will "affect" changes in my life as a result of bad decisions and errors made by me and other people, but there is no way I am going to carry the weight of suffering forever.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Yeah, I understand the venom. I was the other 50% in the equation. But xOPs spouse immediately put the blame on me and was making fun of my H's initial reaction to the discovery which was anger and hurt. Now after announcing to the community that they're stronger and in love more than ever. If she had the courage to read the emails my H sent her, she'd realize her H was an aggressive pursuer of the A and I ended it many times and the final time. Also, I confessed to H. H forced his confession to her. So now she starts the stalking months after the disclosure? But maybe the reality of the situation is starting to set in. Who knows? But I wont take 100% of the blame for the situation. I waiver from being annoyed to having compassion for her. I can understand her taking it up with me but when my kids are around or in my car, I get really annoyed. Bottom line. Fix your marriage don't worry about hers. If she does more than give you the stink eye call the cops. As for the blame... it is 100% your fault, and it's 100% his fault. There is no shared blame in this. So, you can't worm your way out like that. You can't be upset or annoyed with her, you hurt her really bad... and she has to live with it. Just ignore her... and let them be. Do you understand how she might feel? Do you understand how your husband may feel?
Recommended Posts