OFGnomore Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It's been 4 months since I confessed a 2 year affair to H. Told him the whole truth, he was devasted initially but now we're working things thru a day at time. He gave xOP an ultimatum to confess on his own which he did. His W forgave him immediately (so she says her email she circulated in our community), and has turned H and I into the "immoral ones". 5 months later, she's begun to follow me in in her car if she sees me in our small town. She takes pause to give me a "glare". Recently she has struck up a friendship with my neighbor and brings xOP in the car with her for carpooling the children. It's weird and uncomfortable and seems to be escalating. Should I just ignore it? Report it to the police? It's so subtle they may not take it seriously. Has anyone dealt with stalking before?
Reggie Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Did a lot fo criminal defense in my youth. Cops cannot do anything about this. She is doing nothing illegal. Guess it goes with the territory. Some BSs go pretty nuts and neglect to blame their spouse vs the OP. Human nature.
Bryanp Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 You are very lucky that your husband forgave you. If the roles had been reversed and your husband was screwing another woman behind your back for 2 years and putting your health at risk for STD's; do you think you would have been so accepting and forgiving as he?
troubadour Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 She is not doing anything illigal and the cops will not get involved in sorting it out. You have to be prepared that some men will start hitting on you just to see if you really live up to your reputation. It looks that you might have complicated your life a bit... but no one will take the memories of the affair from you.
bentnotbroken Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 What are you going to report her for....giving you the evil eye for sleeping with her H? Or would you report her for her choice of friends? Since you are the one uncomfortable, maybe you should think about moving on.
Lizzie60 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It's been 4 months since I confessed a 2 year affair to H. Told him the whole truth, he was devasted initially but now we're working things thru a day at time. He gave xOP an ultimatum to confess on his own which he did. His W forgave him immediately (so she says her email she circulated in our community), and has turned H and I into the "immoral ones". 5 months later, she's begun to follow me in in her car if she sees me in our small town. She takes pause to give me a "glare". Recently she has struck up a friendship with my neighbor and brings xOP in the car with her for carpooling the children. It's weird and uncomfortable and seems to be escalating. Should I just ignore it? Report it to the police? It's so subtle they may not take it seriously. Has anyone dealt with stalking before? Yes I have.. my last ex's 'ex'. She was psycho... they were divorced though... so I wasn't the OW but the gf. In your case, like you say, it's too subtle.. nothing tangible.. She's an idiot.. and don't worry.. people aren't stupid.. since you live in a small town.. they will see how stupid she acts.. You'll end up having more sympathy from people than she will.. trust me on that one.. In my case, people call her the 'crazy b*tch'.. My advice: ignore her.. don't play her stupid game.. let her be the 'idiot of the town'..
Heroic Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 So you slept with her husband and your upset about the evil eye.......
desertmoon Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 lol...i have a feeling that missing the rest of her post is deliberate...but just in case you really did not get it....it is just more than the just "evil eye"..it is the "following her about town", it is the striking up a friendship with the next door neighbor... OP, you need to be aggressive about this. Stop and take pictures of her following you. It's not going to "do" anything, but it will make her wonder why you are taking pictures of her...If your cell phone is capable of taking videos, videotape her following you and make sure you narrate what is happening.
Lishy Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 It is a lesson not to mess with someone else's man!
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 lol...i have a feeling that missing the rest of her post is deliberate...but just in case you really did not get it....it is just more than the just "evil eye"..it is the "following her about town", it is the striking up a friendship with the next door neighbor... And.......???????????????
angel face Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 if people posted an answer to the Op question rather than the usual venom. If you have nothing to say other than you deserve this start your own thread. Ofgnomore, I would advise you to either ignore or wave at them each time he is in the car. She is flexing her muscles and trying to drive you crazy. If she had been such an amazing wife he would have had no cause to look else where. I personally would ignore it all be smiley and happy and don't worry about other people. Mind your family make your H your number one concern. This will pass. And all the Bs's who want to yell and scream at that remark go ahead. I have been a BS and yeap I wasn't the wife I should have been and I didn't listen to my H's needs because to me they were him just being spoiled and immature. Take your other half for granted and see what happens.
Author OFGnomore Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Yeah, I understand the venom. I was the other 50% in the equation. But xOPs spouse immediately put the blame on me and was making fun of my H's initial reaction to the discovery which was anger and hurt. Now after announcing to the community that they're stronger and in love more than ever. If she had the courage to read the emails my H sent her, she'd realize her H was an aggressive pursuer of the A and I ended it many times and the final time. Also, I confessed to H. H forced his confession to her. So now she starts the stalking months after the disclosure? But maybe the reality of the situation is starting to set in. Who knows? But I wont take 100% of the blame for the situation. I waiver from being annoyed to having compassion for her. I can understand her taking it up with me but when my kids are around or in my car, I get really annoyed.
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Yeah, I understand the venom. I was the other 50% in the equation. But xOPs spouse immediately put the blame on me and was making fun of my H's initial reaction to the discovery which was anger and hurt. Now after announcing to the community that they're stronger and in love more than ever. If she had the courage to read the emails my H sent her, she'd realize her H was an aggressive pursuer of the A and I ended it many times and the final time. Also, I confessed to H. H forced his confession to her. So now she starts the stalking months after the disclosure? But maybe the reality of the situation is starting to set in. Who knows? But I wont take 100% of the blame for the situation. I waiver from being annoyed to having compassion for her. I can understand her taking it up with me but when my kids are around or in my car, I get really annoyed. You are only 50% of the equation, and to be honest do you really know that he isn't catching hell? As a FBS I can tell you with absolute honest, hell would have been a pleasure for him. And no your children shouldn't be exposed to her, just as my children shouldn't have been exposed to the behavior of the ow in my situation. My point is neither of the AP tend to think about the repercussions, who it will affect, in what way they will be affected, yet they expect the injured party to think of those things. It isn't right that your children are in the middle, but do they even know who she is or why you see her. Do they see her and ask you questions or is this just your irritation at what she is doing? Take care of your children, but except the fact that even though you don't like it, she is entirely within her right to be angry and as long as she doesn't engage you, follow you.
Lishy Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I think the OP should have been thinking of how her children would be affected when she was romping with a man who was not her husband but someone else's! It is a bit late to think of the children now isnt it?
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 if people posted an answer to the Op question rather than the usual venom. If you have nothing to say other than you deserve this start your own thread. Ofgnomore, I would advise you to either ignore or wave at them each time he is in the car. She is flexing her muscles and trying to drive you crazy. If she had been such an amazing wife he would have had no cause to look else where. I personally would ignore it all be smiley and happy and don't worry about other people. Mind your family make your H your number one concern. This will pass. And all the Bs's who want to yell and scream at that remark go ahead. I have been a BS and yeap I wasn't the wife I should have been and I didn't listen to my H's needs because to me they were him just being spoiled and immature. Take your other half for granted and see what happens. No spouse is perfect, the BS or WS. A WS's cheating is about their inability to deal with the problems in a marriage in a responsible, adult, mature manner. It has nothing to do with the BS or what they aren't doing right. If that is the case then everyone should be screwing around, including the BS. Some people recognize that infidelity isn't an answer to a problem, but a whole new set of problems. Try some research with reputable sources, you might be surprised at what you find out.
2sure Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Deserving or not, natural or not...this is a problem. The biggest part of the problem needs to remain in focus: YOUR marriage and recovery. How does your husband feel about this? Is he aware of the "stalking" behavior you are experiencing? What is his take and what does he want you to do? This other man's wife , by her actions, is probably unaware that her behavior is keeping the A and her husband in the forefront of your mind. So, its there in your marriage. As part of recovery you have to handle this together with your husband. She might get bored with it, lose interest and go away. But some people obsess and she might continue.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 It's been 4 months since I confessed a 2 year affair to H. 5 months later, she's begun to follow me in in her car if she sees me in our small town. She takes pause to give me a "glare". Oh no....not a "glare"!!! Recently she has struck up a friendship with my neighbor and brings xOP in the car with her for carpooling the children. It's weird and uncomfortable Too bad. How do you think she feels after you #$%#$# her husband? Should I just ignore it? Report it to the police? Ya, I think you should ignore it and take the uncomfortableness as part of your punishment. She will let it go in time and decide that you aren't worth her time. It's so subtle they may not take it seriously. Exactly. And if you did report it to the police and they asked her about it, boy does that give her a story to tell....."LOL, the woman who screwed my husband called the cops on me....guess she was woman enough to bed my husband, but not woman enough to take a stare down once in a while." And she can carpool with your neighbor if she likes. She can stare you down all she likes. Its not against the law. Has anyone dealt with stalking before? Nope, I've never slept with anyone's woman and never cheated. So no, I've never dealt with stalking before:)
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 She's an idiot OP screws someone elses husband....cheats on her own husband......and the betrayed wife is the idiot? Doesn't surprise me that you take that view.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 So you slept with her husband and your upset about the evil eye....... :lmao: LMFAO!!
In Like Flynn Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I am sure the OM told her you were the aggressor!!! All married cheaters blame the other for being the agressor. Females especially.
OWoman Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 OP, it doesn't surprise me that your xMM's BW is placing all the blame on you. If she faced up to the fact thta her WS was to blame - for whatever proportion - she'd have to admit to herself that either (a) she was choosing to stay M to someone who clearly had dissed her, had chosen to invest in some other R with some other woman, and who had been less invested in the M than she was - or (b) her poor, helpless H had had no choice but to get inolved in the A because he'd been forced by circumstances (a suboptimal M, the enticemnt and excitement of an A) to step outside of the M. The first is an indictment of her H, the second and indictment of her M - both of which imply failings on her part (her judgment in the first case, her role as a W in the second). Since she clearly can't deal with that kind of responsibility, she has to go for possibility © - that he was abducted by aliens, had his brain fried by the anal probe and was acting under orders from the alien mothership. ie, you. Of course this means she'll never be able to recover her M sufficiently, since they'll never be able to face up to the problems that led the A to take hold (wherever they lie) while she's off in cuckooland, but that's their problem, not yours. Your problem is to deal with the impact of her insanity on your family. I've had experience of stalking before - and while I don't know your local laws, I do know that it is something that has been increasing exponentially as a problem, ocasionally with fatal consequences, and so is typically taken seriously by police. Whether or not they can actively DO anything about it now, if she's not actually stepped outside of the law, it's still a good idea to place it on record with the local police station so that if there's any escalation, they have a record. I've found that, in most cases, the mere mention to the offender that you've been in touch with the police is sufficient to get them to reappraise their conduct; but if it doesn't work in your case and the behaviour escalates, you may need to collect evidence to support a RO. Good luck.
Reggie Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 You could report it. Nothing will or should be done at this point. No laws are being broken and it is doubtful it will continue too long or escalate. I'd just suck it up and ignore it. WTF, your concerns are dwarfed by the pain of the BSs. Toughen up. You are not the victim here.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Your problem is to deal with the impact of her insanity on your family. No, her problem is to deal with the impact of her cheating on her family. Her "insanity" is a symptom of her banging her husband and her husband cheating on her. You call it insanity.....I call it being devestated and not thinking rationally...not insanity. this is the kind of devesation and hurt that cheating brings about. But I digress. I wouldn't bother even acknowledging the, in my case, other man. I can say that this wife will probably get bored and the devestation will ease down and she will see the OP as not worthy of her time. but I have to wonder, if I were to be stalking the OM for what a SO did to me.....what do you think I'd be doing at home and how would I be behaving to the person the directly betrayed me?
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I'd just suck it up and ignore it. WTF, your concerns are dwarfed by the pain of the BSs. Toughen up. You are not the victim here. Very well said...
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