wiseup Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I ignored the request. I mean, she has always been very violent towards him (Grabbing his hair, throwing his cellphone at him, throwing the laptop around during fights, etc.). I don't feel comfortable sharing my personal info with her. But the thing is, the emotional affair between him and me are completely over. We haven't had any contact in 2 weeks and a half and the longest we had gone with NC before was 3 days. So this time it's pretty real, at least for me. I have no intention of ever initiating any contact with him. I blocked him on AIM as well. And I am 110% sure that he has made it very clear to her too that it's over between us so that he'd have peace of mind at home. Why would she still feel the need to bother me? After I ignored the request, I can't find her on facebook any more. My friend can't search for her either. So I guess she either blocked me or deactivated her account. She has like 5 friends on it anyways. I just don't understand her behavior. I mean, it is all over. And the adding me and then deactivating stuff? What's that about? Your thoughts?
wildsoul Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I would suppose she added you so that she can see if you're friends with her H or not and/or spy on you. When you ignore a friend request or block someone, they don't get notified. As to taking her profile down (or blocking you, which is more likely) maybe she had a moment of clarity and realized it was crazy to try connecting with you. Perhaps her friends talked her out of it. In any case, it sounds like the right thing for her to do! For you, the 2 weeks time seems like a long while. And only you know your feelings about wanting to end it permanently. But from an outsider's perspective, I can see why she might still be worried. Being cheated on can make even very sane people go crazy. Unless she starts harassing you, I suggest you have a little compassion for her and forgive her intrusion. At least you have the good sense to not be FB friends with either of them!
NoIDidn't Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I would suppose she added you so that she can see if you're friends with her H or not and/or spy on you. When you ignore a friend request or block someone, they don't get notified. As to taking her profile down (or blocking you, which is more likely) maybe she had a moment of clarity and realized it was crazy to try connecting with you. Perhaps her friends talked her out of it. In any case, it sounds like the right thing for her to do! For you, the 2 weeks time seems like a long while. And only you know your feelings about wanting to end it permanently. But from an outsider's perspective, I can see why she might still be worried. Being cheated on can make even very sane people go crazy. Unless she starts harassing you, I suggest you have a little compassion for her and forgive her intrusion. At least you have the good sense to not be FB friends with either of them! Great post, WS. I can't add a thing to differentiate my perspective from yours. ITA.
Awesome84 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I would suppose she added you so that she can see if you're friends with her H or not and/or spy on you. Those are MY thoughts!
JamesM Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. As has been said, she did it to keep an eye on you.
sotired Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Wow that is kind of ballsy. Most people make fake profiles to stalk!
fooled once Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 You were in an affair with HER husband. Are you really surprised she wants to know about you? And like someone else said, it has only been 2 weeks or so. Her marriage is being affected by your actions and her husbands actions. How can you be surprised by her actions? Heck, I have been reading all kinds of posts of OW who are emailing the BS and not able to let go. Image how the BS spouse feels.
DNU1 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Yes, remember you are only 2 weeks NC. He will be in withdrawal for MONTHS! Believe me, being a betrayed spouse and having to fight through your WS withdrawal is very close to the hell experieneced when the affair was going on. The best thing that you can do is to remain in complete NC (no contact) whatsoever. Even with his wife. It's very important that you have absolutely no contact with either of them. Erase them from your life. Don't be surprised if he changes jobs (if you were co-worker) or even moves to another city. He's going to be a mess for quite a while...and will probably try to contact you. Be prepared for that. It is like taking the crack-pipe away from an addict.
SummerLady Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I found this post amusing. I left my husband mainly due to an email realtionship he had with another woman. The woman openly and agressively pursued him, he was not interested in general, he would just use her to get things from her like football tickets, it was pretty pathetic. She was married to but was obsessed with my husband. I would read the emails and she would beg to talk to him or see him and he would say no and such. I was ultimately angry that he would use someone or anyone to get things from and of course that he would betray my trust in general and befriend another woman and keep it a secret. This woman was very unattractive and I mean very and heavy. Very low self esteem and pretty much a loser in general, I know people that know her. I think anyone that would pursue a married man or married woman has serious mental issues. Why do you want someone's sloppy second's?? Why would you take a back seat to anyone?? Not enough confidence to get your own man? The facebook comment is beyond your problems, your problems are much deeper than this issue. Honestly, not sure why his wife gives a crap about you at all. I would dump his ass and dump him off at your front door. Who needs him. Without trust you have nothing. He sounds like a real winner, ugh! Spare me.
OWoman Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 This woman was very unattractive and I mean very and heavy. Very low self esteem and pretty much a loser in general, I know people that know her. I think anyone that would pursue a married man or married woman has serious mental issues. How ironic. Slagging off someone as "very unattractive and I mean very" not only comes across as very unattractive and I mean very, it also betrays very low self esteem and suggests that someone doing that would be a loser in general, with serious mental health issues.
SummerLady Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 How ironic. Slagging off someone as "very unattractive and I mean very" not only comes across as very unattractive and I mean very, it also betrays very low self esteem and suggests that someone doing that would be a loser in general, with serious mental health issues. Correct. If she had high self esteem, she would not be chasing other people's husbands and it was not the first time she did it. Since she was heavy and unattractive this may be the reason for her insecurity and low self esteem. The mental instability showed through her crazy emails and attempts to secure someone that showed her zero interest. Hence she is a loser. Proof is in the pudding...No need to confuse it.
stuckinoz Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 FACEBOOK.........The New wave reason for DIVORCE! I see it coming ~ IF it's not already here
SummerLady Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 well, I think OP did the right thing by not accepting wife as a friend in FB. I have known some OW who are not really people with low self-esteem. Some of them are very confident with themselves that husband gets attracted to them and leaves the wife who, in their case, has a lower self-esteem than OW. Sometimes it's a case-to-case basis, not necessarily OW being a loser. Summerlady, hope you can share more about why you dumped your husband. IMHO, he really wasn't doing anything that would equate to betraying your trust (i'm only basing this on what you have mentioned). Having a secret email relationship with another woman or man is cheating, its another form of cheating and proves the relationship is at best faulty and also proves that the loyalty is not there where it should be, do we remember the word Loyal? I do think he physcially cheated on me but cannot prove this, let's just call it a 6th sense I am pretty intuitive. He discussed things with this person that were very personal and he confided in her, which is dead wrong. He knew I knew this person and he knew I found this person offensive at best. If you knew her you would know what I mean. Anyone that knows me knows I don't play these types of games. He played it and now he is done, if and when he was ever shocked that I divorced him, means he is either stupid or in denial. If you want to play, you gotta pay. His loss totally:) Believe me on this.......
LadyDi Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Maybe this needs its own thread, but in regards to FB, why the games? xMM's W leaves status updates that can only be meant for me. Nooo, I'm not being egotistical either. If I take one of those goofy quiz's on my page, she has it on hers the next day. She gushes on and on about how in love they are, how great life is, etc. ...and yes I know I shouldn't look, but I am curious to see how they are doing. I suppose that breaks NC, except with no contact. I don't leave cryptic messages on mine. I rarely update my status, but she seems to covertly respond to everything she see's on my page. Is that just a way to deal with it all? I am NOT trying to start crap here with the BS, I'm just asking. FB seems to be a bad thing after all.....
Athena Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Is that just a way to deal with it all? I am NOT trying to start crap here with the BS, I'm just asking. FB seems to be a bad thing after all..... Just quit looking on her FB page! As for me -- I closed my FB account a few weeks ago!
jj33 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Do she is obviously still threatened by you and is checking up. Not surprising really. And so long as she is not posting on your page dont worry about it. After all if her life was so rosy she wouldnt be doing this. Hang in there it sounds like you are doing well with NC.
OWoman Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Maybe this needs its own thread, but in regards to FB, why the games? xMM's W leaves status updates that can only be meant for me. Nooo, I'm not being egotistical either. If I take one of those goofy quiz's on my page, she has it on hers the next day. She gushes on and on about how in love they are, how great life is, etc. She's clearly still in competition with you - she doesn't feel she's "won" yet. I'd guess her insecurity stems from a real fear that her H will wake up one day and realise he's with the wrong woman (her) and go for the one he left behind (you) instead, so she needs the world (if only on FB, and in her own little mind) to see that she really really really is the better option... so that she can chill and regain the assurance she once had that she was The One. Either it will pass and she'll get over herself, or it won't and her M will fall apart because she's more concerned about you than about making things work with her H. I'd just ignore it - trips to the loony bin were entertaining back in the 19th century but these days we have Woody Allen movies for that.
Owl Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I'd say that it's a little bit of all of that. She's keeping an eye on you. Knowing what you're up to, what you're posting, etc... it all makes her feel better NOT seeing any indications that you're still pursuing her husband. She's also trying to tell you that things are good between her and him..."how in love they are"...so that she's making it clear that they're rebuilding their marriage. It's another way of reassuring herself. She very likely is "lashing out" at you somewhat as well. When you consider the pain she's likely gone through as a result of this affair...none of this should be all that surprising. All I could suggest for you would be to request to have her blocked from your site if it escalates, or gets to a point where you can't take it anymore.
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