Mahatma Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I am going to be getting an apartment next year and was contemplating the idea of my girlfriend living with me. However, I realize that if we were to break up, it wouldn't be very good. I do not see us breaking up any time soon, but I don't think many people contemplate breaking up right before they get an apartment together. I do not need to get a roommate, but it would save me a whole lot of money to get a roommate. We have spent entire weekends with eachother and we have never been through a rough patch. Anyways... good or bad idea?
laRubiaBonita Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 i quote cyndi lauper "money... money changes everything" proceed with caution- and a back up plan.
Author Mahatma Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 i quote cyndi lauper "money... money changes everything" proceed with caution- and a back up plan. I would not be doing it for the money. Let me make that totally clear. I was just saying I do not NEED a roommate, but rooming with her would be wonderful.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 you will be dealing with rent which = money. buying groceries= money household expenses= money i am not trying to say you need money.... but when you cohabitate things get different
bluechocolate Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 As you're not getting this apartment until next year you have plenty of time to think about it. I would wait until you're ready to start actively looking for a place & then broach the subject with her so you can look for a place together. Depending of course on if she wants to live with you. Are you prepared for her saying no or not now ?
Peaceandlove Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 do you think she'll want to move in with you? maybe she's really independent and would not like to give that up- better ask her first it seems that you're really keen on her moving in with you- it's definitely a very important step in a relationship and gives you a chance of reeeally getting to know the other person
Lizzie60 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Well... if money is not the issue.. why not get the apartment (you be the only one on the lease) and 'try-out' for a couple of months.. see how it goes first. Don't sign the lease with her... if it doesn't work out. then it could be a hassle. Weekends don't count as 'try-out'...
Author Mahatma Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 As you're not getting this apartment until next year you have plenty of time to think about it. I would wait until you're ready to start actively looking for a place & then broach the subject with her so you can look for a place together. Depending of course on if she wants to live with you. Are you prepared for her saying no or not now ? I was prepared with her to say no, but she is fine with the idea. Her parents, however, may not be since they would probably be paying her rent. Since you would probably ask, we are both 19 and going to be sophomores in college. Well... if money is not the issue.. why not get the apartment (you be the only one on the lease) and 'try-out' for a couple of months.. see how it goes first. Don't sign the lease with her... if it doesn't work out. then it could be a hassle. Weekends don't count as 'try-out'... I would need to sign the lease with her. We definitely need two rooms, should we break up and need to just be roommates. We could have a one bedroom, but if we broke up, I would probably need to start living at home and let her keep the apartment. I agree that the weekends are not decent enough to know for sure, but at some time we gotta find out. do you think she'll want to move in with you? maybe she's really independent and would not like to give that up- better ask her first it seems that you're really keen on her moving in with you- it's definitely a very important step in a relationship and gives you a chance of reeeally getting to know the other person She does want to, but I want to be sure it is a good decision. you will be dealing with rent which = money. buying groceries= money household expenses= money i am not trying to say you need money.... but when you cohabitate things get different I understand, but at some point you gotta find out. ------------------------------------- I plan on getting two bedrooms and having us both on the lease I could also get a one bedroom, and then move out and let her keep the place should we break up. Or let her move out if she wanted.
Author Mahatma Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 By the way, when I said "next year" I meant next school year as in August of 09. By this time, we will have been dating for a year and three months
bluechocolate Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ah - okay so you've already established that she is willing to move in with you. I think having both your names on the lease is important if what you're doing is establishing your relationship rather than just rooming together. And the two bedrooms is a good idea too, although breaking up & remaining amicable enough with each other to be roommates might be a bit 'pie in the sky'. Now havig said that - does sophomore mean you're just starting college ? If so then I change my opinion & say wait until you've both been through a year of college & then revisit the idea. Her parents, however, may not be since they would probably be paying her rent. Anyway the entire thing may be moot if her parents don't want to pay her rent so she can shack up with her boyfriend while at college. I'm not sure many parents would to be honest.
Author Mahatma Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Anyway the entire thing may be moot if her parents don't want to pay her rent so she can shack up with her boyfriend while at college. I'm not sure many parents would to be honest. No, we are both going to be in our second year of college. Her parents know we have sex, allow us to have sex in their house, allow me to sleep over, and allow her to sleep over at my house. Her dad is likely to be for it, her mother likely to be not.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It is extremely difficult to live with an ex, and really not healthy -- it doesn't let you move on properly -- so I would say you need to have a contingency plan in case that happens, one that does not involve living together. Also, moving in usually lets you find out pretty quickly whether you want to stay together or not, and that's for better or worse, of course. Spending weekends together is really not the same as living together. It's easy to show your better side on weekends only, but when you live together, EVERYTHING comes out. You have till next year, so I'd wait till it gets closer and see how things go and how you feel between now and then.
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Moving in together should always be a conscious "step" in the relationship. To require her to sign the lease and decide on 2 bedrooms based on the concern of what you'd do if you broke up, tells me you're not ready to be living together. You shouldn't be planning on this sort of contingency plan.
bluechocolate Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Her parents know we have sex, allow us to have sex in their house, allow me to sleep over, and allow her to sleep over at my house. That may be but I think there is a small world of difference between that & her parents paying her rent so she can live with you while she was at college - especially if she can commute to college from their home, where she is presumably living now. But who knows ? Maybe they won't mind at all. Knowing more now I would say that if she can't afford to pay her way & you can't afford to support her then she really isn't ready to be making these kinds of decisions yet because fundamentally it isn't her decision, is it ?
Author Mahatma Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Her parents know we have sex, allow us to have sex in their house, allow me to sleep over, and allow her to sleep over at my house. That may be but I think there is a small world of difference between that & her parents paying her rent so she can live with you while she was at college - especially if she can commute to college from their home, where she is presumably living now. But who knows ? Maybe they won't mind at all. Knowing more now I would say that if she can't afford to pay her way & you can't afford to support her then she really isn't ready to be making these kinds of decisions yet because fundamentally it isn't her decision, is it ? She will be living in an apartment no matter what. Whether it is an apartment with me, or with someone else is the decision at the moment. The same is for me. I will be living in an apartment no matter what... whether or not it is with her is what I am thinking about at the moment.
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