torn up inside

[playlislay]

Hey loveshackers!

This is my first thread (go me!) and Im in need of some support.

 

Brief history: I broke up with C on xmas day due to trust issues, realised Id made a HUGE mistake as he really is (Or was) the love of my life and wanted to get back. Due to me pushing him away too much (he cheated in the first two months of us being together-loooong story to be saved for another thread) and him always making out as if he understood, loved me, didnt hurt him etc, he said that he couldnt take it anymore and us splitting up was a good idea.

 

I tried my very best to get him back as I know how special he is and what a doting couple we are, but it was too late. Yes, Im angry for him making out that pushing him away was ok and feel that if I knew I was hurting him or going to lose him, that I wouldnt have acted like such a selfish, immature b*tch. Anyhow, it was too late, he is VERY stubborn and once he has made his mind up then that was it. done.

 

He went full NC and closure wasnt really gained ( I have been in and out of depression over this flamming man and it hurts to know that Ive lost him due to my actions. All we needed was some work on communication and my trust.

 

I hadnt seen him for three months until last week, when I was at my uncles (he does handy work around the house). I thought he would ignore me or be akward, but he seemed really cheeky and flirty. It was like we had never been apart. We connect, click, what ever you call it. I could see/feel it and Im sure he could too. He ended up lingering around instead of working to talk to me (I secretly did the same). We didnt talk about 'us', just general chit chat, but the spark between us was amazing.

 

My problem is that I was meant to be going up to my uncles this thursday and I was kind of hoping to see him again at the expense of setting myself back a million steps, but I cant as I am working. Its made me so adgitated, restless and worried at the thought that I missing out on his company. I bloody miss him so much and Im sure (although I cant be certain) that he felt the same. I suppose if he missed me that much then he would have called, but on the other hand he is a wimp-cant face up to his problems and seems to want to stick to his word and live up to his 'stubborness'. Blah blah blah.

 

The spark between us is IMMENSE and I guess Im angry and upset at him for not letting us try again. I just dont understand why he wont let me learn from my mistakes?!!!! Stubborn flamming men!!!

 

Some support is much needed loveshackers. Tell me that I dont need him and that I can get a better man than him. Anything to help relieve this scared and worried feeling.

 

Thank woo

[UCLAMike]

I just don't see how his cheating twice is for another thread and another reason. That's a deal breaker... Have more respect for yourself. If anyone should be having patience and begging, it should be him not you.