colosseum Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 So I've been talking with this girl: bubbly, cute, kind, and really smart--a lot of things I could ask for. I like her a lot, and she likes me too. The thing is that she's Catholic. I have nothing against Catholics, but she's the goody-goody Catholic, not the stereotypically sex-crazed Catholic. She's young and says she's never kissed anyone before. I thusly wouldn't be surprised if she isn't happy with contraception and pre-marital sex. I do enjoy her company and like her a lot, but I'm also not looking to get married, much less make babies. We haven't spent a lot of time with each other yet, so how should I approach this? For her, I don't want to string her along and hurt her because she's such a nice girl. For me, I don't want to set myself up for something that's ultimately not going to happen. But I do like her, and I know she likes me too. I also don't want to preemptively mess with anything by unnecessarily bringing up such matters too soon. What should I do? Thoughts, comments, advice? Especially anyone Catholic and/or dealt with religious matters in relationships. All comments welcome. Thank you, LSers!
quankanne Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 so basically you're saying, the relationship is a wash at this point because you *know* she isn't gonna put out, being catholic and all? honey, you have no idea about us Catholic girls!
Author colosseum Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 See I don't "know." I don't want it to be "a wash" because I really like her; I don't even know if it IS going to be a "wash". You're right, I don't know anything about Catholics. I only know stereotypes, and that's all I'm working with, and I know that's bad. That's why I'm asking for advice. Please, anyone who can speak on this, I would be really grateful; I need to learn.
pollywag Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 There isn't much to know really. The idea is that as a devout Catholic you will make it to marriage as a virgin. Now what that means from woman to woman is very different. I knew Catholic girls growing up and having gone to private schools all my life, to do everything but intercourse when it came to to sex. But it is very individual from person to person. A girl might stick to her beliefs or forsake abstinence if she so decides. It's hard to say. BUT as far as the religion goes the idea is, you are to be a virgin until marriage. Don't be so focused on sex, get to know her spend some quality time with her and grow to make decisions together, see where it takes you. You can get sex any time, but something special is hard to come by. If it eventually gets too frustrating you can decide then what to do. Sex is good if you have a good solid connection, build a connection everything else will fall into place naturally.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Good gracious, is this all you can think of? I am thinking from your post that you are basically saying - "she is a virgin, she seems to want to remain a virgin, is there any way I can get her to change her mind, because I would like sex with her." Do not press your advantage. If you really like her and respect her, you will be able to wait. If you do not see a long-term relationship with her, and empathy for her beliefs, it would be best you end the relationship now. If she is serious and devout, and seems intent on keeping her chastity, you should respect this and encourage her, not try to find out whether we think you have any chances with her.... You will have to understand that her faith is very strong and very important. And if you do anything to contardict them, or try to get her to relax them, this will make her angry and even more resistant.....
Author colosseum Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Good gracious, is this all you can think of? I am thinking from your post that you are basically saying - "she is a virgin, she seems to want to remain a virgin, is there any way I can get her to change her mind, because I would like sex with her." Do not press your advantage. If you really like her and respect her, you will be able to wait. If you do not see a long-term relationship with her, and empathy for her beliefs, it would be best you end the relationship now. If she is serious and devout, and seems intent on keeping her chastity, you should respect this and encourage her, not try to find out whether we think you have any chances with her.... You will have to understand that her faith is very strong and very important. And if you do anything to contardict them, or try to get her to relax them, this will make her angry and even more resistant..... Thanks for the advice, but to answer your question, the answer is no, that's not all I can think of. I guess that's the nature of posting anonymously, but I'm not going around just seeking sexual pleasure, and it would be nice not to be judged as such. Although I accept that my post didn't best articulate my feelings and thoughts, and in essence, had it coming. I really like this girl and am really happy when I'm with her, and it's so nice to know that she reciprocates in many such ways. I'm just uncertain and questioning the future is all. Thanks for the help though. Other thoughts would be nice...though I guess I'll have to accept judgments as well.
Mahatma Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I was once in a similar bind as you. My current woman was very religious when I met her, but she had at least kissed a boy before. She wished to remain a virgin until marriage, and this included oral sex too. I wouldn't marry someone until I had sex with them and knew what they were like sexually; Do they do oral sex, what kind of sex do they like? are they willing to do new things? are they open about what they want? Many of those questions can be answered by just asking her and talking about sex. However, some of them require the experience with that person. All of this, however, did not stop me from having a relationship with this girl. It was a little hard though because I knew if things continued the way they were that I would eventually break up with her because we were simply incompatible (I wont marry til sex, she wont have sex til marriage). I put the sex aside and just decided to go along with the relationship and things have worked out wondrously. I hope you can experience the same as I have.
Enema Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I think every religious persons interpretation of what they're allowed to do, and what they will do is different. The only way you'll know for sure is to have a serious talk with her about her feelings on all this junk. Better to get it out of the way now in no uncertain terms rather than waste time dancing around the subject or being lead on by c-teasing like in a couple other threads we've seen.
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Thanks for the advice, but to answer your question, the answer is no, that's not all I can think of. I guess that's the nature of posting anonymously, but I'm not going around just seeking sexual pleasure, and it would be nice not to be judged as such. Although I accept that my post didn't best articulate my feelings and thoughts, and in essence, had it coming. I really like this girl and am really happy when I'm with her, and it's so nice to know that she reciprocates in many such ways. I'm just uncertain and questioning the future is all. Thanks for the help though. Other thoughts would be nice...though I guess I'll have to accept judgments as well. Please know there was no judgment or criticism intended. I just misunderstood your communication. I apologise if my words were unskilful, but I meant only to help. Writing on a forum is not always easy, is it? I wish you well, and hope you can resolve the problem. _/l\_
Author colosseum Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 Thanks for the comments. Just saw her a couple hours ago just very briefly, and I wonder if she's actually interested; she was her usual really nice self, but I can't tell if it's because she's interested but shy, or if she really just wants to be friends. *sigh* Women, regardless of religion, are so confusing. Just my 2 cents.
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Well, maybe you need to ask her how she would feel like dating you.... see what she says: And if the subject arises, you can reassure her then, that this is not an issue as far as you are concerned. If things become difficult you will discuss it, but you do not wish her to do something she would be unhappy with, at all......
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