Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ok, so I've been in an FWB thing since Dec. I've also been on several dates with several men in that time. (Hey, I need to keep my options open, yanno?) Seems like I've been attracting the sensitive, romantic types...I've always been a sap at heart, an up until now, have never had any sort of romance in my life..So these few random dates have totally played the part of storybook princes...Not holding back on gushy compliments, bringing me flowers, writing me songs...Cute stuff like that..Last week, I ended up locking my keys in the car. I was on the phone with the most recent date of mine, and mentioned my quandary, to which he replied "Aww...I'm sorry, but you're still beautiful." No offer to help, not even an "I wish I could help you." from him...That kinda peeved me so I responded "That's sweet, but being beautiful can't open my effing car." He chuckled and told me I was cute. (at that point, I wanted to vomit...) So, in the middle of all this, my FWB texts to see what I'm up to...I explain my nasty situation, and he says he's gonna try and get someone from the local FD (where he used to work) to come help me. AWESOME! He calls back a few min later and says he's commin up to help me...So here comes my night an shining armor...going out of his way at 11pm, driving quite a distance from his home to the FD to get tools, then driving even FURTHER to come help slim jim the car..(he did it like a pro...unlocked my **** in like five seconds) I told him a couple times not to worry about it...I'd just call my folks and either get the car towed home, or have them call a locksmith...He insisted on helping. It totally blew me away more than all the flowers and the songs in the world could....and I'm kinda shocked by how impressed I actually am! So I guess my question would be, would practicality or romance impress you more when involved in something with someone? Like, am I a retard for thinking that his gesture was completely awesome? My friend that was with me swears that he sees me as more than just some booty...I try not to think that way, in order not to get my hopes up, or scare him off... But seriously, I feel weird that I was so blown away by that..Maybe even moreso that he seemed really happy to help me. It's kinda got me all giggly inside, lol.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 No, I don't think your strange at all that his actions of helping you were more endearing them just getting flowers. Honestly, I am more touched when a man makes an effort to do something for me then just buying me something. Your guy acted like a man and stepped up to the plate. The other douche bag thought a few kinds words should impress you. He really went up and beyond and it shows that he is a stand up guy. Was your friend a girl or guy that said that to you?
donnamaybe Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 No, what he did was awesome, and you're awesome for appreciating it so! What a sweet and TALENTED guy!
loser101 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 it sounds to me that you have feelings for your 'FWB' and you should definitely find out where you stand
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 My friend that said that is one of my best GF's...She's one of the only ones who knows what's goin on between us..And she's been on that kick for awhile...Swears that we wouldn't still be hooking up after four months if there was no sort of feeling...Personally, I think it's just a rebound...But things like this make me wonder..
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 it sounds to me that you have feelings for your 'FWB' and you should definitely find out where you stand Having the "where do we stand" conversation is not an option..at least for me. I'm enjoying what's going on right now, and don't want to jeopardize it in any way. Although I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about dating him..
KeastoGirl Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It was awesome, and you owe him a proper thank you.
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 It was awesome, and you owe him a proper thank you. Oh I thanked him quite well that evening...hehe.
fishtaco Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I read about this "love languages" thing. It made sense to me, but I don't know if people think it's real or just trashy pop psychology. Basically every one is "impressed" by different things. Some people would respond more to the flowers and words. Some people would respond more to the practical "let me do this for you" things. Some people would respond more to physical affection... etc. And people tend to only show it in their own way too. So a woman that likes to receive romantic notes will give them. But the man may not appreciate it and may not reciprocate it if it's not his "love language". Something like that. Also, if I just went on only a couple of dates with a woman, I won't feel the urge to go out of my way to help her. I guess I would show a bit more concern than that guy did, but I would assume everyone is an adult and is fully capable of taking care of themselves. Which I understand you weren't looking for help, but probably more of just some concern. But hey, casual means casual. You even said you're dating a bunch of other men, which BTW, is the right way to date. So assuming everyone is casual, then why should anyone do anything that's more than casual? FWB on the other hand, is your friend - hence FWB. Otherwise he would be a f**k buddy, and then you shouldn't associate with each other except for sex. He's just being a friend. I'd do the same for my friends too, men, women, whatever. I don't know how to slim jim car doors, but I've spent many weekends helping friends move for example. But they HAVE to be my friends first. I don't hand out friendship like flyers to strip clubs.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Actions over words but since his words still don't coincide with his actions, you don't have any forward momentum to go from an FWB to a relationship. As for the action, I adore men who are willing to help, with that natural courtesy. It always bowls me over.
Jaytb Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ok, so knowing how to jack a car= useful knowledge? Ok, better learn to pick locks too so I can break into her apartment.... I mean help her get in when she's locked out.
a4a Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 pop a lock fire dude is the winner. lose the cheese ball with the flowers and BS love songs. now send me a guy that is willing to scoop dog poop out my yard and I will have found my dream dude.
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Also, if I just went on only a couple of dates with a woman, I won't feel the urge to go out of my way to help her. I guess I would show a bit more concern than that guy did, but I would assume everyone is an adult and is fully capable of taking care of themselves. Well i've only been on one date with this one, and the entire night he kept saying things like "I wanna make you mine" and "i'll wait forever cos you're worth it.." Sappy stuff like that...I mean if you feel that way, you should offer to move effin mountains to help...IMO...But that's me...I don't think like most of the gen pop. FWB on the other hand, is your friend - hence FWB. Otherwise he would be a f**k buddy, and then you shouldn't associate with each other except for sex. He's just being a friend. I'd do the same for my friends too, men, women, whatever. I don't know how to slim jim car doors, but I've spent many weekends helping friends move for example. But they HAVE to be my friends first. I don't hand out friendship like flyers to strip clubs. We're not really friends...we don't hang out alot...we're co-workers. And the only time we do hang out is when we're hookin up...We don't go on dates and crap like that...so FWB would be the wrong term I guess...we are **** buddies....he's done some things that would make me question that though...thoughtful things that you wouldn't normally expect from a FB...
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 pop a lock fire dude is the winner. lose the cheese ball with the flowers and BS love songs. now send me a guy that is willing to scoop dog poop out my yard and I will have found my dream dude. I agree! Yanno, I always thought I'd dig the romantic types...But it always feels like BS to me...Fake and unoriginal, if you will. Writing a song is cute, but going out of your way for someone is admirable.
a4a Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I agree! Yanno, I always thought I'd dig the romantic types...But it always feels like BS to me...Fake and unoriginal, if you will. Writing a song is cute, but going out of your way for someone is admirable. It is not romantic when you are SOL with your keys locked in your car and some chump can only splurt out - youre pretty -- whatever.... that is not romance that is retardation. "oh no what can I do to help?" would have been more romantic. Just remember when he has a problem to be sure to tell him - oh geeze you are good looking----- chump chump chump.
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 It is not romantic when you are SOL with your keys locked in your car and some chump can only splurt out - youre pretty -- whatever.... that is not romance that is retardation. "oh no what can I do to help?" would have been more romantic. Just remember when he has a problem to be sure to tell him - oh geeze you are good looking----- chump chump chump. HAHA! for real! I mean, I was cheezed that he didn't even offer...even if he couldn't do anything, he coulda said "I wish I could help.." or SOMETHING... Funny how my no strings thing offers me more security and less drama than anything else I've been involved in lately...And to ice the cake, he was still married when we started hookin up...Tell me how messed up is that?
fishtaco Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Well i've only been on one date with this one, and the entire night he kept saying things like "I wanna make you mine" and "i'll wait forever cos you're worth it.." Sappy stuff like that...I mean if you feel that way, you should offer to move effin mountains to help...IMO...But that's me...I don't think like most of the gen pop. Oh, he's a talker then. Did he say it with a Spanish accent? Is he a Latin dance instructor? Perhaps French accent? He is an artist? Just kidding. Although flowery words do work. That's his style I guess. We're not really friends...we don't hang out alot...we're co-workers. And the only time we do hang out is when we're hookin up...We don't go on dates and crap like that...so FWB would be the wrong term I guess...we are **** buddies....he's done some things that would make me question that though...thoughtful things that you wouldn't normally expect from a FB... Oh, then he's definitely doing more than he's required to do. Be careful. f-buddies are fun, but are also very unstable. The fact he's a co-worker makes it worse. Also, some men are willing to go as far as getting married just so they can have sex, unlocking your door is nothing in comparison. So while I don't want down play what your FB did for you. It's probably best if you don't read too much into it. If the flower guy did the same for you, he wouldn't have gotten the same type of thanks. So I think everyone did the right thing, other than flower guy should have showed a bit more concern instead of keep spewing out "you're hawt" phrases. There's a time and place for that. And it was the wrong time and place.
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Yeah Fish, I been keeping a clear head pretty well about it...He's fresh out of a marriage and hellacious divorce, so I've had the "I'm the rebound" mindset from the get-go. He's done all the initiating and all that fun stuff...I'm kinda just along for the ride...havin as good of a time as I can...It's only human of me to want a lil more, and read into things at times, tho...Things can get unlike any other FB/FWB I've had...But maybe I just have a real man here and not a sex crazed boy.
Author Wicked Child Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 And I just hafta add, that he stalks my Facebook like crazy...Or so it seems...I do those stupid little quizzes and stuff...post notes...and if I happen to bring up something from one of those quizzes or notes, he's always like "I know..I read your facebook." Really?! Are you sure you are just screwing me? But jeez, I def don't wanna have that talk..
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 My friend that said that is one of my best GF's...She's one of the only ones who knows what's goin on between us..And she's been on that kick for awhile...Swears that we wouldn't still be hooking up after four months if there was no sort of feeling...Personally, I think it's just a rebound...But things like this make me wonder.. Naw, I'd do that for a booty call too. I don't see anything special here. On the other hand if it was someone I just dated, nothing physical... I can't say I would make a really big effort.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I would consider the action more romantic than the words. Definitely more impressed with that.
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