Donovan Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 This thread is ridiculous. If it takes a stamp of being married to someone else to make them someone worth sleeping with, there's some screws loose! You're either invested or you're not, unless cheap thrills are your thing... i fully agree. some people just have no remorse and these very things happen to them later in life as they act as if it's not deserving. i think i was involved with a chick that's engaged once in my life. there was this girl i was sleeping with and after a few months, i asked her friend where she was, she told me she had got married and moved away. now i'm thinking, noone meets a person and gets married that quick if they weren't already involved with them for some time and still to this day that haunts me if i've ever helped someone's fiance cheat on them. i'm not the type of person.
Lizzie60 Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 This is to simplistic of a statement, for either side. I guess it would apply if sex is all the MP was looking for. But most of the women responding here are in love or were in love with the MP. The sex grew out of mutual attraction - not so much because the MP claimed to not be getting any. I can see it now. A MM propositioning an OW with "would you have sex with me, because my wife won't". LOL. I see a rejection in their future. I was referring to MMs here.. I know that married women are not looking for sex.. like men do...
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 15, 2009 Author Posted April 15, 2009 OP: In response to your question, I have found that men that have been married previously are better lovers. They realize that their are actually 2 people who should receive pleasure. They are not as selfish as single men who have never been married. Interesting statement.
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I haven't seen a difference between single men and my one XMM. I did see a difference based on men's ages. The older they were, the better lovers they were, in general.
GreenEyedLady Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I haven't seen a difference between single men and my one XMM. I did see a difference based on men's ages. The older they were, the better lovers they were, in general. The older they are, the more willing they are to experiment.
OWoman Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 The times I was involved with 'involved' men were some of the most passionate, wild sex sessions that I have had. It makes sense really. They are trying to overcompensate for what they don't otherwise get (or at the very least get in the same way they had it with me), and the danger adds an edge. It becomes primal when you separate all the emotional stuff from the sexual stuff. Agree in general, but... That wasnt my experience at all. I saw him under all sorts of circumstances and vice versa. It wasnt best behavior and he wasnt all neat and tidy all the time and neither was I. That was part of the charm. We both spend so much of our lives being "on" that it was nice to be able to just relax around when we were together. Half the time we were both exhausted or running from one place to another all day and by the time the evening came we just wanted to do nothing and hang out and talk. Yes we did have sex and it was great for the most part but that wasnt the focus of the relationship. I wouldnt say it was better than sex with single men on a purely physical level. I dont get really close to a lot of people and there was an emotional closeness between us that I have never experienced with anyone else before that made it better. But it wasnt that rip your clothes off primal abandonment that I have experienced with certain single men. Maybe we are just old? ...with my H that was an added dimension. Aside from all the primal, lurve-free stuff that we had established in the early days, we also established a really deep emotional closeness that added yet another layer of connection. The primal edginess is still there, we can have the most intense, raw physical sex - or the most delicate, heart-melting lovemaking, depending on our moods and needs at the time. And often moving and shifting between them, at a heartbeat. I haven't seen a difference between single men and my one XMM. I did see a difference based on men's ages. The older they were, the better lovers they were, in general. Agree with this, too - as far as my experience extends. I've never shagged someone of my father's age, say - and I imagine that, physically, there are limitations to how long hot passionate sex is consequence free. I wouldn't like to land my lover in frail care or have a nurse bust in on us because his pacemaker was sending distress signals! OP: In response to your question, I have found that men that have been married previously are better lovers. They realize that their are actually 2 people who should receive pleasure. They are not as selfish as single men who have never been married. Agree with this too, in general - though of course there are those D men who bear the scars of their failed Ms who are sexually damaged because their toxic Ws destroyed their confidence as a lover, or was so tediously boring that they've been aversion-programmed off anythingbut vanilla, or the depression from the M / D has left them long-term dependent on drugs with disappointing side effects And there is NOTHING worse than a guy whose idea of pillow talk is telling you how great you are, compared to his toxic xW
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 If anyone got an 'emotional connection' anywhere within a mile of me during those days, they would automatically be put in the 'hit it and quit it' file. I was always one of those types who separated sex from love, particularly in affair situations.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 She thought that there would have been a future between the two of them, that the relationship would have continued. It's just sad that she wasn't good enough for him in the end. I know how that feels. These kinds of statements drive me crazy. People that intentionally put themselves in harms way by engaging in emotionally risky behavior are deluding themselves if they don't realize the potential pain. You don't have to be Carnac to see how things will usually turn out... Mr. Lucky
NoIDidn't Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 These kinds of statements drive me crazy. People that intentionally put themselves in harms way by engaging in emotionally risky behavior are deluding themselves if they don't realize the potential pain. You don't have to be Carnac to see how things will usually turn out... Mr. Lucky I agree with frustration with statements like that but not for the reason you state. I just don't know why it comes down to feeling "not good enough". It was never about being good or bad. It was about being willing and able. MPs initiate most affairs based on their desires, not on whether or not the OP is good enough or not. I guess some BSs feel that way as well though. The "not good enough" thing. It angers me when they say it too. It reveals a level of insecurity on the part of the person saying/thinking that.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I just don't know why it comes down to feeling "not good enough". It was never about being good or bad. It was about being willing and able. MPs initiate most affairs based on their desires, not on whether or not the OP is good enough or not. I agree with what you say. I'm surprised by how unique and special most OW/M seem to feel when the WS is often just looking for someone - and in some cases, almost any someone - to meet their emotional and/or sexual needs... Mr. Lucky
desertmoon Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Quote: Originally Posted by MeaganRaye She thought that there would have been a future between the two of them, that the relationship would have continued. It's just sad that she wasn't good enough for him in the end. I know how that feels. These kinds of statements drive me crazy. People that intentionally put themselves in harms way by engaging in emotionally risky behavior are deluding themselves if they don't realize the potential pain. You don't have to be Carnac to see how things will usually turn out... Me, too...statements like these drive me nuts, too:laugh:! Anytime you are at the mercy of another person's emotional moods, you put yourself in something that could potentially be devastating to you--emotionally! Whether it is an affair or marriage-we all think the our lives with the person we have chosen will be rosy and happy and loving. The trick I guess, is to be realistic about relationships....emotions change, people change.. it is not because YOU are not good enough...
herenow Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I agree with frustration with statements like that but not for the reason you state. I just don't know why it comes down to feeling "not good enough". It was never about being good or bad. It was about being willing and able. MPs initiate most affairs based on their desires, not on whether or not the OP is good enough or not. I guess some BSs feel that way as well though. The "not good enough" thing. It angers me when they say it too. It reveals a level of insecurity on the part of the person saying/thinking that. The thing is, if a person isn't "good enough" for themselves, then they will never be "good enough" for anyone else. The only way I was able to reconcile with my H was to separate from him first and have the confidence that life would be just fine without him. Before I could let him back in my life, I needed to know that it wasn't because of my own insecurities or fears. It's very liberating knowing that I can depend on myself for my own happiness.
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