MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Do you find that they are better and more experienced than SGs?
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 No, just a lot more grateful and appreciative. Be more detailed..are you saying usually they are like this because they don't get it that often?
wildsoul Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Do you find that they are better and more experienced than SGs? I only dated one MM, but if anything, he was LESS experienced. He'd been married for 16 years and having sex with just his W (as far as I know.) Single men have more partners, so that gives a broader base of experience. Learning to adapt to different partners teaches men more about how women work, than being with just one. And then some men are more sexually curious and interested in gaining experience, compared with others that like more of a routine. What made the sex better with xMM and me was our particular chemistry (intensified by our both having been in sexless marriages.) It's rare to find a perfect sexual/romantic match. I had that with him. But I've also had it before with a single guy (who turned into an 8-year boyfriend of mine.) I'm hoping I'll find that chemistry with someone else again. MM are not an option.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I only dated one MM, but if anything, he was LESS experienced. He'd been married for 16 years and having sex with just his W (as far as I know.) Single men have more partners, so that gives a broader base of experience. Learning to adapt to different partners teaches men more about how women work, than being with just one. And then some men are more sexually curious and interested in gaining experience, compared with others that like more of a routine. What made the sex better with xMM and me was our particular chemistry (intensified by our both having been in sexless marriages.) It's rare to find a perfect sexual/romantic match. I had that with him. But I've also had it before with a single guy (who turned into an 8-year boyfriend of mine.) I'm hoping I'll find that chemistry with someone else again. MM are not an option. Good feedback. I know i've heard women say that MM are freakier and more experienced because if you are in a marriage you are more likely to try more risque things to keep the passion and excitement in the relationship. I would think that if anyone found sex with EVERY MM better than sex with EVER SG, it was all in their head, meaning they THOUGHT it was better simply because it was risky. That could be why too. You get off on knowing you are doing something you have no business doing
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I would think that if anyone found sex with EVERY MM better than sex with EVER SG, it was all in their head, meaning they THOUGHT it was better simply because it was risky. This is something that we discussed in MC after my H's affair. Contrary to the comment from MeaganRaye, I was having more sex with my H than the OW was. Simply because he lived with me, slept in the same bed and we were married, so we had sex. We had more opportunity to have sex than my H had with the OW, so naturally we had it more often. I'm sure that isn't what he told the OW, but the truth is, we never stopped having sex before or during the affair. Now, after d-day, I kicked him out, and wasn't available for sex. The OW offered it up after d-day. He declined and ended the affair. At that point, when he was faced with the reality that our marriage was in danger, sex (or anything) with the OW was no longer something he wanted. The amount and quality of the sex wasn't what made the affair sex exiting. It was the risk of doing something in secret. It wasn't even about who he was having sex with. Just so happened that his OW was willing to have sex with a MM. To answer the question: Yes, I believe sex with a MM is much better than sex with a SG because of the fact that I am married to him and sex has always been great with my H.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 This is something that we discussed in MC after my H's affair. Contrary to the comment from MeaganRaye, I was having more sex with my H than the OW was. Simply because he lived with me, slept in the same bed and we were married, so we had sex. We had more opportunity to have sex than my H had with the OW, so naturally we had it more often. I'm sure that isn't what he told the OW, but the truth is, we never stopped having sex before or during the affair. Now, after d-day, I kicked him out, and wasn't available for sex. The OW offered it up after d-day. He declined and ended the affair. At that point, when he was faced with the reality that our marriage was in danger, sex (or anything) with the OW was no longer something he wanted. The amount and quality of the sex wasn't what made the affair sex exiting. It was the risk of doing something in secret. It wasn't even about who he was having sex with. Just so happened that his OW was willing to have sex with a MM. To answer the question: Yes, I believe sex with a MM is much better than sex with a SG because of the fact that I am married to him and sex has always been great with my H. Okay. For clarity, I was asking this question to OW who are in relationships with MM.
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Okay. For clarity, I was asking this question to OW who are in relationships with MM. I understand that, but I always think every point of view is valuable. JMO.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I understand that, but I always think every point of view is valuable. JMO. Okay. So why did you continue to sleep with your husband when you knew about the Affair? Why didn't you leave?
wildsoul Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 The amount and quality of the sex wasn't what made the affair sex exiting. It was the risk of doing something in secret. It wasn't even about who he was having sex with. Just so happened that his OW was willing to have sex with a MM. There are 2 big lies I see on this board all the time: OW saying that "his wife would never have sex with him." BS saying that "sex with her didn't mean anything." It's so painfully obvious that MM tell the 2 women these lies to control the woman's emotional reaction, and that the women really WANT to believe this lies, too. I'm just so sick of reading both versions here all the time, especially when there seems to be a covert intent between BS/OW to bash each other with them. Both are lies! Sheesh. PS: Sorry for the rant.
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Okay. So why did you continue to sleep with your husband when you knew about the Affair? Why didn't you leave? OK, I have told my story many times, so here is a short version: My first reaction was to file for divorce. I kicked him out and contacted a lawyer. I went to MC basically to make sure we did what ever we could to make the divorce easier on the kids. The MC asked me to wait to file for divorce, so I agreed. My H has an addictive personality, he isn't drinker or gambler, but he is still an addict. When we met, his addiction was work, then when he became successful, he would play video games or sports to get his fix. As they say with most addicts, their vices get worse over time. So, enter a woman who was willing to put out for my H without hesitation. Now, sex was filling that void. He also got high on the fact that the OW was needy and he was her knight in shining armor. Another good fix for an addict. We continued MC and my H started working a 12 step program for his addiction. I saw a tremendous change in him and then I became willing to make the changes in myself that were necessary to start to help our relationship. Together, we have been able to build a stronger, healthier marriage. I truly believe that had he not been caught and realized his issues, he would have continued having affairs and maybe even gotten into worse destructive behaviors. That is why I always say that MM who leave their W for the OW without looking at why they had the affair in the first place are bound to continue self-destruction in some way. And, marriages that continue without both spouses digging deep within themselves and are willing to accept and work on their own issues, won't have a great chance of survival. JMO.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 OK, I have told my story many times, so here is a short version: My first reaction was to file for divorce. I kicked him out and contacted a lawyer. I went to MC basically to make sure we did what ever we could to make the divorce easier on the kids. The MC asked me to wait to file for divorce, so I agreed. My H has an addictive personality, he isn't drinker or gambler, but he is still an addict. When we met, his addiction was work, then when he became successful, he would play video games or sports to get his fix. As they say with most addicts, their vices get worse over time. So, enter a woman who was willing to put out for my H without hesitation. Now, sex was filling that void. He also got high on the fact that the OW was needy and he was her knight in shining armor. Another good fix for an addict. We continued MC and my H started working a 12 step program for his addiction. I saw a tremendous change in him and then I became willing to make the changes in myself that were necessary to start to help our relationship. Together, we have been able to build a stronger, healthier marriage. I truly believe that had he not been caught and realized his issues, he would have continued having affairs and maybe even gotten into worse destructive behaviors. That is why I always say that MM who leave their W for the OW without looking at why they had the affair in the first place are bound to continue self-destruction in some way. And, marriages that continue without both spouses digging deep within themselves and are willing to accept and work on their own issues, won't have a great chance of survival. JMO. Oh okay. So what happened to the OW? She gracefully let him go? Did he mourn breaking up with her?
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 There are 2 big lies I see on this board all the time: OW saying that "his wife would never have sex with him." BS saying that "sex with her didn't mean anything." It's so painfully obvious that MM tell the 2 women these lies to control the woman's emotional reaction, and that the women really WANT to believe this lies, too. I'm just so sick of reading both versions here all the time, especially when there seems to be a covert intent between BS/OW to bash each other with them. Both are lies! Sheesh. PS: Sorry for the rant. I would never say that the sex with the OW didn't mean anything to my H. It meant a great deal. It gave him a much needed fix. All I'm saying is that, in his case, it wasn't about the OW, it was all about him. In reality, almost any woman that was reasonably attractive and willing to have sex with him would have worked for what he was looking for. I'm not bashing, I'm being honest about my own situation.
wildsoul Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I would never say that the sex with the OW didn't mean anything to my H. It meant a great deal. It gave him a much needed fix. All I'm saying is that, in his case, it wasn't about the OW, it was all about him. In reality, almost any woman that was reasonably attractive and willing to have sex with him would have worked for what he was looking for. I'm not bashing, I'm being honest about my own situation. I think I understand a little better how you mean it now. The amount of selfishness involved does limit the depth of relationship. But the same can also be said in reverse. A selfish man cheating on his wife isn't connecting very deeply with her either. It's more about HIS selfishness than either woman's value. There's been quite a bit of BS's here to gloat, punish, and try to shame OW's here lately and it's been getting on my nerves. Once it awhile there are posts with OW saying things to make the BS's feel bad too. I just hate it. Thanks for clarifying your intent. I enjoy your posts. That just struck a nerve is all. Blessings.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 herenow, what happened to the OW? Did he feel bad about breaking things off with her? I still would like more responses from OW, regarding how the sex is with a MM, are they more sexually experienced than SGs?
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Oh okay. So what happened to the OW? She gracefully let him go? Did he mourn breaking up with her? No, she didn't gracefully let him go. She fell in love with him and she thought he loved her. Again, I have already said this in other threads, so I will try to make it short. I know this to be true because, my H shared all of the emails and voice mails to and from the OW. She was surprised that when I asked him to leave he didn't run to her. She didn't want to accept what he was telling her and continued to try and contact him and start their affair again. My H and I even asked our MC for help in how to get the OW to understand that the affair was over. At this point we were separated and my H was working on his own problems, but he knew for sure that he no longer wanted any relationship with the OW. With help form our MC, she eventually stopped calling. I can understand why she thought he would continue the relationship after our separation. He never gave her any reason to think otherwise. He never spoke about our marriage to her. He completely compartmentalized his two separate lives. When he was with her, he was with her. When he left her to come home that door closed and he came home. When she told him she loved him, he didn't reply and she took that as fact that he felt the same. He was the master of non-conflict. He did what he needed to do to keep getting the best of both worlds. Did he mourn the OW? No, he was glad that he got caught. The OW had started to ask more of him than he was willing to give her and he was looking for a way out. Being the non-confrontational person that he was, he made it so that his two worlds would collide and he got caught which ended the affair.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 No, she didn't gracefully let him go. She fell in love with him and she thought he loved her. Again, I have already said this in other threads, so I will try to make it short. I know this to be true because, my H shared all of the emails and voice mails to and from the OW. She was surprised that when I asked him to leave he didn't run to her. She didn't want to accept what he was telling her and continued to try and contact him and start their affair again. My H and I even asked our MC for help in how to get the OW to understand that the affair was over. At this point we were separated and my H was working on his own problems, but he knew for sure that he no longer wanted any relationship with the OW. With help form our MC, she eventually stopped calling. I can understand why she thought he would continue the relationship after our separation. He never gave her any reason to think otherwise. He never spoke about our marriage to her. He completely compartmentalized his two separate lives. When he was with her, he was with her. When he left her to come home that door closed and he came home. When she told him she loved him, he didn't reply and she took that as fact that he felt the same. He was the master of non-conflict. He did what he needed to do to keep getting the best of both worlds. Did he mourn the OW? No, he was glad that he got caught. The OW had started to ask more of him than he was willing to give her and he was looking for a way out. Being the non-confrontational person that he was, he made it so that his two worlds would collide and he got caught which ended the affair. Well, I'm glad everything worked out for you & your husband. Are you able to trust him now? I know the OW must be devestated, she was tossed away like some savage trash. I'd be terribly depressed and not ever date again if I were her. Wow.
Awesome84 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 You get off on knowing you are doing something you have no business doing I used to get off on riskyness... not necessarily with a MM but in general. Like when I was dating a guy that I worked with and we shouldn't have been doing anything. I don't get off on stuff like that anymore because it's all just 'Intant Gratification'. And in the long run... something makes you feel good because it's wrong is Bad Behavior and will usually come back to haunt you in hurtful ways.
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Well, I'm glad everything worked out for you & your husband. Are you able to trust him now? I know the OW must be devestated, she was tossed away like some savage trash. I'd be terribly depressed and not ever date again if I were her. Wow. As long as my H is working through his addition I can trust him. I also know, if he ever stops working the program, I would have reason to leave and he knows that too. We are in this together and I know that I have to do my part in keeping our marriage healthy as well. If either one of us forgets that, affair or not, our marriage won't survive. The affair didn't cause the problems in our marriage, we did that all by ourselves. As far as the OW, yes, I'm sure she was devastated. But she had affairs with MM before my H and if she doesn't make some changes in her own live, she bound to feel that pain again. And, BTW, she wasn't tossed like savage trash, my H did his best to be understanding of her feelings. She just wasn't willing to accept reality.
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I think I understand a little better how you mean it now. The amount of selfishness involved does limit the depth of relationship. But the same can also be said in reverse. A selfish man cheating on his wife isn't connecting very deeply with her either. It's more about HIS selfishness than either woman's value. Yes, yes and yes.
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 As far as the OW, yes, I'm sure she was devastated. But she had affairs with MM before my H and if she doesn't make some changes in her own live, she bound to feel that pain again. And, BTW, she wasn't tossed like savage trash, my H did his best to be understanding of her feelings. She just wasn't willing to accept reality. How did he do his best to understand her feelings? He just dumped her like she meant nothing to him.
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 How did he do his best to understand her feelings? He just dumped her like she meant nothing to him. He took responsibility for everyones pain. Hers, mine and his. He told her that if there was any chance of saving his marriage, he could no longer have any contact with her. He never said anything mean or insulting. He told her the truth! What more could he do?
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 He took responsibility for everyones pain. Hers, mine and his. He told her that if there was any chance of saving his marriage, he could no longer have any contact with her. He never said anything mean or insulting. He told her the truth! What more could he do? She thought that there would have been a future between the two of them, that the relationship would have continued. It's just sad that she wasn't good enough for him in the end. I know how that feels.
herenow Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 She thought that there would have been a future between the two of them, that the relationship would have continued. It's just sad that she wasn't good enough for him in the end. I know how that feels. Like I said, the affair wasn't about her, or me, it was all about him. What would be sad is if she doesn't learn anything from the pain and continues to have affairs with MM. I don't know her, so it's not fair for me to say this with any certainty, but I think (notice I said I think) that if she wants to be "good enough" for someone she should have more respect for herself. Not to bash, JMHO.
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