Do you feel confident with your mate when around very attractive people?

[normal]

My bf and I love going to raves.

There are MANY girls with not a lot of clothes on.

Usually the kids at raves are on drugs which doesn't bother me.

My boyfriend takes ex ONCE a year (I know that sounds bad, but it's not.. I'm there to supervise). :-)

I have never taken it, but he literally gushes over me when he is on it.

Usually he will walk up to other people at the rave and say something like "Hey isn't my girlfriend hot? Damn, she's sexy!"

 

Even when he's not on drugs, he likes to tell me how pretty I am.

It doesn't bother me if he looks at other girls, because it's not like he's hitting on them.

I still get to go home with him.

And he LOVES me.

He doesn't love those girls.

He merely has wandering eyes like all men...and takes notice when he sees an attractive person.

So do I (male or female, I can at least admit when they look good, and it doesn't bother me)...and considering we're both human, I wouldn't expect any different.

 

I like to dress up before going to events like this.

I'll admit.. I don't wear a lot of clothes when I go to these events.

I just sort of dress the part.

I feel sexy when I leave the house.

When I get there, I still feel attractive.

 

If I were to NOT dress up and just go looking like a scrub, then I might not feel all that confident.

I know it sounds shallow, but dressing nicely and looking good helps me feel good about myself in situations like that.

 

Aside from that, I know that he loves me and he's not going to leave me for someone just because they are more attractive.

He will still come home and sleep in my bed with me.

There's a chance he won't if I'm putting myself down or talking about how much I hate being around attractive people.

But we don't really have jealousy issues, so I guess we might be different than most couples.

[donnamaybe]

He will still come home and sleep in my bed with me.

There's a chance he won't if I'm putting myself down or talking about how much I hate being around attractive people.

 

And this is EXACTLY why I brought up self esteem issues earlier, which certain people made light of.

 

Seriously - if you start a thread wondering if people are "confident" enough to be around other attractive people with their other half, then somebody MUST be lacking confidence. In my world, worrying about taking your guy around pretty gals = a lack of confidence.

[missdependant]

What's so scary about attractive people? Confidence is important in a relationship, and I would advise that you find it in yourself.

 

There are attractive people EVERYWHERE, and I can almost guarantee that if he's not checking out girls at clubs, he's checking them out everywhere else he goes. There's nothing wrong with looking at other people as long as that is as far as it goes. He's not going to live his life thinking you're the only attractive person in the world. He might think you're the MOST attractive... but certainly not the only one.

 

That's not how the real, adult world works.

[Lizzie60]

Funny thing.. is most women will say that they are confident with their SO around attractive women... BUT I'm not sure if that confidence will be as strong if this attractive woman flirts with the SO..

[donnamaybe]

Funny thing... my guy was getting shamelessly hit on by a very attractive gal when we were out once. However, he used to own a business in the downtown area, and he knew her from back in the day as a hooker. Even if he were single, he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole (and no - though he's well hung, he ain't THAT big! lol) Other gals who might try that route - since they know he's there with someone, he thinks they're skanks for trying to hit on another gal's guy. We've talked about the cheating thing. He's all about monogomy.

[Lizzie60]

Of course.. he would never tell YOU otherwise..

[donnamaybe]

He doesn't need to. We commute together, and he's home with me every night.

 

Nice try! So transparent! :lmao:

 

And somehow kinda sad.

[Lizzie60]

He doesn't need to. We commute together, and he's home with me every night.

 

Nice try! So transparent! :lmao:

 

And somehow kinda sad.

 

Do you work together?

[pollywag]

I can't have a normal trusting relationship with men that expect to tell me one thing but are thinking other things in their head to protray themselves as something they aren't.

 

Then you will never have a healthy relationship with a man if you think like that. there are men who are who they say they are, and even those men, as Donnamaybe put it have fleeting thoughts. You can't let that consume you, you have fleeting thoughts as well I am sure! They may not be sexual but you have thoughts that are just yours and no one else's. Why would you expect any different from a guy?

 

 

 

 

I don't want to know but I don't want him to be a douche bag either. I rather know what I am dealing with then not and choose not to be with him then think he is something he is trying to project himself as but really isn't.

 

And you can see that in time and as you get to know him, by seeing how he acts towards you. But if you are going to scrutinize his every move to have him sign a meataphorical "waver" every time you need proof that he is actually thinking the same thing he is acting, then you might as well not enter into a relationship at all. You will chase a man away, and you will create your own self-fulfilled prophesy and drive yourself absolutely bananas.

 

 

 

Again, it goes back to the fact that men never are appreciative and thankful for what they have and are always seeking out more.

 

No it goes back to the fact that you see all men as one. No man on earth has a standing chance with you if that is what you see.

 

 

 

 

What? You are kidding right? Actually you can, there are many things people I love do that I think are wrong. Doesn't mean I hate the person at all. I hated that my ex liked the fantasy of two women. HATED it. Didn't hate him at all.

 

You know what? Majority of men have a fantasy of two women. So then that means you should hate most men.

Oh wait.... That does not mean he is on a mission to make it happen, it means that is what he likes to think of when he masturbates or what gets him going sexually among many other fantasies. Look a person could be fantasizing all kinds of "weird" things that are not appropriate and deemed as strange and unacceptable by others. It's what we do, we all have thoughts in our heads that we don't act out. But if those thoughts stay nicely docked at bay then it is normal to do that. If in your actions you start to manifest traces of sick thoughts then that's where you can jump and say this guy is twisted, or messed up or a douchebag.

 

 

I do. And frankly, I think alot of people do. Because that kind of thinking leads to the possiblity of their true personality, what they may hide but what is truly part of who they are.

 

I could think my entire life that I would make a great nurse, and in my head I am assisting people and making their lives better, but if in reality I work with the mob and go around breaking guys' knee caps and putting bullets in people's heads all the thinking in the world ain't gonna matter. Who I am is not who I think I am in my head, who I am is who I portray myself to be in actions.

 

(that is an extreme example but I wanted to demonstrate the point as clearly as possible)

 

 

 

 

I am a big believer that just like we expect ourselves to control and exercise are bodies, we need to do the same with our minds and while having a dark side is natural, controling your mind and thoughts towards these goes a long way. Just as healthy control of exercise for our bodies does.

 

It's ironic you honestly believe that and you can't control your own thoughts. Sure you don't have sexual thoughts every two minutes but you do have some very negative thoughts of how you think men should be vs how they are. Really think about that if you mean what you just wrote up there.

 

 

 

However, if it's been more than three days since the last time you had sex... you can't really complain if he isn't controlling himself.

 

Huuuuuuuuh?

 

And I can totally understand where you're coming from - to a degree.

 

I mean, c'mon. If a FLEETING thought crosses a guy's mind, but then he squelches it and never tells you so you're not hurt, why is that so bad? It's when the fleeting thought is purposely nurtured and, worse yet, acted on that it becomes something to dump a guy for.

 

If someone is with a guy who they think always has dialogue running through his mind such as, "Wow! What a hot babe! I really wish my woman wasn't around so I could get in her pants!" then you either need to be with a different guy, or you need therapy.

 

Exactly, perfectly stated Donna.

 

Funny thing.. is most women will say that they are confident with their SO around attractive women... BUT I'm not sure if that confidence will be as strong if this attractive woman flirts with the SO..

 

 

I agree, if I am out at a social event and a very good looking woman is flirting with my man and vice versa it will make me jealous, for sure! But I don't avoid social gatherings where there may be potentially good looking women in fear that my man will want to run away with every hot girl he sees. That's a little nutty. Strip joints fine, I can understand not for everyone and after all the place is there to prostitute sex so I can see why that would not fly, no problem. But a club or other places of entertainment where hot women are scantily clad is silly and doesn't make sense for me to avoid.

[Island Girl]

He merely has wandering eyes like all men...and takes notice when he sees an attractive person.

 

My man doesn't have wandering eyes.

 

There goes that "ALL" statement.

 

 

There are attractive people EVERYWHERE, and I can almost guarantee that if he's not checking out girls at clubs, he's checking them out everywhere else he goes.

 

I would take that bet in a heartbeat.

 

My husband is disgusted by most women at clubs and sees them as nothing more than a warm blow up doll; if that.

He has seen way too much in his lifetime.

 

 

Funny thing.. is most women will say that they are confident with their SO around attractive women... BUT I'm not sure if that confidence will be as strong if this attractive woman flirts with the SO..

 

They do. All the freakin' time.

 

It is annoying. Not because I am in any way threatened. But because they are so blatant sometimes and they have no regard for the fact that he and I are enjoying each other.

 

It seems that some of these women think once he sees them that he'll just be with them or something - so they throw themselves at him subtly and not so subtly right in front of me A LOT.

 

He has always handled it well.

 

Once when we were on the dance floor two women (long blonde hair - long brown hair- boobs showing - mini skirts, etc.) who had already done the "run up to him giggling" thing came out and were dancing behind me and both of them started bumping into me pretty brutally.

He grabbed me in a bear hug turned around so he was wear I was and proceeded to step on their feet - they were in high heels and he weighes 320 pounds.

It was hilarious!!

First they thought it was a mistake and still tried to dance close to him but when it happened again and to both they got the idea.

 

 

Of course.. he would never tell YOU otherwise..

 

Lizzie60 you just kill me.

 

Because you have never seen it or had it - it just doesn't exist.

 

A lot of things exist that you may not have personal experience with sweetie.

[donnamaybe]

Lizzie, are you a misandrist? If not, why do you distrust every single one of them (males), giving them no respect what-so-ever and finding a way to use them, just to prove your point?

 

Do you believe you can get ANY man to cheat with you?

[39388]

Funny thing.. is most women will say that they are confident with their SO around attractive women... BUT I'm not sure if that confidence will be as strong if this attractive woman flirts with the SO..

You shouldn't lump all men into one box. There is much, much more to people than external looks.

 

Donna clearly has a great man who doesn't need anyone else.

[donnamaybe]

My husband is disgusted by most women at clubs and sees them as nothing more than a warm blow up doll; if that.

He has seen way too much in his lifetime.

 

EXACTLY! When my guy sees a gal out who he can tell things "she's all that," he finds it quite pathetic and views her with disdain and perhaps a touch of pity.

 

It seems that some of these women think once he sees them that he'll just be with them or something - so they throw themselves at him subtly and not so subtly right in front of me A LOT.

 

He has always handled it well.

 

Once when we were on the dance floor two women (long blonde hair - long brown hair- boobs showing - mini skirts, etc.) who had already done the "run up to him giggling" thing came out and were dancing behind me and both of them started bumping into me pretty brutally.

He grabbed me in a bear hug turned around so he was wear I was and proceeded to step on their feet - they were in high heels and he weighes 320 pounds.

It was hilarious!!

First they thought it was a mistake and still tried to dance close to him but when it happened again and to both they got the idea.

 

What a helluva funny story! I bet you were lovin' that! How disrespectful for a gal to do that!

 

Because you have never seen it or had it - it just doesn't exist.

 

A lot of things exist that you may not have personal experience with sweetie.

 

Ya think? lol

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie, are you a misandrist? If not, why do you distrust every single one of them (males), giving them no respect what-so-ever and finding a way to use them, just to prove your point?

 

Do you believe you can get ANY man to cheat with you?[/QUOTE]

 

To be honest with you.. YES..

[Lizzie60]

You shouldn't lump all men into one box. There is much, much more to people than external looks.

 

Donna clearly has a great man who doesn't need anyone else.

 

 

Every woman has a great man... even when they're sharing him..

[donnamaybe]

Lizzie, are you a misandrist? If not, why do you distrust every single one of them (males), giving them no respect what-so-ever and finding a way to use them, just to prove your point?

 

Do you believe you can get ANY man to cheat with you?[/QUOTE]

 

To be honest with you.. YES..

 

Okay, then I'm going to pick a married male member of LS, who I will PM to you. Your mission will be to have an EA and/or PA with this member by subverting him and providing proof to this site, of such. Can you handle the challenge, if you believe that ALL men will cheat and are scumbags?

[39388]

Lizzie, are you a misandrist? If not, why do you distrust every single one of them (males), giving them no respect what-so-ever and finding a way to use them, just to prove your point?

 

Do you believe you can get ANY man to cheat with you?[/QUOTE]

 

To be honest with you.. YES..

Sorry Lizzie, but you would have *no* chance with me and I'm single. You would have even less change if I was married. Less than none.

[donnamaybe]

Sorry Lizzie, but you would have *no* chance with me and I'm single. You would have even less change if I was married. Less than none.

 

It's okay hon. Whatever gets her through her lonely nights and her overly filled - ahem - days.

[Island Girl]

Lizzie, are you a misandrist? If not, why do you distrust every single one of them (males), giving them no respect what-so-ever and finding a way to use them, just to prove your point?

 

Do you believe you can get ANY man to cheat with you?[/QUOTE]

 

To be honest with you.. YES..

 

I could've answered this for you.

 

I run into women like you all the time.

I also see the men that would give you this impression.

I choose not to associate with them although they make it known they are open to it.

 

Police officers have to be aware of their perception of the world because a lot of times they only deal with the criminal element and bad situations in their jobs every day.

That is all they are exposed to day in and day out.

 

Because of your choices Lizzie60 you are in this same situation.

You have this perspective because these are the kinds of men you are around ALL the time.

 

There is a whole other cross section of men that you do not interact with because they aren't out there interacting with you.

 

Again because YOU haven't seen it, heard of it, etc it doesn't exist.

When I think about it that way, it is just so sad.

It really, really is.

[Sam Spade]

When I walk down the street and encounter a hot chick, I engage in ~3-5 second fantasy of ripping her skirt off and splatteting her against the wall, after which I get back to rehearsing my presentation or whatever I was thinking about before running into her.

 

Most men understand that the expected value of a new squeese (i.e. the product of perceived attractiveness X probability that a relaitonship will actually occur X probability that that relationship will be at least as good as the one they currently have) is VERY LOW. So, most people don't even spend much emotional energy oggling others and fantasizing too much.

[Lizzie60]

 

Okay, then I'm going to pick a married male member of LS, who I will PM to you. Your mission will be to have an EA and/or PA with this member by subverting him and providing proof to this site, of such. Can you handle the challenge, if you believe that ALL men will cheat and are scumbags?

 

 

Hahaha.. I could provide you with proofs right now.. but I won't..

I never had and never will have an EA or PA with someone on this forum or any forums.. but I could prove to you that I got emails from such MMs (from LS) already.. but I will never 'divulge' any of those secrets..

 

I respect them too much.. and I know they respect me..

[Lizzie60]

Sorry Lizzie, but you would have *no* chance with me and I'm single. You would have even less change if I was married. Less than none.

 

 

Sorry 39388.. what makes you think I would want YOU?

I'm extremely picky..

[39388]

Sorry 39388.. what makes you think I would want YOU?

I'm extremely picky..

Oh yeah, I forgot! You need the man who looks like a model, is a multimillionaire and has an ego to match. He must be married too.

[Lizzie60]

Oh yeah, I forgot! You need the man who looks like a model, is a multimillionaire and has an ego to match.

 

 

No.. not quite.. but I had a few of those.. but not with both quality.. if they were models.. they weren't millionnaire.. oh maybe except one.. and he was single..but not tall enough to be a model.. but he sure was very attractive.

[Lizzie60]

So, do you feel confident when you're out with your spouse/partner where there are a lot of other very attractive people around? Do you get paranoid that they are checking out other people and contemplating if the grass is greener on the other side?

 

Although I was extremely insecure when I was younger.. I got tougher skin as I got older..

 

Confidence often comes with age.... and nope.. I'm not insecure even with young, hotter chicks around my men...