Do you feel confident with your mate when around very attractive people?

[donnamaybe]

They do.. they ALL think about sex when they look at a beautiful, sexy woman.. to think they're not.. is very naive.. IMO.

 

You are simply used to the type of man who screws around on his wife since that's the only men you are involved with. Of course, in your jaded view, you would think that.

[Lizzie60]

You are simply used to the type of man who screws around on his wife since that's the only men you are involved with. Of course, in your jaded view, you would think that.

 

 

Tsk Tsk.. I don't sleep with ALL the men I meet on a daily basis, work, friends. etc.. and I've heard that a zillion times.. I'm not making this up..

 

Sorry.. nice try..

[pollywag]

Oh c'mon ladies to deny that men don't think sexual thoughts when they see hot women is foolish. Men DO think sexual thoughts. It's all fantasy and it doesn't matter how great or perfect your man is, when he sees a hot chick he thinks sexual thoughts.

 

Men are wired differently, why deny that?

 

But do men act on those feelings? NO. Decent guys don't.

[donnamaybe]

Tsk Tsk.. I don't sleep with ALL the men I meet on a daily basis, work, friends. etc.. and I've heard that a zillion times.. I'm not making this up..

 

Sorry.. nice try..

 

No. ALL the men you see aren't cheaters. The ones You spend ALOT of time with are, however. I'm not making THAT up. It's on LS for everyone to see. It's gonna skew your viewpoint.

[Lizzie60]

Oh c'mon ladies to deny that men don't think sexual thoughts when they see hot women is foolish. Men DO think sexual thoughts. It's all fantasy and it doesn't matter how great or perfect your man is, when he sees a hot chick he thinks sexual thoughts.

 

Men are wired differently, why deny that?

 

But do men act on those feelings? NO. Decent guys don't.

 

Exactly .. well said.. (humm.. Polly.. are you hanging out with douche bags.. like me )

 

Insecure or naive women will think that their men are perfect..

[Lizzie60]

No. ALL the men you see aren't cheaters. The ones You spend ALOT of time with are, however. I'm not making THAT up. It's on LS for everyone to see. It's gonna skew your viewpoint.

 

 

Oh well.. you're allowed to YOUR opinions.. I'm allowed mine..

[donnamaybe]

Ignorant women will place all men in the same category.

[Jersey Shortie]

I don't know Donna, you still never answered my question.

 

 

 

Guys want a lot of things and they never act on them. You can't live your life trying to figure out what a man thinks vs what he tells you, you will drive yourself insane. You have to trust that what he tells you and what he shows you is what he means.

 

Well I am sorry but I don’t think this makes much sense. I should trust what he tells me but he might tell me things that are untrue? WTF.

 

 

What if I was thinking something completely different than what I am writing now? What if you are thinking something completely different than what you are writing on your end? You can't live like that, it WILL drive you bananas!

 

Okay, this isn’t a matter of typing this subject to you and at the time thinking about How I need to get to the gym soon so I can pick up my prescription medicine before the place closes. This is a matter of a man lying and telling you one thing to come off as a good man but thinking and wishing for something else.

 

 

Yes men water down a lot of their admissions when we put them on the spot,. They tell white lies to spare us from their little perverted truths, big deal!

 

Well I do think it’s a big deal. I don’t want a man to show me a side of him that isn’t true.

 

Guys all check out women and yeah they more than likely are thinking what it would be like to get in to a good looking woman's skirt. Oh well, who cares what they think?

 

I care what men think because I care about having a man in my life.

 

As long as they are good to you and are faithful to you they could want a lot of things in their heads but that doesn't mean they will actually do them. Men like to live in fantasy a lot, and a lot of those fantasies are born and die right in their heads.

 

Well, it goes back to men never being happy or appreciative of what they have.

[anne1707]

Insecure or naive women will think that their men are perfect..

 

Not insecure. Not naive. Know he is not perfect. But I also know I can trust him.

[donnamaybe]

Oh c'mon ladies to deny that men don't think sexual thoughts when they see hot women is foolish. Men DO think sexual thoughts. It's all fantasy and it doesn't matter how great or perfect your man is, when he sees a hot chick he thinks sexual thoughts.

 

Men are wired differently, why deny that?

 

But do men act on those feelings? NO. Decent guys don't.

 

I'm not saying that if my guy sees a REALLY hot babe he wouldn't wonder for a second. But of the gals he's commented on - they're pretty, but not hot enough to make him start wondering. I know his tastes.

[donnamaybe]

I don't know Donna, you still never answered my question.

 

Your question asked me what I thought about "most men." MY man is not "most men." He is my man, not some intangible "most men" kind of person. You're lumping men together into some category, and therein lies most of your problems with them.

[Trialbyfire]

There are some all-encompassing assumptions being made that "All men" even put enough effort into a fantasy, every...single...time they see an attractive woman. Some of the time, sure. Some of the time, it's just a matter of acknowledgement. "Wow!"

 

I don't believe that every man is a sleezebucket where he runs around all day long, fantasizing about doing the 40 attractive women he's seen during the day. WAAAAYYYYY too much effort and paranoia for me to worry about.

 

It's all about intent and need to fuel inner emptiness, that's my major concern for any potential partner.

[donnamaybe]

It's all about intent. For example, a hooker who believes that all men want to do every attractive woman he sees. Due to her environment of sleeze buckets she sleeps with, it's no wonder she projects these thoughts onto decent men.

 

You have a way with words, TBF.

[Trialbyfire]

You have a way with words, TBF.

Thanks, so do you. Environment tells!

[pollywag]

Exactly .. well said.. (humm.. Polly.. are you hanging out with douche bags.. like me )

 

 

I don't believe it is a matter of douchebag men or not, men have sexual thoughts when they see a woman they find sexually appealing, whether he is single, married, taken a grandpa or teen. Men think sexually more than we do. And I don't think anyone can deny that. Please don't try to argue we are the same ladies, we are not.

 

 

 

Well I am sorry but I don’t think this makes much sense. I should trust what he tells me but he might tell me things that are untrue? WTF.

 

Well that is what trust is a decision to take a face value what someone tells you. There are no guarantees but scrutinizing people's word to the umpteenth degree does nothing for the cause. You choose to trust and if actions show you otherwise you lose that trust. It's how the world works. We are not privied to being "inside" other people's heads.

 

how do you know your parents really love you? how do you know that when you mother tells you she is proud of you she means it? How DO you know?

 

 

Well I do think it’s a big deal. I don’t want a man to show me a side of him that isn’t true.

 

Well get used to it because no one will EVER show you 100% what they are thinking. That's just the way it is. If you expect that you will always be 100% disappointed. The sooner you come to terms with that the sooner you will free yourself of such asphyxiating thoughts. You can NEVER have a normal trusting relationship if you think like that.

This is where all your insecurties stem from Jersie.

 

 

 

I care what men think because I care about having a man in my life.

 

Well if you care about having a man in your life you will accept that men are not perfect, just as you are not. You will also not chase a poor guy away with these crazy demands that are unrealistic. You can't expect to know exactly what a man thinks 100% of the time. It's impossible and quite frankly you don't want to know. Just a man does not want to know 100% of what you are thinking.

 

 

Well, it goes back to men never being happy or appreciative of what they have.

 

Who cares what it boils down to. Is he with you? Does he show you love? Does he respect you? Does he look up to you? Do you learn from him? Can you look up to him and learn from him? Does he show you his adoration in actions?

 

THOSE are the things you should be focusing on, not "but is he really thinking he loves me when he tells me he loves me?"

 

Some people like to use this expression a lot around this forum, I have seen it a few times:

 

"I don't hate a person, I just hate their actions"

 

I'm sorry but you can't separate the two. A person is who they portray themselves to be. If they act and speak a certain way they take on the form of that character and they become that person, sure they could be serial killers chopping up and dismembering people in their heads but if they have always been gentle and kind and caring to others in actions and words. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?

 

Everyone has a dark side the question is what do you do about those thoughts? That is what differentiates sociopaths from healthy people. Not so much what they think.

[pollywag]

There are some all-encompassing assumptions being made that "All men" even put enough effort into a fantasy, every...single...time they see an attractive woman. Some of the time, sure. Some of the time, it's just a matter of acknowledgement. "Wow!"

 

I don't believe that every man is a sleezebucket where he runs around all day long, fantasizing about doing the 40 attractive women he's seen during the day. WAAAAYYYYY too much effort and paranoia for me to worry about.

 

I agree and thanks for touching on that because I was going to say if he is doing it every time he passes a woman perhaps he has a form of sexual addiction. No man is thinking with his pecker all day long unless he has some type of disorder. But that the average guy does it from time to time, sure he does. Big deal!

[Star Gazer]

I think a lot of women and men feel this way. It's kinda natural don't ya think

 

No, I certainly don't.

 

If you're paranoid when you're out with him and see attractive women, WTH do you do when you're NOT out with him and he sees attractive women?

 

You either trust him and are secure in yourself, or not.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'm secure in myself. I went to strip clubs a couple times with my XH (no, this didn't start his problem - he had issues before the club) and wasn't worried about other women.

 

I trust my BF - I know he's not interested in anybody but me. And I'm secure with myself.

[sotired]

Well I am bisexual so I usually notice hot girls before my man does.

 

And I usually point them out...and no, I'm not the least bit worried.

[Jersey Shortie]

Well get used to it because no one will EVER show you 100% what they are thinking. That's just the way it is. If you expect that you will always be 100% disappointed. The sooner you come to terms with that the sooner you will free yourself of such asphyxiating thoughts. You can NEVER have a normal trusting relationship if you think like that.

This is where all your insecurties stem from Jersie.

 

 

I can't have a normal trusting relationship with men that expect to tell me one thing but are thinking other things in their head to protray themselves as something they aren't.

 

 

 

 

Well if you care about having a man in your life you will accept that men are not perfect, just as you are not. You will also not chase a poor guy away with these crazy demands that are unrealistic. You can't expect to know exactly what a man thinks 100% of the time. It's impossible and quite frankly you don't want to know. Just a man does not want to know 100% of what you are thinking.

 

I don't want to know but I don't want him to be a douche bag either. I rather know what I am dealing with then not and choose not to be with him then think he is something he is trying to project himself as but really isn't.

 

 

 

Who cares what it boils down to. Is he with you? Does he show you love? Does he respect you? Does he look up to you? Do you learn from him? Can you look up to him and learn from him? Does he show you his adoration in actions?

 

Again, it goes back to the fact that men never are appreciative and thankful for what they have and are always seeking out more.

 

 

 

 

"I don't hate a person, I just hate their actions"

 

I'm sorry but you can't separate the two.

 

What? You are kidding right? Actually you can, there are many things people I love do that I think are wrong. Doesn't mean I hate the person at all. I hated that my ex liked the fantasy of two women. HATED it. Didn't hate him at all.

 

A person is who they portray themselves to be. If they act and speak a certain way they take on the form of that character and they become that person, sure they could be serial killers chopping up and dismembering people in their heads but if they have always been gentle and kind and caring to others in actions and words. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?

 

I do. And frankly, I think alot of people do. Because that kind of thinking leads to the possiblity of their true personality, what they may hide but what is truly part of who they are.

 

Everyone has a dark side the question is what do you do about those thoughts?

 

I am a big believer that just like we expect ourselves to control and exercise are bodies, we need to do the same with our minds and while having a dark side is natural, controling your mind and thoughts towards these goes a long way. Just as healthy control of exercise for our bodies does.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I can't have a normal trusting relationship with men that expect to tell me one thing but are thinking other things in their head to protray themselves as something they aren't.

I don't want to know but I don't want him to be a douche bag either. I rather know what I am dealing with then not and choose not to be with him then think he is something he is trying to project himself as but really isn't.

Again, it goes back to the fact that men never are appreciative and thankful for what they have and are always seeking out more.

What? You are kidding right? Actually you can, there are many things people I love do that I think are wrong. Doesn't mean I hate the person at all. I hated that my ex liked the fantasy of two women. HATED it. Didn't hate him at all.

I do. And frankly, I think alot of people do. Because that kind of thinking leads to the possiblity of their true personality, what they may hide but what is truly part of who they are.

I am a big believer that just like we expect ourselves to control and exercise are bodies, we need to do the same with our minds and while having a dark side is natural, controling your mind and thoughts towards these goes a long way. Just as healthy control of exercise for our bodies does.

 

I completely agree with this last part! At work there was a new lady that wore these awful boob shirts. I had to interact with her every once in a while, so I made absolutely sure my eyes never went below her chin. It wasn't hard at all really, it just takes self control. Plus, I felt kind of angry that she thought showing off her fake boobs would get attention from all of us guys!

 

Also, that 2 way fantasy is just stupid. My friend started telling me about that last week, I told him it was retarded and he looked at me like I had a horn on my head. I mean C'mon... what would I do with 2 girls that I can't do with 1? Unless the guy has 2 dicks... I just don't see the point.

 

At the end of the day... more guys need to just control it. However, if it's been more than three days since the last time you had sex... you can't really complain if he isn't controlling himself.

[carhill]

Do you feel confident with your mate when around very attractive people?

 

 

Yes, because whatever fidelity and loyalty which exists must be given voluntarily to be valuable, IMO.

 

TBH, since I don't ascertain attractiveness by superficiality, I would have no idea who's attractive upon a glance. Visual beauty? Sure. I like beautiful images, ideas, designs and objects but don't consider them attractive in that I would want to possess or commit to them. The same with people. Appreciating beauty is a positive thing. It sends out positive energy. Think about how someone appreciating your beauty (without strings attached) gives you feelings of well-being. One moment in time. Many moments to go

[donnamaybe]

I am a big believer that just like we expect ourselves to control and exercise are bodies, we need to do the same with our minds and while having a dark side is natural, controling your mind and thoughts towards these goes a long way. Just as healthy control of exercise for our bodies does.

 

And I can totally understand where you're coming from - to a degree.

 

I mean, c'mon. If a FLEETING thought crosses a guy's mind, but then he squelches it and never tells you so you're not hurt, why is that so bad? It's when the fleeting thought is purposely nurtured and, worse yet, acted on that it becomes something to dump a guy for.

 

If someone is with a guy who they think always has dialogue running through his mind such as, "Wow! What a hot babe! I really wish my woman wasn't around so I could get in her pants!" then you either need to be with a different guy, or you need therapy.

[donnamaybe]

Yes, because whatever fidelity and loyalty which exists must be given voluntarily to be valuable, IMO.

 

TBH, since I don't ascertain attractiveness by superficiality, I would have no idea who's attractive upon a glance. Visual beauty? Sure. I like beautiful images, ideas, designs and objects but don't consider them attractive in that I would want to possess or commit to them. The same with people. Appreciating beauty is a positive thing. It sends out positive energy. Think about how someone appreciating your beauty (without strings attached) gives you feelings of well-being. One moment in time. Many moments to go

 

GREAT post Carhill!

 

This is what I meant when I mentioned my guy has pointed out a couple gals in the three years I've known him and said they were attractive. Big deal!

[Lucky_One]

Response to OP - Yes. I feel very confident when I am with my mate when we are around very attractive people. Every guy I have dated has thought I was beautiful, even though I don't see myself as that way, and I am positive that they have seen many other gorgeous women while we are out together. We talk about them sometimes, we talk about sexy guys, I point gorgeous women out to whoever I am dating.

 

I just don't have a lot of insecurities. I feel good about myself, I have a good personality and no problems meeting people or keeping friends. If I worried that he wanted to screw every woman he say, then I have no business being in a relationship at all.