Do you feel confident with your mate when around very attractive people?

[MeaganRaye]

I can never understand how some women would go to a club with their mate when there are tons of other scantily dressed women dancing around..I'd never feel confident in that setting, I'd be so paranoid. Some even go to strip clubs with their men. Although, I went with some friends a few years back and the women weren't as attractive or in shape as I imagined them to be

 

So, do you feel confident when you're out with your spouse/partner where there are a lot of other very attractive people around? Do you get paranoid that they are checking out other people and contemplating if the grass is greener on the other side?

[Untouchable_Fire]

They just realize that no other woman would want their total loser BF.

 

You can't be insecure about stuff like that.

[MeaganRaye]

I think a lot of women and men feel this way. It's kinda natural don't ya think

[Els]

If one's partner is with her mainly because of her looks, then yes she'd definitely feel insecure.

 

I know mine isn't. So I'm not.

[a4a]

No no problem here because:

 

a. I am usually one of the chicks boppin' around with boobies showing.

b. Nobody would want my chicken legged H.

[anne1707]

My H's behaviour never makes me feel lacking in confidence - I know my H will find other women attractive but he doesn't just love me for how I look.

[Untouchable_Fire]

No no problem here because:

a. I am usually one of the chicks boppin' around with boobies showing.

b. Nobody would want my chicken legged H.

 

This is a great Answer!

 

My H's behaviour never makes me feel lacking in confidence - I know my H will find other women attractive but he doesn't just love me for how I look.

 

This is the other solution to your issue.

 

If all you value yourself for is looks... then you will never be secure.

[Trialbyfire]

Considering that my ex-H cheated on me, I trust my fiance implicitly. He barely needs external validation, at least when it comes to attractive women.

 

One glaring incident of such is when we were going out for dinner. There was this woman dressed in a low-cut, tight, high-cut outfit with a fur coat spread wide open on top, walking towards us. She was full-out giving him the come-hither stare. I watched him notice her, then he turned and gave me the funniest look, with his eyebrows raised. I burst out laughing and watched her huff away.

 

He doesn't even notice half the time, the stares he gets from women. It's not like he's pretending, either. He's just oblivious and most importantly, uncaring.

 

I've learned a few lessons from being cheated on:

1. I can walk away from anything.
   
2. I will survive and come out stronger.
   
3. I trust my gut instincts, implicitly, therefore will walk before investing 100%, if there are any alarm bells going, low-lying or five alarm.
   
4. I cannot control another person's thoughts or emotions.
   

[Jersey Shortie]

Okay it's official, TrialByFire has the perfect man. I love a man that does not need that kind of validation. I also loved your story there. I think that is really the type of man that most women would want when it comes to other women out and about.

 

On a side note, alot of women get off on a man with another woman noticing her. I hope men know this. It makes her feel *better* over the woman you are with.

 

And yes, I do feel insecure depending on how the man behaves. If a man has to check out other women, his actions are very clear. If he is a man like TrialByFire, then that goes far in my book in being a good partner to your woman.

 

I do not think the only think I have to offer is my looks. But I am human. And human beings DO naturally consider their looks and the looks/attraction of other people. Especially women because we are judged very critically for it.

 

And to the people that say they don't feel insecure because they have more to offer then their looks, then wouldn't other things like another person's kindness, their sense of humor or intelligence make you feel insecure no?

 

I also don't understand women that visit strip clubs with their men. I think alot of women kid themselves and say they are "okay" with it to come off as "cool". But I don't think they are honestly being true to themselves. Of course, some women are cool with it, but I do not think it's the majority of women. And seriously, why would a man want you to be or think you should be? I think alot of women pretend they are cool with it so that they can keep tabs on their boyfriends while they visit these places or are doing activities on the side themselves.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Okay it's official, TrialByFire has the perfect man. I love a man that does not need that kind of validation. I also loved your story there. I think that is really the type of man that most women would want when it comes to other women out and about.

On a side note, alot of women get off on a man with another woman noticing her. I hope men know this. It makes her feel *better* over the woman you are with.

 

I tend to be like TBF's guy. When I'm with a woman the others don't tend to matter to me. However, if it's been a long time since we were intimate... I have issues locking down my wandering eye. I think most guys are like this.

 

Also, you should be insecure about women who are kind, or act more feminine. They are WAY more attractive to a man even if they are less physically.

[a4a]

 

 

Also, you should be insecure about women who are kind, or act more feminine. They are WAY more attractive to a man even if they are less physically.

 

So Aunt Bea is a hottie??

[MeaganRaye]

There are certain personality qualities that folks envy--ppl who are very charismatic, and outgoing, and easily makes friends w/ both male and female. Those are qualities that some people may envy that have nothing to do with looks.

[Jersey Shortie]

I tend to be like TBF's guy. When I'm with a woman the others don't tend to matter to me. However, if it's been a long time since we were intimate... I have issues locking down my wandering eye. I think most guys are like this.

 

Seriously, I love men but seriously, men suck with their wandering eye.

 

 

Also, you should be insecure about women who are kind, or act more feminine. They are WAY more attractive to a man even if they are less physically.

 

Okay, well, next time I will look at the news rack at all he men's magazines about kind feminine ladies instead of the jumbles of young 20 something ladies with implants and tiny bikini's gracing the covers.

[loser101]

i really think it depends how your man makes you feel in the first place. I chat with bar staff all the time - who are often male - because I used to be in hospitality and some of my dates are funny about that, some are cool. It's not meant to be flirting.

[Jaytb]

I tend to be like TBF's guy. When I'm with a woman the others don't tend to matter to me. However, if it's been a long time since we were intimate... I have issues locking down my wandering eye. I think most guys are like this.

 

Me too actually. I don't need external validation from anyone else. And I would probably shrug off an attractive woman's advances if that situation arose, though it has not and I don't think it will. So I think my girlfriend has nothing to worry. I mean I've never been to strip clubs, never used a prostitute, nothing. I wouldn't do that stuff either, it's disgusting frankly (the thought of getting an STD for instance) and demeaning to women. And I have a girlfriend.

 

Plus I am not insecure at all if my girlfriend is around attractive people. I pretty much trust her completely and have no reason to suspect anything is going on. So OP, I'm perfectly ok with my partner being around attractiv people.

[Trialbyfire]

JS, he's not perfect but he's perfect for my needs. I've never met anyone who's as grounded within himself, as he is. It's a wonderful, kick-arse change!

 

I've learned to shut down on men who need a lot of external validation. Lesson learned and taken to heart!

[Els]

And to the people that say they don't feel insecure because they have more to offer then their looks, then wouldn't other things like another person's kindness, their sense of humor or intelligence make you feel insecure no?

 

Yes, actually. If my guy was having the same sort of connection he had with me, with someone else (they talk all the time, understand each other perfectly, have inside jokes, tell their deepest secrets to each other), I WOULD feel insecure. But then again, that would qualify to many here as an emotional affair. So I'd think my jealousy would be justified in that case.

[Jersey Shortie]

Sure, your jealously would be justified. But I also think people are justified in feeling jealous when their partner is giving someone else attention for their looks.

 

 

JS, he's not perfect but he's perfect for my needs. I've never met anyone who's as grounded within himself, as he is. It's a wonderful, kick-arse change!

 

 

Well, I will safely say that I think 99.9% of women don't want someone who is perfect but do want a man that will fit their as you described.

[MeaganRaye]

I don't think some of the posters are being completely honest. Maybe it's their pride getting in the way.

 

I've heard about certain cities that have a relatively high population of attractive people..like LA and Miami.

 

I know someone told me that there are more women than men, and it's like a utopia for guys because for every guy there is like 3 women vying for the same man. I would literally be miserable in a place like this. I would defintely move. You're in a city where there are all these attractive women, so that means you have to try even harder to get a man.

[Els]

JS, I never said they wouldn't be justified.

 

I don't look down on these women at all. Each to their own. To me, the most important thing I have to offer to my guy is my personality, compatibility and connection with him. So I am insecure about that. That's why I'm saying that if a woman is insecure about other women's looks, the reason would most likely be because she thinks the most important (or one of the important) thing(s) she has to offer him is looks.

[Jaytb]

I've heard about certain cities that have a relatively high population of attractive people..like LA and Miami.

 

Haha, I'm nowhere near any of those places.

 

I know someone told me that there are more women than men, and it's like a utopia for guys because for every guy there is like 3 women vying for the same man. I would literally be miserable in a place like this. I would defintely move. You're in a city where there are all these attractive women, so that means you have to try even harder to get a man.

In some places it's the other way around. Like Silicon Valley, where the men way outnumber the women. I go to an engineering and science university that has way less women than men, so I guess my girlfriend should never have a problem.

[MeaganRaye]

Haha, I'm nowhere near any of those places.

 

In some places it's the other way around. Like Silicon Valley, where the men way outnumber the women. I go to an engineering and science university that has way less women than men, so I guess my girlfriend should never have a problem.

I'd rather live there than a place where there is more women than men:) I'd love the excitment of having a few attractive men vying for my affection & attention

[Jaytb]

I'd rather live there than a place where there is more women than men:) I'd love the excitment of having a few attractive men vying for my affection & attention

 

Silicon Valley is good if you don't mind geeky men (I consider myself very geeky). But just like you like the excitement of attractive men vying for you, some men similarly like the same exact thing, women vying for their attention. Plus it's fun watching women compete for a man. They get quite catty

[MeaganRaye]

Silicon Valley is good if you don't mind geeky men (I consider myself very geeky). But just like you like the excitement of attractive men vying for you, some men similarly like the same exact thing, women vying for their attention. Plus it's fun watching women compete for a man. They get quite catty

I don't mind Geeky men. They are very smart so it means they'll be very successful and have a lot of money. As long as their grill isn't too messed up and they have clean eyeglasses that fit their face they are all good with me:cool:

[donnamaybe]

My guy isn't the type to stare at a woman when we're out - well, unless she's acting like a fool. Then he makes jokes about her. He sort of looks down on women who think they're all that and all they have to do is give a guy the eye and he'll come running. He feels that type is a dime a dozen. Lots of air upstairs and nothing of substance.