aeren944 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Hey guys, I've posted on here before, but I just came back because I need some more advice. I don't know if this is the right section to post in, but I'm doing it anyway. So, I've been with my girlfriend for about six years total... not six years straight, just to be clear. At first, my sex drive was pretty low, and she was always wanting more sex. She's had 2 kids, both mine, and my youngest is 1. Anyway, my sex drive is kind of on overload. She's just not into it anymore, or she seems like her sex drive is incredibly low now. Anyway, I'm dying here, and I'm wondering if I should be looking for sex somewhere else. My girlfriend has a hold on me, due to the sex. It's like I'll do anything for her just to get some. This, in my opinion, is stupid. I hate being led on, then being sexually frustrated all the time. I've talked to her about it, but she says her sex drive is low, and she actually avoids talking about sex with me. I don't even think she knows what I'm into or what I like. It's weird, having been in this relationship for so long, and she's still not at ease with talking about sex. Anyway, I don't know what to do. Should I look for a sexual relationship somewhere else? Or do I keep pushing for more sex in my current relationship? Can anyone provide me with some insight please???
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Anyway, I don't know what to do. Should I look for a sexual relationship somewhere else? Or do I keep pushing for more sex in my current relationship? Can anyone provide me with some insight please??? Why is her sex drive low? Is there anything you can do to boost it? Unless you don't care for the relationship anymore... I would suggest staying faithful.
Juniper22 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 2 kids and your youngest is 1. Maybe she is tired? How are things outside of the bedroom? Do you help her alot with the kids? Maybe she is suffering from some kind of hormonal imbalance after this last child? Has she been to a doctor? Are there things you have done or are doing that maybe is a contributing factor to her losing her desire? That is assuming its nothing medical. How old are you both? Seeking sex outside of the relationship is not the answer...although I'm sure it sounds appealing to you.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 It seems real simple to me... Is this the girl who makes your world go around? No matter what she does, the sun shines out of her ass? If so then man up and discuss your issues, state that you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, but she needs to be a little more flexible and loving and intimate... Your other option is to END YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP, and then you will be free to seek sex wherever your heart desires. By the way, as a father of 5, after the babies arrive, it's only natural for the female to lose desire. You should expect that - but not to fret it's not gone forever! It's (mostly) your job to work on getting that back, if you are looking for more activity in the bedroom. You said she doesn't even know what you like! Time to communicate and give more to her (in other areas than the bedroom), so that you can expect more of what you would like in return...
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 6 years...wow..why have you not gotten married? Most people don't just lose their sex drive just to be losing it, there is usually a reason why, medical or otherwise. Get to the root of what is going on exactly. You need to make it clear to her than in order for you both to move forward with things she needs to be willing to talk about these issues with you. Getting sex elsewhere is nothing more than a temporary fix. If you are ready to end the relationship with her over the lack of sex without really getting to the real reason WHY, then end it with her before seeking sex some place else.
Author aeren944 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I understand, and thank you guys for the replies so quickly. Yes, I do understand that she could be tired. But, it would help if she could at least talk about it. I feel really weird trying to talk about it or anything, cuz she acts like that's the last thing she wants to do. She's been to doctors since our boy was born about 17 months ago, and nothing's medically awry. I haven't pushed her too hard or bugged her endlessly about the sex. Honestly, I seriously love her, and have already bought the ring. However, the sex thing is very important to me. I wonder if that makes me weird or freaky, but I can't deny that fact. When we do have sex, it's mostly me initiating, and it's never the "rock my world" type of sex. I'm always kinda left with wanting more. Like I said, I do love her, but I don't know if I'm weird for wanting sex this much... I just feel like my libido is strictly in high speed. I want crazy, "rock-my-world" sex. I understand that the kids might make her lose desire. I don't feel like I'm pressuring her or freaking out, but I do feel really wanting in the sex department. She always says that the sex is amazing when we have it, but I don't see it. Isn't it weird that she doesn't even want to talk about it, or things get awkward when I try to bring it up? It feels, to me, that she's tired of sex, or that she's not that into me at all. It would help if we could just rationally explore what's going on here. So, in closing, I do love her, and a lot of our relationship is great... but the sex part, which is pretty important to me, is very lacking. I feel kinda like an ******* for wanting it more, but I see other people on here totally more aggressive than I am. I can't help the fact that I want a very healthy sexual relationship. That's just what I want, or need. I just feel stuck.
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Well I'm not sure how much sex it is you're wanting. You say you think it might make you weird for wanting that much sex...well exactly how much is it? Maybe she feels you want to much sex as well, and maybe she feels its all you think about it and therefore thats why she doesn't care to discuss it? I really don't know, just guessing here.
Author aeren944 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 That makes sense, JackJack, but I really don't think I'm wanting it THAT much. What I mean by "that much sex" is maybe like twice a week, or once a week "rock my world" sex (again). I don't think it's THAT much, but I just am not used to a sex life that's so lacking. I would definately agree with you, JackJack, however, I don't always bring it up. However, I do admit I think about it a LOT, but mostly because it's not there, and I'm left wanting. Okay, lets throw out the finding sex somewhere else part... but what do I do, then? I'm crazily sexually frustrated and I'm not sure what I need to do about it. Should I find some really good porn and just stay with that?
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Okay, lets throw out the finding sex somewhere else part... but what do I do, then? I'm crazily sexually frustrated and I'm not sure what I need to do about it. Should I find some really good porn and just stay with that? Take some stress away from her, then turn on the Romance! If that doesn't work... THEN we start talking about doing something drastic.
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 I don't think you asking for sex maybe twice a week is unreasonable at all. I honestly do not know what else to tell you though, if you're working with a person (your g/f) who doesn't want to discuss the issue. Has she ever point blank told you in her own opinon what it might be, for why shes not that interested in sex right now? Its also a possiblity that just because things check out fine medically doesn't mean she isn't suffering from some kind of hormonal thing. If she doesn't bring that to the attention of her doctor for example, then it wont get delt with anyway because they wont know how she is feeling unless she tells them. How does she act outside of the bedroom? Does she seems pretty happy and ok with her life?
Author aeren944 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Actually, she seems totally fine otherwise. The only thing she's told me point blank is that she's just thinking about all the other stuff she has to do, like work, and kids. I understand this, and it's not like I'm thinking about it ALL the time, even while playing with my kids. I'm right there with her. You may be right about the hormonal thing, I guess. I don't really know what to think about that, other than to suggest she talks to the doctor about it when she's there next. What do you mean by "take some stress away from her"? I feel like I'm doing quite a bit to make sure nothing's stressful. But yeah, other than the sex, she seems perfectly normal. She always wants me to caress her and cuddle with her and stuff, so that's not bad. She doesn't get defensive when I bring up the sex, she just kinda blows it off and moves to a different subject. I'm sorry I can't provide much more info, cuz that's all I'm dealing with at the moment. She knows that sex is important to me, but I'm trying not to make her feel bad about it or something.
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Actually, she seems totally fine otherwise. The only thing she's told me point blank is that she's just thinking about all the other stuff she has to do, like work, and kids. I understand this, and it's not like I'm thinking about it ALL the time, even while playing with my kids. I'm right there with her. You may be right about the hormonal thing, I guess. I don't really know what to think about that, other than to suggest she talks to the doctor about it when she's there next. What do you mean by "take some stress away from her"? I feel like I'm doing quite a bit to make sure nothing's stressful. But yeah, other than the sex, she seems perfectly normal. She always wants me to caress her and cuddle with her and stuff, so that's not bad. She doesn't get defensive when I bring up the sex, she just kinda blows it off and moves to a different subject. I'm sorry I can't provide much more info, cuz that's all I'm dealing with at the moment. She knows that sex is important to me, but I'm trying not to make her feel bad about it or something. You sound like a understanding and supportive kind of guy. However, her blowing you off and changing the subject when its brought up is bothersome.There is a reason WHY she is not wanting to discuss it. I'm not real sure what that might be but she is put off by something when it comes to this issue.
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 She has a hold on you because of sex, does she? You want the shoe on the other foot? simple. The ring you bought, put it on a chain around your neck. When she asks you whose that for. Tell her you don't know yet. Tell her you're holding back. Because you're not sure if you're sexually compatible anymore. I'll bet she'll talk about sex then. Just wear that ring when you sleep. When you shower. When you lay out in the backyard tanning. Put a different colored ribbon on it every day. Hang a tag on it that says, "To the woman I love".
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Also you may want to listen to "Don't gimme no lines and keep your hands to your self" by the Georgia Satelites
Athena Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 She has a hold on you because of sex, does she? You want the shoe on the other foot? simple. The ring you bought, put it on a chain around your neck. When she asks you whose that for. Tell her you don't know yet. Tell her you're holding back. Because you're not sure if you're sexually compatible anymore. I'll bet she'll talk about sex then. Just wear that ring when you sleep. When you shower. When you lay out in the backyard tanning. Put a different colored ribbon on it every day. Hang a tag on it that says, "To the woman I love". lol........
Author aeren944 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 Wow, lostsunsets, that's a pretty good idea. I mean, I'm not trying to make her feel bad, but it IS an issue we need to (at least) discuss. The only thing is that she doesn't know I've bought the ring yet, since I wanted to have one of those cool surprise proposals. That's a very good idea, but I don't really want to ruin the surprise, honestly. But, in reality, maybe that's what caused me to post in this forum. Maybe this sex deal is that big of a thing to me. Honestly, I think it is. I'm not sure if it's how much we have sex as opposed to how good the sex is, or something. I feel kind of shallow or something, as if I'm putting too much effort or want into the sex, but it IS a big deal for me. I read all these posts from girls who have a really high sex drive, and it makes me kinda jealous because I'm stuck wanting.
Lizzie60 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Methink... that even if you do cartwheels in the living room.. she will still have no desire for sex.. it's just like that.. it's not medical.. it has nothing to do with you.. she just has NO MORE libido.. simple. My advice.. have a serious talk with her.. put your cards on the table.. be honest with her.. if nothing change.. then get an A... period.
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 So then wear the ring case around your neck. It will still be a surprise. Because she won't know when you're going to give it to her. I don't want her to feel bad either. But what if she is withholding sex to make you ask her to marry you. Look, unless something changes, nothing changes. This will show her that you are serious, but it also shows her that there are issues that need to be addressed.
Lizzie60 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 So then wear the ring case around your neck. It will still be a surprise. Because she won't know when you're going to give it to her. I don't want her to feel bad either. But what if she is withholding sex to make you ask her to marry you. Look, unless something changes, nothing changes. This will show her that you are serious, but it also shows her that there are issues that need to be addressed. oh oh .. this is blackmail for the ring.. then what? ... it will come back exactly like it was before the ring.. you lose either way..
JackJack Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 oh oh .. this is blackmail for the ring.. then what? ... it will come back exactly like it was before the ring.. you lose either way.. I was thinking the same thing...its kind of like inticing a dog with a bone....you get this, if I get that. The unresolved issue will still be there.
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 aarens, As I have said before. And you may tell this to your girlfriend. Men judge the condition of their marriage by having sex. That is why men can have sex right after a fight. They do it, not because they are insensitive jerks. They do it because they want to restore the connection. With women sex after a fight is usually unthinkable. Women base the condition of the marriage on communication (I love how this makes them feel so superior). The fact is that it was intended that way because it requires both to be unselfish. Understand? You need to explain this to her. If she doesn't understand or rejects it. You need to get up in her grill a little. Then try the ring. For anyone who doubts what I say. Go...Go read sum boooks.
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ok Lizzie. Aarens. Maybe you should consider messing around with another woman. How's that? Oh and Lizzie. What makes you think that she is not blackmailing him with sex?
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 The reason I suggested the ring, Is because it opens dialogue. It tells her that this a serious issue. If aarens has tried everything and is considering cheating on her. How would using the ring be worse? Oh and Lizzie, If it did go back to the way it is. An engagement is not a marriage. If she reverts back to the abstaining thing. He can just dump her.
Lizzie60 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Ok Lizzie. Aarens. Maybe you should consider messing around with another woman. How's that? Oh and Lizzie. What makes you think that she is not blackmailing him with sex? Well.. maybe she is.. the OP is not saying.. but whether she is or not.. doesn't change the fact that the issue still remains..
Lizzie60 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 The reason I suggested the ring, Is because it opens dialogue. It tells her that this a serious issue. If aarens has tried everything and is considering cheating on her. How would using the ring be worse? Oh and Lizzie, If it did go back to the way it is. An engagement is not a marriage. If she reverts back to the abstaining thing. He can just dump her.[/QUOTE] Yabutt. sometimes.. when children are involved it's not easy for the father.. that's another reason for women to withhold sex.. in some cases, they know they won't leave because of the kids..
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