Peter_pan Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 What makes a great relationship is great communication, trust, chemistry and of course....hot sex! There are always awesome girlfriends and they set the bar high, but you can't live with regrets - something obviously caused the two of you to have disagreements - be glad and enjoy your single self. what if you were both young and wanted to "see what was out there" since neither of you had even had another serious bf/gf? and then one of you (in this case her) found someone else (greener grass) and me has yet to even find anyone close to her? does that make me someone who is easily replaceable, or have i set my value on her to high ? or am i not giving my self high value? im very confused. why i havnt met anyone else that i could say "yes this girl is at my ex's standard", and no its not because i am comparing every detail this post raised v interesting similar thoughts to my case
Author Flying Burrito Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 what if you were both young and wanted to "see what was out there" since neither of you had even had another serious bf/gf? and then one of you (in this case her) found someone else (greener grass) and me has yet to even find anyone close to her? does that make me someone who is easily replaceable, or have i set my value on her to high ? or am i not giving my self high value? im very confused. why i havnt met anyone else that i could say "yes this girl is at my ex's standard", and no its not because i am comparing every detail this post raised v interesting similar thoughts to my caseMy gut reaction to your question is why would you give a f*ck about someone who decided she wanted someone else? Its hard for me to fathom why Amy wanted me after I decided I wanted out. But then, I still wanted her too. I just didn't want a bullsh*t commitment deal. In our case, no other people were involved. The decision wasn't mutual any of the times we broke up either.
Author Flying Burrito Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 You just do as your while being tells you. You dumped her because you weren't 100% in love, maybe. But now you say you want her back, so tta's your new vibe. Follow your intuition.If you feel liek being with her again, go for her. If you're just contemplating having her back because you're lonely, don't.RecordProducer, I'm not lonely. Its sad to say, when thinking about my ex but I'm not lonely. If I followed my intuition regarding feeling like being with her again, I'd be starting the same cycle over again because at no time did I want her out of my life. Cutting my Amy off was a necessity rather than a want.
miss_28 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Its hard for me to fathom why Amy wanted me after I decided I wanted out. But then, I still wanted her too. I just didn't want a bullsh*t commitment deal. In our case, no other people were involved. The decision wasn't mutual any of the times we broke up either. To answer your question, Amy probably saw something special in you or you may have led her to believe that you were more than you actually were. Maybe she thought she could talk to you or that she could count on you... who knows (she seems she really did think she could be safe around you). Happens all the time... often the people we think we are dating are better that the people we are dating, and vice versa. For someone who is so sure he made the right decision, you sure do think about amy a lot... especially since you adamantly state you don't want to be with her (other than sexually, of course. We all get that she's great in bed). You compare her to other girls like you hope you find a better version of amy in the future... amy 2.0... because the amy you had was inconvenient at this time in your life. Do you get how you seem from a different POV than your own? Either way, remembering the way you left her (which really sucked), you kinda burned your bridges with her... no? Does it really change anything - being right or wrong? Or are you looking for reassurances or opinions from people on this board to validate your actions? Are you looking for closure? Peace of mind? Are you in denial? Lonely & lusting? Let me put it to you another way, if later on in time you decided you were wrong, what does it change? Would you do anything to remedy the situation? If not, then it really doesn't matter now, does it?
Author Flying Burrito Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 miss_28, your vocabulary choices are keen. Is that a female thing? Safety? Amy had no fear of letting me see her weird or ugly. Inside or out ugly. I wished she handled some things better but I have to admire that she was guileless. I equate that with her feeling safe around me. Amy is the most recent ex. Actually, I don't think about her so much. I've been writing about her here because I have questions about relationships in general and she's the nearest point of reference for me. Really, I'm seeking data points so I can avoid screwing up in the future. As for second chances, you know already there's no going back. I made sure of that. Its around 6 months now since I cut her off. Amy never knew the meaning of quit before then. She gave up trying ages ago. Amy gave up everyone of our friends in common too once she realized what happened. Nope. I have no interest in Amy 2.0. The comparison is spontaneous when it happens rather than compulsive. On a basic level, look, one girl made me shiver by being near me. Since then, no one makes me shiver. Inconvenient is so pedestrian its harsh. Its also fair. I'm a dick.
Author Flying Burrito Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Let me put it to you another way, if later on in time you decided you were wrong, what does it change? Would you do anything to remedy the situation? If not, then it really doesn't matter now, does it?Honestly? If later on I decide I had to get her back, I would do or say anything to remedy my mistake, even though I know its futile. It would be completely futile.
miss_28 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 miss_28, your vocabulary choices are keen. .... Inconvenient is so pedestrian its harsh. Its also fair. I'm a dick. yep, i measure my words. so do you. but you know what, i'm glad you're on the site... honestly, it's admirable that you own up to having acted like a dick - while knowing that you may incur the irritation of some of us dumpees. Just so you know, I'm not looking to be harsh needlessly or to project, but hope some of what I say sinks into that stubborn head of yours.
Peter_pan Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 My gut reaction to your question is why would you give a f*ck about someone who decided she wanted someone else? Its hard for me to fathom why Amy wanted me after I decided I wanted out. But then, I still wanted her too. I just didn't want a bullsh*t commitment deal. In our case, no other people were involved. The decision wasn't mutual any of the times we broke up either. your right, but its because i wansnt "myself" i lost myself through being with her for so long and putting a lot of stress on myself. i developed ocd. this added with not staying rooted to what makes us men, men. so i hold this and regret it. all i wanted was another chance, after i had realised some of my main flaws. your lucky in the case that you are already in control of your mind and so its on your terms. you realise you do love her a lot and can get a chance to try again.
Author Flying Burrito Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 your right, but its because i wansnt "myself" i lost myself through being with her for so long and putting a lot of stress on myself. i developed ocd. this added with not staying rooted to what makes us men, men. so i hold this and regret it. all i wanted was another chance, after i had realised some of my main flaws. your lucky in the case that you are already in control of your mind and so its on your terms. you realise you do love her a lot and can get a chance to try again.No, no, no, Pete. There will be no second chances on my end. I never stopped caring, which is why I left zero options for patching things up. There is caring, and then there is caring ENOUGH. Remind yourself of that next time. I get annoyed when people write, there was a reason it didn't work out. Right, yeah. It stopped working because I made it stop.
Author Flying Burrito Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 yep, i measure my words. so do you. but you know what, i'm glad you're on the site... honestly, it's admirable that you own up to having acted like a dick - while knowing that you may incur the irritation of some of us dumpees. Just so you know, I'm not looking to be harsh needlessly or to project, but hope some of what I say sinks into that stubborn head of yours.Okay, unsure why you're glad I'm on site but thanks. If anything, I'm surprised at the lack of wrath directed my way. Maybe what comes through is that I made a drastic break rather than acting complacent, stringing my ex along until she was old, out of the market, couldn't make babies and such. Sorry to the "There are no wrong or right choices" followers, it makes me sick when I hear about guys doing that. It's wrong.
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